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January & February 2009 |
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"The truth is that fear doesn't have to be paralyzing: For a person on the verge of transformation, fear can be a great teacher." Sally Kempton
A Personal Note from Janet
Happy New Year to All!
I want to express my deepest thanks to so many of you who responded to my request for feedback on the title for my upcoming book. I was very touched by the amount of warmth and support I received and I greatly appreciate all of your feedback and suggestions. In fact, all of the feedback prompted me to come up with yet another possible title, and it is now down to two choices. I would greatly appreciate it if you would let me know which of these two choices you like best and which would have the most appeal to you if you saw a book with this title. You can either reply directly to this newsletter or email me at jesposito@performanceanxiety.com to cast your vote. The two final contenders are:
Thriving In The Spotlight: Using Your Fear of Public Speaking and Performing as a Catalyst for Positive Change
Overcome Your Public Speaking and Performing Fears: Principles & Practices that Work!
We will keep you posted when the book is ready to be released. I still have some finishing touches, and then the editing and publishing process will begin (and hopefully run smoothly and efficiently). While it still may be some time yet before the book is released, do know it is well on its way!
** I also want to call your attention to a new recording that is on my web site that you can download and listen to (See "What's New" at www.performanceanxiety.com). It is an interview I did with Philippa Kennealy, founder of The Entrepreneurial MD, on the topic of "Presentation Poise: How to Overcome Your Public Speaking Jitters" (you do not have to be an entrepreneur or an MD to benefit from listening to this call)! You may also want to listen to two other recent interviews I did with Moe Abdou, founder of Learn From My Life, that have been posted as podcasts on my site. I hope you enjoy listening!
Fear as Our Teacher
One of the premises I write about in my upcoming book is that we can use our fear of public speaking and performing as a catalyst for positive change. I don't know anyone who really likes to feel afraid (unless they have deliberately chosen to watch a scary movie or read a thriller). Most of us feel frightened by the feelings and sensations that fear brings and we do our best to run and hide from our fear. We also don't like the idea of others seeing us as anxious and fearful, as we often associate this feeling with weakness and vulnerability. Most of us pride ourselves on our strength and the feeling of being in control of ourselves and our lives. Our fear challenges this self-perception and hurts our pride. Our egos - the parts of ourselves that are strongly identified with "looking good" and "not looking bad" in the eyes of others (and in our own eyes) - doesn't like to be seen as fearful as it may lead others (and ourselves) to think less of us. So, we end up disliking, and even hating, our fear. We make fear our enemy and, when we do so, the fear gains power and intimidates us. When we are willing to face our fear, and learn to work with fear rather than fight against it, our fear can teach us many valuable lessons.
One important lesson fear can teach us, if we are open and willing to learn, is to allow and accept all parts of ourselves, including the parts that don't make us feel very good. We can learn to treat ourselves with kindness and compassion when we experience our human vulnerability rather than shun that part of ourselves and feel shame and embarrassment when we are not feeling strong and in-control. We can learn to step back from our fear and not react so strongly to our uncomfortable feelings and sensations, which helps us to not feel overcome or overpowered by our fear. We can learn to not be so focused on our ego concerns related to our reputation and public image and shift our focus instead on being more concerned about others and how we can best serve them when we are speaking or performing. What we discover is that when we shift our focus like this, we feel more connected to others, more grounded in our purpose for speaking or performing, and less self-preoccupied and self-conscious. Our fear naturally begins to ease when our focus is where it needs to be. We can also learn many life skills and useful practices that can help us in all areas of our lives as we meet up to the challenge of working with our fear in a more conscious and adaptive way.
Instead of cursing your fear and trying to run from it or conquer it, consider embracing your fear as your teacher and being open to learning the many important life lessons it has to offer. I will be elaborating far more on this idea in my upcoming book, so stay tuned...
Pure Inspiration
This column is devoted to sharing stories of success and inspiration with others. If you have a success you would like to share with our newsletter community, please forward a paragraph or two to me, with your first name, last initial (disguised if you feel the need for more anonymity), and job title and field you work in and I will include it in a future newsletter. We can all be inspired by stories of success and victory, and it is a way for all of us to celebrate the courage, commitment, and effort we are putting forth to get beyond the limitations of this fear!
*** PLEASE NOTE THAT I NEED TO GATHER SOME MORE PURE INSPIRATION STORIES FOR UPCOMING NEWSLETTERS, SO PLEASE SEND YOUR SUCCESSES ALONG ASAP SO THEY CAN BE A WRITTEN TESTIMENT TO YOUR EFFORTS AND HELP INSPIRE OTHERS AS WELL! This email is from a performer who read my book and newsletters over the years and applied some things that she read about when she was thrown a curve ball right before stepping up to do a solo performance:
JANET,
I HAVE A "PURE INSPIRATION" STORY FOR YOU!
FOR 38 YEARS, I HAVE BEEN PERFORMING AT WEDDINGS AND FUNERALS AND I HAVE ENCOUNTERED EVERY IMAGINABLE CHALLENGE...DIFFICULT, INTIMIDATING ORGANISTS, PRIESTS, FAMILY MEMBERS, SONG CHOICES, 9/11, AND THE EMOTIONAL TOLL THAT ALL THESE EVENTS ENTAIL, ETC. ETC.
LAST WEEK-END I EXPERIENCED MY GREATEST HURDLE OF ALL!! THE WEDDING WAS DUE TO BEGIN AT 7PM. IN A CATHEDRAL IN WASHINGTOND.C. I ARRIVED AT THE CHURCH AT 6 PM IN ORDER TO INSURE THAT I WAS ON TIME, RELAXED AND "WARMED-UP!"
AFTER MY WARM UP, I ASKED SOMEONE IN THE BACK OF THE ALTAR IF I COUD HAVE A CUP OF WATER. HE SAID, "OF COURSE" BUT AS I WAS ENTERING THE CHURCH, THE CUSTODIAN STOPPED ME AND LITERALLY SCREAMED... "YOU CAN NOT GO INTO THE PEW WITH THAT CUP!!"
I EXPLAINED THAT I WAS THE SOLOIST AND NEEDED TO SIP WATER BEFORE I SANG TO WHICH HE SCREAMED AGAIN, "IF YOU BRING IT IN... YOU CLEAN IT UP!!" I'M NOT CLEANING UP AFTER YOU!
I ASSURED HIM THAT I WOULD GLADLY TAKE CARE OF THE SMALL DIXIE CUP MYSELF AND I PROCEEDED TO GIVE HIM A LOOK WHICH SAID..."YOU OUGHT TO BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF!" HOW TOTALLY UN-CHRISTIAN!!"
I WAS UNDERSTANDABLY RATTLED AND I WAS VISIBLY SHAKING...IT WAS JUST SO UNEXPECTED!!
I HAD ALL OF FIVE MINUTES TO COMPOSE MYSELF AND I THOUGHT OF YOUR BREATHING TECHNIQUES AND ALL THE OTHER "TIPS" I HAD READ IN YOUR BOOK AND NEWSLETTER OVER THE YEARS AND SOMEHOW, WHEN IT WAS TIME TO SING THE "AVE MARIA," I WAS READY!!
A FAMILY MEMBER TOLD ME LATER THAT I HAD SUNG THE SONG WITH "SO MUCH FEELING!" THAT IT HAD TOUCHED HER DEEPLY! IT WASN'T MY BEST PERFORMANCE EVER BUT THAT'S ALL I HAD TO HEAR TO KNOW THAT I HAD SUCCESSFULLY SHAKEN OFF THAT HORRIBLE PRE-PERFORMANCE EXPERIENCE.
I'M HOPING IT WAS MY "SWAN SONG!' AS FAR AS CHURCH SINGING IS CONCERNED BUT I FELT VERY PROUD OF MYSELF FOR GETTING THROUGH IT!
I'M HOPING TO SEE YOU IN JANUARY!
XO,
LYNN
Please write and share any successes you have with speaking or performing - large or small - as I want to continue to post your positive experiences in our Pure Inspiration column and could always use more stories of success to inspire others! Please know that your experiences will never be shared with our newsletter community unless you give me permission to do so!
A Few Other Things I Want to Make you Aware of:
~ Many of you have expressed interest in attending a No More Stage Fright Workshop so you can gain the full benefit of working in a safe and supportive group setting as you learn and apply methods to deal with your public speaking or performing fear. Some of you have also expressed concerns about the expense of doing this, especially in these challenging economic times.
To make the workshop more affordable for you, I have reduced the fee for the upcoming January workshop, which is being planned for the weekend of January 17-18 in Southbury, CT. The reduced fee for the workshop is $445 (a savings of $50 from the normal fee of $495 for regular registration). I encourage you to sign up NOW at www.performanceanxiety.com/order.htm if you are interested in the January workshop as we are finalizing our class list at this time and have to confirm with the hotel by January 2nd!
If you are interested in attending a workshop with me, I encourage you to consider the upcoming January workshop as it will help you launch yourself into the New Year in a very positive and powerful way. And, you will reap the benefit of significant savings at the same time!
Please visit www.performanceanxiety.com/nmsf_workshop.htm for more information about the workshop and contact Mary at mary@performanceanxiety.com or 877-814-7705 with any questions you may have.
We hope to see you at the upcoming No More Stage Fright workshop in January!
~ Please let us know if you are interested in attending a No More Stage Fright Workshop within the coming year and what your preferences are for where and when so we can do some planning beyond January. Please contact Mary at mary@performanceanxiety.com ASAP with this information as we will consider your interest and preferences in planning the workshop schedule up ahead. WE HOPE TO HEAR FROM YOU VERY SOON IF YOU ARE INTERESTED.
~ Please contact Mary at mary@performanceanxiety.com if you have participated in a workshop in the past and are interested in attending a 1-Day Refresher Course (or if have read my book and would like to participate in a group practice session). If we have enough people expressing interest, we will plan a time for this course.
~ We have added an MP3 player to our home page with two brief audio segments - the first segment is of me sharing some thoughts about my workshop for those who are interested in learning more about the workshop experience (a few minutes in length) and the second segment is of my radio interview with Sally Jessie Raphael a few months ago (about 10-12 minutes in length). Please take a few minutes to listen to one or both segments, which can be found by visiting www.performanceanxiety.com.
~ Many people have enjoyed being part of a yahoo discussion board that was set up by someone in our newsletter community for people who share the fear of public speaking or performing and want some support and camaraderie. I encourage you to visit this site and post something on the discussion board. It is incredibly helpful to come out of our isolation and aloneness around this fear and to give and receivesupport with others. The address for this discussion board is http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/speakanxiety.
Action Steps:
1. Take a few moments to reflect upon using fear as your teacher. Consider the lessons you can learn by approaching your fear as a teacher rather than as an enemy. Consider writing some of these lessons down and reviewing them the next time you are preparing to speak or perform so you can be open to using fear as a catalyst for growth.
2. You may want to consider a No More Stage Fright Workshop and/or a Private Coaching Session with me to help you create a more effective approach to dealing with this challenge as the New Year begins. This provides a great way to break avoidant and self-defeating patterns and helps you move a big step forward in your progress! Please contact me at jesposito@performanceanxiety.com if you are interested in an individual phone session and contact Mary at mary@performanceanxiety.com with any questions about the workshop.
3. Please take a few moments to write a review of my book and/or CD on www.amazon.com (and/or www.barnesandNoble.com) if you have found my book and CD helpful to you. Many thanks for taking the time to do this to support my efforts!
4. Please continue to send me any feedback and suggestions throughout the year as I greatly value knowing what is most helpful to you and will give consideration to all feedback and suggestions I receive.
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I look forward to speaking with more of you this New Year and hope to meet some of you at the upcoming January workshop!
Warm Regards,
Janet
Janet Esposito, M.S.W.
In The Spotlight
PO Box 494
Bridgewater, CT06752
860-210-1499
jesposito@performanceanxiety.com
Copyright 2008, Janet E. Esposito, All Rights Reserved |
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In The Spotlight
Overcome Your Fear of Public Speaking and Performing Book and Guided Exercises CD
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Janet Esposito
In The Spotlight, LLC
(860) 210-1499
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