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| | I'm all yours.  | | Recorded live in San Francisco, this thoroughly eco-friendly album exists only in digital format, and is now available here for private consumption. (read more)
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| Recently Finished:
Assassination Vacation
by Sarah Vowell.
This is the first history book Noelle has ever read. And enjoyed. So much so, she went on to read Vowell's next book, which does not deserve mention.
Pillars of the Earth
by Ken Follett.
This A-Hole somehow wrote an amazing book. Then, to capitalize on that, wrote it again but called it "World Without End", and made it just a tiny bit lamer.
Altered Carbon
by Richard K. Morgan.
This is a total boy book. Even when the male protagonist becomes a woman briefly, it retains all it's boy-book accoutrement: Space, the future, download-able consciousness.
Currently Reading:
Moby Dick
by Herman Melville.
People aren't kidding-- this book is a serious epic. Noelle is obsessed with whales lately. Do they have those in Indy?
Collapse
by Jared Diamond.
If you loved Guns Germs & Steel, you'll... get through Collapse.
Old Favorites:
Lonesome Dove
by Larry McMurtry.
Noelle, I, and all our Moms really liked this book. After you've been up all night absorbing it's thrilling old-western narrative, don't get all carried away and go read Some Can Whistle by Mr. McMurtry. Do Not Do That.
George's Marvelous Medicine
by Roald Dahl.
This book will teach you everything you need to know about mixing house-hold items into a stew that will turn your evil grandmother into a duck.
In Progress since June 2007:
Perdido Street Station
by China Mieville
I finished this book in early 2007 and loved it so much I started reading it to Noelle before bed. Perhaps the time lapse will indicate her fondness for it.
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| Recipe: Yo Soy Potato
Get your hands on one large sweet potato (not a yam, a sweet potato), some whole ginger root, soy sauce, and some vegetable oil.
Pre-heat oven to 325.
Slice sweet potato into .75-inch slices.
Place in mixing bowl.
Into bowl, grate whole ginger to taste.
Toss with a couple spoonfuls of soy sauce and vegetable oil (not olive) until potato slices are lightly coated.
Pour contents of bowl into baking dish large enough to fit potato slices on one even layer.
Bake at 325 for one hour or until potatoes are golden brown and soft. Use face to eat.
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For Life: Leaving L.A. for Dead
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After eight years sucking the plastic cow called Los Angeles, Phil the Void HQ is relocating to an abandoned cornfield in a purple state. Indianapolis, Indiana, will be the urban bosom upon which the mind shall rest, as early as the first Spring thaw of 2011.
Moving from the Left Coast to Indianapolis is not something anyone has ever done consciously, as far as I know. But we've thought about it a lot, Noelle and I, and we've come up with a list of the unique benefits each city offers:
Los Angeles: Multi-billion dollar entertainment industry.
Indianapolis: Micro-breweries offering 64oz growlers for $5.
[end of list.]
You will have questions, no doubt--questions like, "What the hell and why, Phil." Without employing trite and unavoidably naive comparisons, I will say simply that I wish to embark on the experiment of living in a mid-western city that is incredibly supportive of the arts and artists, probably because it is not over-saturated with 'entertainment'. Noelle, Mass Ave, Indianapolis 2009  | For the last six years, I have visited Indy as a performer in their annual Fringe Theatre Festival, and do you know something? That city has really put a warm, fuzzy little tingle in my ding-dang. (That's what I call my 'soul.') Noelle grew up with ponies, corn, and drunk cowboys in her front yard, so she has always felt right at home in Indy. We're both ding-dang-tingled to try out a place where the concept of 'home' necessarily incorporates 'land'; where people only talk about themselves if you ask them to; where you can ride your bike everywhere without fearing imminent collision; and where, after midsummer thunderstorms, you can sit on your porch watching the lighting bugs, and laugh derisively at trains whistling as they haul tons of corn syrup into the arteries of America. As Noelle says, our overall exposure to horse sh!t will probably stay the same, but the literality of it will be a welcome change. Some not-quick facts about Indianapolis:
You thought L.A. was dangerous?? In 2008, Indianapolis was ranked the
28th most dangerous city in the United States. Los Angeles ranked 154th.
About sixty percent of all crimes were larcenies. Not to worry--we are
bringing a bike chain to lock up our corn silo.
There
are so many universities in this city that some people don't realize
they're at the wrong  one until they get a diploma. Indianapolis
is the home of: Ball State University--Indianapolis Center, Butler
University, Indiana University-Purdue University Indianapolis (IUPUI),
Ivy Tech Community College of Indiana, Marian University, Martin
University, Oakland City University Indianapolis campus, The Art
Institute of Indianapolis, Vincennes University Aviation Technology
Center, and the University of
Indianapolis. This is too many schools guys. The
median income per household in the
greater Indianapolis area in 2009, according to the U.S. Census, was
$40,154. About 11% of the population and 9% of families were below the
poverty line. (Los Angeles: median household income $36,687; 22% of the
population and 18% of families below the poverty line.) Of
the following list, I really enjoy "AgroSciences", as it implies a
bunch of aggressive scientists. "You can't give us the grant
money? Allow us to clinically punch your neck with this centrifuge and
'test' your 'tube' with a robot-assisted laser!" Indy
is home to: the U.S. headquarters of Roche Diagnostics, Technicolor SA,
Conseco, First Internet Bank, Peerless Pump Company, Dow AgroSciences,
Emmis Communications, and of course Steak 'n Shake. I have heard of one of these before. The trains carry more than corn syrup! The
Cardinal is a 1,146 mile passenger train route operated by Amtrak,
connecting New York Penn Station with Chicago Union Station, via
Indianapolis and points in between. Travel time, end-to-end, is 28
hours. The Hoosier State provides service the other four days on the
196-mile section from Chicago to Indianapolis.
The people of Indy have suggested their confidence in me as a viable candidate for Mayor. I am waiting to find out if cats will be permitted in council chambers.
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New E-mail Thingamabob
Dearest ; <---Is this even your name?
As you can see by my crafty insertion of your name right there (I hope), we have a completely fancy new E-mail service! Do you want to add or change your name? Update an E-mail address? Make sure you're on our Infamous Holiday Card list? You have total control of all these preferences now!
People love preferences, and according to my records, you are people. Access your profile preferences using the "Update Profile/Email Address" link at the very bottom of all emails, and your next E-mail could be addressed to "Count Fartholomew, President of the Latvian Steel Council"!
Questions? Comments? Qualms? Conundrums? Just reply to this E-mail and your missive will be rocketed through a series of pneumatic tubes directly to my office, where a wise-cracking pterodactyl will open it for me. I will either respond or forward to my robots. I'm serious. This E-mail program comes with robots - apparently they work in a cloud somewhere! Fun!
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Commodification Proclamation
I have virtually made out with every copy of this album.  |
Wait a minute Phil - is this your monologue about
hilariously harmful side-effects of excessive internet use -- for sale on the internet?? All part of the show folks, all part of the show. *coughs awkwardly and shifts glance to side* If you need further validation, you may find it in reviews from the SF Fringe audience, or some antique reviews I had lying around. Smooth. You can also preview the whole thing before you own it!
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San Frantastic! 1,472,983% Increase in Void Ticket Sales
Force of show blows city sideways.  | Up from 0$ and zero audience last year, The Great Brain Robbery (new, and re-brained) at the San Francisco Fringe Theatre Festival was successful beyond anybody's half-remembered fantasies. Except possibly for that one guy, that one night, until we discovered he had mistakenly come a week early for the Folsom Leather Fair.
Some audience members took a minute to review the show (mostly positive), and after 13 months of relentless touring it was San Francisco that took a deep breath and squeezed out a Definitive Album: Phil the Void; "The Great Brain Robbery" which was born from the loins of a way over-sold-out final weekend. Sorry to all my friends who were turned away from the door due to my truly baffling popularity.
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Some things I will miss, and not miss, about Los Angeles.
Will Miss: The endless variety of four-star everything. Won't Miss: Paying $7 dollars for a bottle of beer in a place where you can't hear yourself drink. Will Miss: Sunshine, sunsets, sunrises, and atmospheric colors nobody will ever see again. Won't Miss: The natural 15 SPF provided by the dirt in the air. Will Miss: Being able to go the market in my bathrobe, unnoticed. Won't Miss: The
suspicious way people stare when you say "hello"
to them on the street. Will Miss: Never being hindered by the weather. Won't Miss: The complete societal freak out that occurs every time it drizzles, as if all rules of physics have changed due to airborne moisture. Will Miss: Nighttime on the freeway, feeling like a platelet in a major artery. Won't Miss: High blood pressure. Will Miss: Weekly crime updates from the LAPD, like this one. Won't Miss: Weekly emails from the LAPD reminding me that it is dangerous to trust people. Will Miss: Authentic Mexican food trucks. Won't Miss: "99c Gourmet Chinese Mexican Donuts" Will Miss: All the impossibly beautiful people. Won't Miss: All the impossibly beautiful people. Will Miss: Dodger Stadium. Not going to it, but just knowing it's there. Won't Miss: Our football team. |
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ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
Leaving L.A. photo by J. Boardman. Everything else by Phil and Noelle.
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