Nona Muss - She could be any of us...

I drove a brand new car today. Boy, was it snazzy. Snazzy beyond leather and chrome and new car smell. Not a scratch on the paint job and a symphony of bells and whistles to boot. A never seen by me safety feature took me by surprise-when I put my blinker on (yes, I am from the South), the dashboard monitor displayed a clear picture of-da Da DAA--"my blind spot." Wow. No, I mean, WOW! That was SO cool. I changed lanes four times in three blocks, just so I could play with it. No, really. Lane changing has entered a new era.  

I live in a place where people drive with one hand on the horn all the time. Honestly, it hurts my feelings to have someone lay on their horn because I have made an itty bitty traffic faux pas. I'm a nice girl and I don't intend to cut someone off, but sometimes I have issues with my blind spot. I can categorize these issues for you: 1) I know someone is in my blind spot, but they hang out so long back there that I forget about them or, 2) I am in my own little K-Love world and forget I even have a blind spot, or 3) I'm totally aware someone is in my blind spot and I constantly check my rear view mirror and glance over my shoulder to avoid trouble.

Okay, you know there's a spiritual application in here somewhere-so let's cut to the chase. Sometimes we know there's a danger, but we can't imagine that this would be a danger to us because, after all, we're such good people-who would want to hurt us or lead us astray? Or, we are so confident that we're above a particular spiritual pitfall that we arrogantly refuse to be concerned-after all, that could be a problem for someone else, but not for us--we've got this under control. Or, we take to heart God's admonition, "Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." 1 Peter 5:8.

For many years of his ministry, my ex-husband faithfully subscribed to the Billy Graham philosophy not to be alone with any woman but me. He even counseled women with the door to his office ajar just enough to allow confidentiality of the conversation, but not to allow his integrity to be questioned.   Later, when things were falling apart I reminded him of this and he said to me, "Nona, that just isn't practical." Accountability was no longer "practical." It may not be convenient, it may not be pleasurable, but accountability is beyond practicality-it is essential and critical and non-negotiable. Accountability is the moat that keeps your castle safe when the dragon exhales.

While every area of your marriage needs scrutiny, let me touch on three areas where we proved vulnerable: cell phones, electronic media, and gyms. Let me encourage you and your spouse to sign up for your cell phone accounts together and in both of your names and then get a detailed bill every month. Who you talk to, how often, and for how long should never be something you conceal from your spouse. Your spouse should be able to peruse your texts at any time. Share an e-mail and/or Facebook account if at all possible and if you cannot, your spouse should have your password. There should never be an opportunity for someone to communicate secretly with your husband-nor should you be able to do so with another man. As for Facebook, let me ask you to prayerfully consider whether you should even friend men at all and to encourage your husband to friend no women. And finally, if you or your spouse have a gym membership, the only member of the opposite sex you should ever work out with is your spouse. EVER. Period.

I've used a rear view mirror to protect my driving blind spot for years. And now the side view camera technology is another safety feature. Accountability, accountability, and MORE accountability is what will protect your marriage, your family, and your ministry. We cannot see our own blind spots. Duh. If we could, we wouldn't call them blind spots. Don't be na�ve. Don't be arrogant. Be wise and proactive. Sit down with your husband tonight and draw up the boundaries; dig that moat and throw in an alligator or two.  Let's meet in the forums and discuss blind spots! 

Nona Muss is a former pastor's wife called to encourage those in ministry marriages to guard their castles and to champion those wearing the same painfully mass-produced shoes she now wears.