Hello, ladies--it's Nona Muss.
Hope you're enjoying your summer! Don't know about you, but it's HOT here. (Guess you can say I'm a 'hot Muss.') But, before I get distracted by the beads of sweat forming under my tiara....
Early in my Cinder Ella marriage I sensed something lurking in the shadows of my castle. After several years, what lurked inevitably came into the light. One terrible, terrible day, when he could hide it no longer, my prince reluctantly told me how he'd been exposed to a carcinogenic agent as a teen and now the disease had progressed and was raging inside him. He had cancer. He was dying an agonizing death.
I could hardly process this. It was like I'd been kicked in my stomach. I couldn't breathe. My heart and my mind were racing. This was a nightmare I could never have imagined. The man I loved was very, very sick and I could lose him. He'd never told anyone else, ever, because good people don't use this product and as a minister he was supposed to be good.
Too embarrassed and too proud to ask for help, his self-prescribed treatment was first to ignore the symptoms in hopes that disease would go away on its own or, by the force of his own will and self-determination, maybe he could vanquish it on his own. Both failed. Wilder still, denying the danger, he re-exposed himself to this cancer-causing product again and again and again.
So many emotions raced through me-
-sympathy, terror, sorrow, anger, despair, disappointment and shame. I held him in my arms and assured him of my love and support. I had
vowed, "in sickness or in health," and I would never abandon him even if he was sick. I loved him desperately. We fell on our knees and prayed for God to heal him. Then, we wiped away our tears, got off our knees, and went on to our scheduled activity at the church. We never made a doctor's appointment and never told a soul. In fact, to this day the two of us never discussed it again-
--Um, what? That's CRAZY!
Who in the world DOES THIS? Cancer KILLS!
Of course, it does. But, when the carcinogen is pornography and you are a ministry family, who do you tell? You have a ministry to protect and an image to guard. You have a mortgage to pay and children to raise. And, who was I to judge? Were any of my sins less offensive to God? Contrite, he assured me he could now leave this sin in our past and was relieved to have his burden shared. How could I ever bring it up again, to ask if he was "clean," if I said I trusted him, if I really loved him?
His heart soared. Mine? I already believed I was not worthy of anyone's love and protection and faithfulness-and this proved I was not. And even if this began years and years before we met, it had to be my fault that it hadn't stopped. I had failed to be a worthy wife. My heart continued to beat, but the woman inside me died that day.
And yet, no one ever knew. From the outside, all looked so perfect--and there WERE many good days, wonderful days and months and years in our marriage and our ministry and in our family when even I could forget. But the cancer was still there...biding its time in the shadows.
Contagious Joy's themes for the month of June are reflect, remove, refresh, and renew. To avoid being conformed to
this world we must reflect, to be AWARE of what is worldly. To be transformed, we must remove worldliness. You can never be refreshed and renewed until you have first reflected and removed.
I thought my castle, a minister's house, would not be susceptible to something so devastating, but statistics and the multitudes of women I now know testify otherwise. The truth is, we are targeted more. Satan delights in the jeers of those who mock God when ministers fall prey to sexual immorality. But, Satan exults when God's children tolerate sexual immorality in their midst-when it is no longer considered that big of a deal because, "who are we to judge?"
Looking back, I see the OTP (Ostrich Treatment Plan) is Satan's go-to prescription. He alone is served when pornography is not dealt with head-on because we're afraid of conflict or feel we must not "judge not." I never dreamed that I needed treatment, too-that we BOTH desperately needed counseling if we were to survive and be healthy, but we did.
Sisters, if you're wearing my shoes don't pull your crown down over your eyes and just hope cancer will go away on its own. It won't. It won't dissolve on its own, it must be accountable. Seek help. Contagious Joy can find you a safe and confidential place to share your burden and find Godly wisdom and healing--for everyone involved.
There more to share in the forums and I would love to talk with you there. Come on - Let's not go the route of the OTP (Ostrich Treatment Plan)! Let's bring it out into the Light and beat the devil at his game!
See you in the forums!
