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Meet Tessa
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I am pleased to announce the addition of a talented and resourceful psychotherapist to my practice. Tessa Suppes (pronounced "soup-is") began working as an associate with me at 1320 19th Street, NW. She has appointments available on Wednesdays, daytime and evening, and Thursday evening.  Tessa's experience includes working with individuals, adolescents, couples, and at-risk families addressing a wide range of issues such as trauma, addictive disorders, relational issues, parenting issues, family issues, self-mutilating behavior, stress, depression, anger, anxiety, and family-of-origin issues. Tessa has experience facilitating many groups, on topics such as parenting skills, coping skills for individuals with major disorders, substance abuse, adolescent issues including trust, respect, self-image, anger, and getting along with parents and peers. She has also worked with returning Peace Corps volunteers as they transition back into American culture.
Tessa has a post-graduate certificate in marriage and family therapy, a masters degree in community counseling -- both from the Virginia Polytechnic Institute (Virginia Tech), an M.B.A. from Webster University in Vienna, Austria, and a B.A. in secondary education and history from Principia College in Elsah, IL. She is currently working towards obtaining her certification in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and Imago Therapy. Research supports both models to be the most effective therapies to help couples and families. Additionally, Tessa has training in both ego state therapy and guided imagery from The Center for Healing and Imagery(CHI).
CONTACT TESSA or call 202-670-6311
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| Alice Dancing Under the Gallows - 12 min video |
Alice is 107 years old this month. She is the oldest living survivor of the Holocaust. This short promo clip for the documentary shows the astounding juxtaposition of the Nazi arts camp where she lived, and a woman who's love of people is only out-shined by the flawless sound of her music.
She said, "Only when we are so old, we are aware of the beauty of life." If you have 12 minutes to spare, you'll get much more back from watching this.
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Flirting: Do You Cross the Line? by Keith Miller, LICSW
|  I recently rediscovered a classic book for couples that was sitting on my bookshelf for a long time. Not Just Friends: Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity (1993), by Shirley Glass, is about as comprehensive as one could get on the topic of affairs without being on the reference shelf. It's geared for the post-discovery-of-affair couple, with many excellent chapters on healing and recovery, but I found myself wishing that parts of the book could be re-packaged for people just tinkering with the idea of an affair. Why? It's almost like those crash videos you're made to watch in driver's ed. Just seeing the impact of affairs, up close and personal, is a reality-check and a sobering reminder to buckle up and stay on your side of the road.
Like an airplane engineered only for take-off, affairs have a terrible time coming back to earth without crashing into a ball of flames.
Shirley Glass shatters the bubble of fantasy that can exist for people in affairs. She puts in sharp relief the danger that close work relationships present to committed partnerships as well as the easy seduction of online-assisted affairs. With expert detail, she explains the "recipe" for a friendship to become an affair. Here is an excerpt from page 48, called Three Red Flags at the Threshold:
Ralph and Lara had stepped over the three thresholds that separate platonic friendships from romantic emotional affairs:
1) Emotional intimacy is the most powerful bond of all. Ralph and Lara shared more personal things about their hopes and fears than they were telling their spouses. They turned to each other to discuss troubling aspects of their marriages instead of working on the issues at home. They thought of themselves as soul mates and best friends. Compared with this, their spouses lived in the shadows like half-remembered dreams.
2) Secrecy waxes the slippery slope. Their budding romance was bound to thrive in the hothouse environment of the privacy they had built around their friendship. Ralph and Lara created a world well away from the pressure, responsibilities, and routines of ordinary family life. Ralph completely stopped mentioning Lara at home. The secret nature of their relationship automatically increased their intensity and fueled their preoccupation with each other.
3) Sexual chemistry is inflamed by forbidden sex. Ralph and Lara began telling each other how much they turned each other on. Both of them fantasized about what their sexual relationship would be like, even though they agreed that they would never act on their mutual desire. But in suppressing it, they found the sexual tension deliciously increased.
The reality is that in our modern era, men and women work closely together, build camaraderie, and often have ample opportunity for their chemistry to spark a romantic chain-reaction, especially online. Most couples aren't prepared for how to detect and troubleshoot the early build-up of affair energy in a relationship. Take this quiz about your online habits to see if you know what "crosses the line."
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Outside the box: Get the most from your sessions by cross-learning about IFS therapy
| Want to make the most of the money and time you invest in your psychotherapy? In order for talk therapy to make the biggest impact on your automatic reactions and grow your emotional intelligence, it helps a great deal to learn and practice the IFS model in several contexts.
Consider taking an IFS teleclass or joining a free teleconference introduction to IFS. Not familiar with IFS? Start here. It has been called the fasted-growing model of psychotherapy, and is what I credit for being able to call myself a "modern psychotherapist."
Why is this helpful?
- You can learn about yourself and the IFS process without being the direct focus of attention like in your own therapy
- You learn about the process cognitively before trusting it in more intensive, experiential psychotherapy
- More exposure to the process at a fraction of the cost relative to therapy
- You witness other people, with various degrees of comfort with exploring their inner world, and gain appreciation for how you may or may not be a good fit for this kind of self-exploration
Here are two excellent resources for learning IFS outside of psychotherapy:
1) Jay Earley and his wife, Bonnie Weiss, are Internal Family Systems therapists in the Bay Area of California. They offer tele-classes in the evening hours for most of their courses. Jay wrote the book, Self-Therapy, which I use to teach my six-week introduction to IFS course (note that I only recommend his book for those actively engaged in IFS therapy or seriously preparing for it.)
IFS Classes:- Basic Class: How to be in Self and work with protective parts. (Wondering what "in Self" means? Read this.)
- Exiles Class: How to work with vulnerable child parts (parts of us we'd rather not admit to having) and heal them so they are less of a burden.
- Polarization Class: How to resolve conflicts between parts [of yourself]. (When you're good at this, you become really good at resolving conflicts between yourself and others.)
- Advanced Ongoing Class: For people who have completed the foundational classes and want to work in an on-going way using IFS in a group setting.
Specialized Classes:2) Free teleconference introduction to IFS every two months. Click on the logo below to go to the IFS website sign-up page. Lately, Dick Schwartz, the creator of IFS, has been doing the free teleconference lately as a rare treat.
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