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FORZA VITALE!
December 4, 2009
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Steven Hughes Fixes Your Parenting in 90 Minutes
By David Ayer
On
Tuesday, April 7th, 2009, pediatric neuropsychologist and Montessori
parent Dr. Steven Hughes returned to Portland to present 'Modern Parenting:
Tips, Tricks, and Traps' to a large audience of Montessori educators and
parents as well as interested attendees from beyond the Montessori world. Dr. Hughes interesting, engaging, and
direct presentation style left us with a lot to think about and specifics to
bring back to our interactions with children.
The
first part of Dr. Hughes' talk was an examination of the 'self-esteem' movement
popularized and implemented in California in the 70s and adopted in educational
settings everywhere over the last few decades. Hughes presented clear research findings demonstrating that
raising children's self-esteem for its own sake and by means of praise and
positive verbal feedback has no correlation, or even a negative correlation,
with children's achievement and sense of self-worth.
Indeed,
the main thing that raises a child's self-esteem (if this is even a desirable
goal) is to help him or her learn to work hard and with persistence at
difficult tasks and to successfully engage in work that is personally
meaningful. (This may explain why
Dr. Hughes is a frequent guest at Montessori events.) The sad fact is that most of this research was available before the self-esteem movement even got
going. But no one bothered to
look.
The
result of the self-esteem movement has been a population of young people who
rate higher on self-confidence, but also on narcissism, entitlement, and
anxiety, than any group in history.
And this result is not merely anecdotal, but measured in published
scientific work. "We have succeed
in raising a generation of children," said Hughes, "who are not that much fun
to be around."
How
did this happen? Hughes suggests
that the self-esteem programs filtered into the popular consciousness as
parenting advice which pushed parenting strategies in an unhealthy direction. He presented a well-established
analysis of parenting styles psychologists have used for decades.
In
this view, parenting style can vary across two dimensions: warmth and
control. High control, low warmth
parenting has the label 'authoritarian'-think lots of cold, inflexible rules. Low control, low warmth is negligent,
which Hughes hoped didn't apply to anyone in the audience. Low control, high warmth is permissive, a term that sent an anxious ripple of recognition through the crowd.
"Don't beat yourselves up," he cautioned
us. We've been told for decades by
professional educators that our children need love, support, and praise-without
a lot of attention to limits and natural consequences. The most effective approach, again
supported by a good deal of research, is in the high warmth, high control box
labeled 'authoritative.'
Authoritative is different from authoritarian and can be captured in the
phrase: 'the adults are in charge.'
It
has become a familiar phrase in some parenting and education circles lately:
'Children need limits.' Indeed,
there are some signs that the failure of self-esteem promotion has itself begun
to enter the popular culture.
What's
always refreshing about Dr. Hughes' presentations is the thoroughly grounded
psychological and neurological research he brings to the discussions, while
remaining grounded in accessible language and familiar experiences. Just one of many examples was a
digitally animated brain scan of gray matter development in children from birth
to age six. The image clearly showed
the spread of neural activity from the back of the brain, where sensory and
motor control are located, towards the frontal lobes, where executive function
and decision making take place.
The picture makes it clear: executive function is the last area to
develop. Recent studies have shown
that this area of the brain is still developing well into adolescence (which
explains a lot!).
The
conclusion is clear as well: as
Dr. Hughes puts it, "Be your child's frontal lobes!" Be fair, but firm.
Set limits and stick to them.
You won't always be their best friend, but they'll thank you for it
later.
Dr. Hughes talk was part of Montessori Institute Northwest's lecture series. Kathleen Lloyd speaks in April 2010 on
self-regulation.
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About David Ayer: David
discovered Montessori through his daughter, Virginia, who attended Whole Child Montessori School, and his wife, Elise, who was teaching in the upper elementary at Montessori School of Beaverton. He earned
his primary diploma at the Montessori Institute Northwest in 1995. David
taught at Vancouver Montessori School before starting the Montessori Adolescent Project Northwest with Elise. He continued his Montessori
adolescent work at the Hershey Montessori Farm School and the Franciscan Montessori Earth School before joining Sunstone Montessori School as Assistant Director.
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Reprinted by permission of the author.
Copyright David Ayer
Oregon Montessori Association
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Brought to you by the Oregon Montessori Association.
The Oregon Montessori Association is a group of schools and individuals who support vibrant Montessori education in Oregon and Southwest Washington...and beyond.
Visit www.oregonmontessori.org
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