Think Less,
Feel More
For so long I thought that success in life would come to me
when I was smart enough. I thought it was intelligence that would bring me all
that I wanted. What was it that I wanted? Most of all I just wanted to be happy
and content. What I have found to be true for me is that intelligence in no way
can bring me this happiness I seek. Why? Because what I seek comes from an
entirely different place than where my intelligence comes from. It turns out
that I put so much effort into developing my mind that I did not realize that
what I wanted most was something that would only come from developing my
emotions.
I truly believe we have an epidemic in our culture: we are
obsessed with logic and reason and as a result we have forsaken feelings and
emotions. Growing up, especially as a male, I was taught to think rather than
to feel. I was taught that my brains would allow me to get ahead, and thus it
was best if I let go of the "sissy emotional stuff" that would get in the way
of progress. Society taught me: don't be sensitive, be tough and smart. Don't
waste your time feeling; rather, develop your intelligence so you can be
successful - that's the only way you will get ahead. So I did just that. I
developed my mind and became a fairly astute thinker. I "succeeded" in school
and then in business. But as I turned 50, I came to a point where I became more
reflective. I had accomplished much and yet there was something missing in my
life. What was it?
What I discovered was missing was that part of me that was
able to truly feel. How was I ever going to attain the happiness, contentment
and peace I so desperately wanted if I couldn't access my feelings? What I
wanted was not something my thoughts or my brain could ever give me. What I
wanted could only come from my heart. But, I was searching in the wrong place.
One of my favourite quotations comes from Albert Einstein:
"you cannot solve a problem with the same consciousness that created the
problem." The answer to my problem was never going to come from my mind because
the solution I sought needed to come from a different consciousness - my
feelings.
Please don't get me wrong. I believe that we would not have
evolved to the extent we have without developing our intelligence. We have made
so many great improvements to our world, which have come from our devotion to
the mind. The worlds of science, medicine and technology have brought us so
many innovations and improvements that our standard of living is so much better
than it was for our ancestors. But our attention and fascination with the
intellect has also made it more difficult for the feeling, creative people in
our world. So much so that the feelers are often so outnumbered that they feel
intimidated or inferior if their minds don't measure up. This leads me to ask:
are our values and priorities really in line with creating a better world? Will
we really get the world so many of us are seeking by continuing to focus only
on the mind, intellect and logic?
I believe that the pendulum often swings too far in one
direction before we are able to realize that change is needed. I think that is
the case with regard to feelings and thinking. I truly believe it is time for
us to get more in touch with our feelings. In my coaching experience I have
come across so many people who have, for various reasons, got stuck in their
mind and not honoured the feeling part of them. As a consequence they are out
of balance and get stuck trying so hard to get to the place of happiness, contentment
and peace. Of course what I have found is they will never get to that place
because as Einstein said you will never solve the problem with the same mindset
that created the problem. The problem is so many of us have forgotten how to
truly feel. There are many reasons I have found as to why people have shut down
their feeling side, but the fact remains that many have lost their true
connection to how they feel. What we tend to seek most is to feel happier, more content and more at
peace and yet we think our mind will make this happen.
As I began to get in touch with my feelings I began to
realize how much of life I was missing. In a desire to prevent myself from
feeling hurt I had cut off a very real part of me. As a matter of fact the
feeling part of me has turned out to bring me even more pleasure and rewards
than the logical side of me. The ability to feel and be aware of the entire
gamut of emotions has allowed me to experience life in a much fuller way. I can
feel happiness, empathy, sadness, guilt, beauty, frustration, anxiety,
anxiousness, bliss, contentment and love, to name just a few, with so much more
intensity than I ever could before opening up to my feeling side. I no longer
try to hide my true feelings about anything I am experiencing and that has made
my life so much more complete. I have also discovered that by opening up myself
to my feelings I have been able to connect with my intuition in a way I didn't
believe was possible when my only focus was on thinking my way through life.
And although I am not proposing that we abandon the thinking
mind entirely, I do believe it is time for more of us to allow our feelings to
be truly felt. To go within and discover why we have shut down that part of who
we truly are and allow it to come forth. If it is more love we want in our
life, then we are going to have to learn to truly feel love and not just talk
about it. What I have found is even by trying to explain feelings or label
them, we move away from them and more into our mind. So you don't have to talk
about your feelings, you just have to allow yourself to feel them more of the
time. I have had many people ask me "how do I feel?" My answer to them is, you
don't need to know how to feel, it is an inherent part of you. We all have the
capacity to feel, it's just that in many cases we have shut down that part of
us. So if you are interested in discovering a lost part of you, simply open up
your heart and quiet your mind. There is often a very subtle difference between
thinking and feeling and it takes practice to know whether you are coming from
your mind or your emotions. The active mind will not feel very comfortable with
your new resolve, so be careful that your mind doesn't try to talk you out of
feeling. What I have discovered is the more powerful the mind is the more it
does not want to give up its power.
I have come across many people who in a desire to protect
their feelings from being hurt at some point, have used their mind to protect
themselves from truly feeling. They have empowered the mind to protect their
heart. That was the case for me. I developed my astute mind and intellect so I
would not feel the pain that was deep within me. As I connected with my
feelings I had to let out all those unexpressed emotions that were still part of
me. It is my belief that unexpressed emotions can cause dis-ease within us.
That, I am convinced, was the case for me. Much of my physical maladies have
disappeared since I have let go of all the unexpressed emotions that were stuck
within me.
And now that I have processed many of those old emotions,
which I was hanging on to, I feel so much better and I no longer hold back on
how I am feeling. I have come to live with the fact that my heart leads the way
and my mind follows. I try to do as much as I can from my feeling place first.
I even try to allow my writing to come from how I feel and not from my rational
mind. I can actually tell the difference - when I write from my heart the words
simply flow onto the page. When I write from my mind I stop and start and
ponder and think. It doesn't feel nearly as good for me to write from my mind
as it does my heart. That is only one example of how much fuller my life is now
that I have connected with my feelings. What I have discovered for me is that
success in life does not come from being smart enough; it comes from feeling
enough.
So now the choice is yours. Do you have enough feeling in
your life? Are your decisions and actions influenced by thoughts or feelings?
Do you allow yourself to feel true happiness, sadness, joy, grief, pain, love,
etc. or do you push all of those down with your mind in order to remain neutral
and "in control"?
Summer is the perfect time to try this out. While life is
moving at a slower pace, try getting in the habit of thinking less and feeling
more. You may be very surprised by how much more enjoyable and fuller your life
could become.
