Who Am I?
About seven years ago I began a very interesting journey and
I didn't even have to leave home; it was a journey of self discovery to find
out who I really was. What I found was that I was not who I thought I was: I
was not my job, I was not my possessions, I was not what others thought of me, I
was not who I had been taught to be. I was someone completely different. And as
it turns out I really like the person I truly am. It appears that the authentic
and genuine me had been buried deep beneath my conditioned beliefs for a
long time.
As I began my journey of self discovery I started to realize
for the most part that what I believed came from others. As I was growing up, I
was given a set of "belief systems" without really being able to consciously
choose whether I agreed with them or not. I started to examine the beliefs,
values and principles that were guiding my life, and in many cases not bringing
me the freedom and happiness I so desperately wanted to find. I started to
read, attend workshops, talk with others and reflect. I began to open my eyes
to many different viewpoints and philosophies. I became aware of the belief
systems that were so engrained in me and came to realize that they had a very
big effect on who I thought I was. What if I am not who I think I am? And, if
that is the case, who am I? As I examined these beliefs which guided my thoughts
and behaviours I found in many cases they no longer served me as I began to
look for what I so desperately wanted - inner peace and contentment.
I realized that these beliefs had shaped me in so many ways
that I was becoming a "clone" of the people around me. I believed that my teachers,
parents, siblings, friends, political and religious leaders had taught me what
they believed to be the "truth." However I never really got an opportunity to
find my own reality. The journey of self discovery offered me a chance to find my
reality without accepting blindly what others had said was the "truth." Was it possible that if I changed what I believed,
that my life would become more enjoyable and sustainable? In my case, that is
exactly what I found. I began to examine all those so-called "truths" with a
more discriminating eye. I began questioning whether each of my beliefs truly
served my higher good. Interestingly enough, I found many of them did not. They
actually seemed to be the source of my suffering and discomfort. Again I asked:
was it possible that I was not who I had been taught to be, but someone
completely different? Was there someone deep inside me who had been hiding for
a long time?
I began to learn so many things about myself and the world around
me. Slowly I began to change my beliefs and philosophies and was able to find out
more about who I truly was. Although this process is ongoing I am much clearer
now on who I truly am. I learned that I
am totally responsible for what happens in my life. I learned that blaming,
complaining and procrastinating does nothing to make me happy, and if I want
something in my life I have to make it happen. I recognized that what held me
back the most was me. I began to realize that I create my own reality by how I
think. When I changed my thoughts, my world began to change. My negative and
complaining thoughts were creating much of my discomfort in life. Fear had
become a major part of my life and it didn't feel good. If I were to find
happiness and freedom, I realized I had to think differently. My first coach
taught me that awareness precedes choice and choice precedes change. I became
aware of the thoughts that were running through my mind. My mind was always
racing - thinking, thinking and more thinking. I recognized that if I were to
change my thoughts I first had to slow them down. I was always in such a hurry
because I thought life was a race. I have since discovered that life is a
journey to be savoured each step of the way. Yesterday is history, tomorrow is
a mystery and today is a gift. I began to practice present moment awareness and
stopped allowing my mind to be so fixated on the past and the future. I began
to realize how many fear thoughts were constantly coming up in my mind. I made
a great effort to eliminate thoughts of fear which I could do nothing about.
And slowly, by practicing awareness and slowing down my mind, my thoughts began
to change. The miracle that I discovered was that when I began to think
differently my life began to dramatically change... for the better.
In order to focus less on what was wrong in my world I had
to give up some habits like watching television, listening, reading and
watching the news, believing that others knew more than I did and spending time
with negative people. I realized that if I focused more on what made me happy
instead of what made me afraid and depressed, I would feel better more of the
time. I moved from believing my cup was half empty to believing my cup was half
full, and now I not only believe my cup is overflowing, but I am beginning to
realize there is no cup at all-only infinite potentiality.
I realized that my biggest challenge in life was my sense of
self worth. I found I was always giving my power away to others by thinking I
wasn't good enough. I took personally what others said instead of realizing
what others say is never about me, but only directed at me. I embarked on a
program of working on my self worth, self esteem and self confidence. As I
began to feel better about me, my whole world changed. In order to do so I had
to adopt a philosophy that I was the most important person in my
world. I had to let go of an old belief which said that was selfish. It turned
out that the more I took care of myself the more I wanted to take care of
others. It became apparent that I really was a very caring, generous,
compassionate person and I truly felt good when I gave to others out of love
and not obligation. Actually, what I discovered is that most people deep down are
really good, but their lack of self worth and self love holds them back from
showing that side to others. The beliefs many people hold about competition, in
my opinion, have held them back from showing their kinder, gentler side. The
constant striving to get ahead and to get more and be more have put such
pressure on people that it is difficult for them to truly feel good about
themselves. As I began to feel more self confident I could move to a place of
accepting myself and that allowed me to truly get to know my authentic self.
When I stopped trying to prove to myself and everyone else that I was good
enough I could begin to appreciate who I really was.
As I continue to feel better about myself I am able to
continue to re-examine the beliefs that are running my life. The more I
consciously begin to choose what beliefs feel right for me, the more my life is
changing. I have put many of my beliefs and philosophies on my website to share
with others. You can check them out if you would like to- my philosophies and
beliefs (click here)
. Hopefully by reading them it inspires you to think more about your beliefs,
principles and values. It is this process of reflecting on your beliefs that may
help you in finding who you truly are.
The wonderful result of my journey of self discovery is that
I have found who I truly am. I am no longer who I was taught to be, no longer my
career or my accomplishments, no longer my possessions, no longer my appearance,
no longer the opinions of others. What I discovered is that simply put - I AM. The
ability to accept myself for who I am and no longer pretend to be someone else,
has made a phenomenal difference in my life. I have taken off my masks and now
am able to share who I truly am with the world. I feel better about myself than
I have ever felt because I know it is the authentic and genuine me that the
world now sees. I no longer have to hide or pretend. I am comfortable, free,
happy, peaceful, compassionate, caring and most of all, full of love for myself
and all those I come in contact with.
What would our world be like if more people went on a
journey of self discovery and truly answered the question - Who Am I? What
would our world be like if more of us felt good enough about ourselves that we
could take off all our masks and go back to being authentic and genuine all of
the time as we were when we first came into this world?
