The holidays can be an anxious time for kids when their parents are separated or divorced: where will they spend the holidays? Will they get to see a favorite relative? Will their parents fight? They are likely to feel longing for "how things used to be". And, they worry about their parents, particularly the parent not with them.
Here are some tips to help you give your children the best gift of all: a peaceful, happy holiday season:
Have a Plan, and Tell the Kids. Agree upon a holiday schedule (often outlined in the divorce agreement) with your ex and share it with your children before the holiday. Its important kids know in advance what will happen and that their parents are in agreement.
Avoid Bouncing. Be careful not to overwhelm the children by having them 'bounce' from house to house. (ex: Thanksgiving Brunch at Mom's, dinner at Dad's and dessert at Grandma's) which is too overwhelming logistically and emotionally for most children. It's important to give them time to settle in and enjoy the day. If at all possible, allow them to spend the full day with one parent, and alternate that holiday the following year.
Anticipate Their Feelings. Children will miss the absent parent, as well as extended family from that parent's side. They will also likely be sad or angry that things are different this year than in the past. Let them know its okay to feel sad/ angry. Help them to connect with the other parent and missing relatives if possible (a phone call or email).
Reassure them that you are OK. If your children will be with your ex for the day, they may be worrying about you. Let them know you will miss them, but will be fine. Share with them your plans (and make sure you have plans!).
Let them enjoy the holiday with your ex. If you are not the parent hosting the holiday, it's important you make the children feel good about the upcoming celebration. Encourage them to create new traditions with your ex. Wish them a good time when they are not with you and reassure them it's okay for them to have fun.
Following these tips can help to provide your children a stress-free, happy holiday season - the best gift of all.
