For continued support through the upcoming lazy, hazy days, a Trailblazers summer series will be held on alternating Thursdays, July 14 and 18, August 11 and 25 from 6:15 to 7:45pm ($35 drop-in or $115 if pain in full in advance).  

Also on Thursdays, the Passport to Better Conversations* book club/teleclass returns to help you work through barriers that prevent you from communicating your emotions and needs with direct authenticity. The text is Difficult Conversations by Douglas Stone and conference calls held July 21 through August 11, from 5 to 6pm, a perfect way to spend your commute ($45 for series).

*These workshops are open to all.  You do not have to be separated or divorced to attend these workshops.

All workshops will be held at One Journey Consulting, 75 Claypit Hill Road in Wayland (unless otherwise noted). To register, visit One Journey Consulting, call 508-276-1764 or email info@OneJourneyConsulting.com.

Lessons From My Divorce by Meg 

~ To get through the hardest journey we need take only one step at a time, but we must keep on stepping ~ Chinese Proverb

One Journey Consulting is based upon the premise that we are all on one journey. That each of us may take a different path, walking or running through soft grass or rugged mountains, but we all experience similar emotions and experiences that provide us opportunities to become who we are.

I've been fortunate to walk my divorce journey as not only a member of the One Journey team, but also as a participant in Base Camp and numerous retreats. When I first arrived at Renee's doorstep three years ago, I was newly blindsided by my marital separation, desperate to show the world I could balance and handle anything that came my way. As the years went by, I let down that need for control, allowed the feelings and pain in, and held tight to all the lessons and support that came my way.

Now, years later, I'm finally starting a new chapter in my life. Last month, I stood in front of the judge as he asked the dreaded question, "Are you sure there is nothing that can keep you in this marriage?" In less than 120 days (ironically, the same week as what would be my fourteenth anniversary), I can officially check off a different box on marital status questions. And even more surprising, my panic attacks over the prospect of dating are over. I'm in a new relationship, one that makes me smile and allows me to be completely myself. I'm not letting the pain of my past interfere, but am using the lessons to build something real and amazing.

And speaking of those lessons, here are a few I've learned over the past three years as a result of my divorce journey:

1.     Most people just won't 'get it'. There are just some things, like childbirth, that unless you experience them, you will never know how bad it hurts, what it involves or how long it takes to heal.

2.     It is essential that you surround yourself with those who do 'get it.' My One Journey friends are amazing. I can say, "I met the girlfriend" and immediately they are there to surround me with support, instinctively knowing how I feel and what words I need to hear.

3.     Do the work. Whether you were the leaver or the leavee, you have to recognize your part in the marital breakdown. I did things, consciously or not, that affected my relationship and it is essential that I acknowledge my role so I don't repeat the same mistakes.

4.     Healing is not linear. Sometimes it feels like one step forward, two steps back (or maybe three steps to the right). But as long as I keep moving, I know that it will be okay.

5.     Find a team (attorney, financial planner, coach/therapist, best friend, etc.) that works FOR you and aligns with your intention. I had a great attorney (Karen Argetsinger) who understood what I wanted out of my divorce process and how I wanted to live my life during and after. I'm incredibly grateful for how she made an impossible experience so easy and made me feel supported and never alone.

6.     Have an intention for your divorce.Renee and Di talk about this in Base Camp and I think it's one of the best homework pieces of the group. Proactively deciding how you want to be in your divorce allows you the platform to make choices and actions that align with that desire. It's like a GPS that keeps you directed and moving toward your future.

7.     Don't close yourself off to love. This lesson I resisted with fierce determination that my life didn't need and couldn't fit in a new relationship. I was so wrong. And while I'm still petrified of getting my heart broken, I am so grateful for this joy and magic in my life.

8.     You will be the topic of gossip. People talk and ruminate and judge, especially about the end of someone's marriage. It's inevitable and there's nothing I can do to prevent it. All I can do is uphold my intention, keep my head held high and surround myself with my 'get it' people.

9.     There is no giant D on your forehead. In a crowd of strangers, no one knows I'm divorced and they aren't pointing fingers at me. Not that I have anything to be ashamed of, but there is no outward sign that my husband left me for a woman a decade younger. So I don't need to hide or keep my head down.

10.  The only expectations you need to live up to are your own. I'd rather make mistakes doing what I think is right for me and my children, then just "get by" on someone else's perception of what is right for us.

11.  Things will be okay, and most likely, even better than before. Despite all the challenges I face, things are okay. I have people around me who support and love me. I live a life and make choices I'm proud of, and I know that life is not about what I don't have, but about who I am, what I do and what I have to give.

~ Let your mind start a journey thru a strange new world. Leave all thoughts of the world you knew before. Let your soul take you where you long to be...Close your eyes let your spirit start to soar, and you'll live as you've never lived before. ~ Erich Fromm
 

So for those on the divorce journey or another life transition, what lessons have you learned (or want to learn)? We'd love to hear from you on our blog- an easy way to share and leave a comment.

On legal options... Every divorcing person should know that there are a number of options available to them in deciding how to handle their situation. By utilizing alternative dispute resolution methods, you and your spouse have the ability to take control over the resolution. If there are children involved, no one knows and loves them as much as you both do and instead of a Judge making the decisions, you are able to provide a voice for them at the table. 

Do take caution in other people's stories, it helps anticipate certain parts of the process, but each situation is different and what happened in your brother's, friend's or cousin's divorce most likely will not happen in yours.

Taking preventative steps, moving forward to having a new relationship with your spouse and allowing a transition from the marriage to the next chapter together is empowering. Finally, there is hope and you will survive the process, just take one step at a time and find appropriate professionals to help you charter through this process. Every person should have a "Board of Directors" and attorneys are an intricate member.

Laura Hackel, shaman and co-leader of our women's retreats, will be conducting her Crystal Bowl Workshops throughout the summer. At these amazing healing events, Laura lets the wisdom of the ages guide her to playing the crystal bowls in a way that releases stress, raises vibrations and helps invite into your life a pattern of living you've always wanted. Held at 3 Bow Street on June 22 (7-9pm) and July 6 (10-Noon). Contact Laura for additional information and dates.