Reflections on Last Year's Retreat by Sam

Driving up for the One Journey Women's Retreat Weekend last year, I had that feeling...you know, the "What am I doing? I'm not going to know ANYONE!" feeling. But by the time we left on Sunday, I felt I had made new connections with others going through this trial that those who haven't been through a divorce just don't KNOW. (Kind of like childbirth - you can't really tell anyone what that's going to be like until you go through it. Same for divorce.)

First of all, the house was beautiful. Overlooking the ocean, with a hot-tub and tons of windows, I really couldn't have anticipated how truly wonderful it was to just get away. And it was only an hour drive!

Second: the program of healing that Renée and Di have developed - from reflection and workshops to spiritual and holistic healing - is just amazing. If you enter with an open mind, there is potential for growth, change, and seeing yourself in a new light.

One unexpected facet of the weekend: I found myself connecting with loss in a way I had thought I was done with. I had processed my divorce in therapy, with friends, in Base Camp, and even with my ex. But I found that my soul, my inner self, still had sadness and grieving to do. This may sound heavy or off-putting, but it was a relief to be able to connect with this part of myself that had lost so much - dreams, a home, a vision of myself and my marriage, a vision of myself as a married parent - in the safe company of others who, too, had lost much, whatever their specific circumstances.

At first I was uncomfortable with this... after all, aside from Renée, these people were strangers. But the kindness of the group and its leaders, and the willingness of others to connect and share, allowed me to let my guard down in a way that I needed. Combined with the healing work of Laura and Vail, the exercises we did helped me to view myself (even through the sadness) as strong, competent, and healing/growing/changing. Then you add in the delicious food and the chance to have a glass of wine and let down our hair together - it gave me a much-needed boost of renewal and hope for the coming season.

This was just MY experience, but I highly recommend this retreat to anyone who is looking for an opportunity to dive more deeply into places within themselves that might not get to breathe as openly in their day-to-day lives. I also was very grateful for the feedback given to me by others. I left this weekend feeling more open, more seen and heard, and more like a force for goodness and healing in the world. As I drove back to my children, my newly configured life, and the challenges that still lay ahead, I felt just a little stronger, just a little more aware of who I was, and what strengths I had tucked in my back pocket that I hadn't even realized.

There are still a few spots available for the Spring Retreat held April 1-3 in Hampton, NH. The focus will be on helping you to develop more open, trusting relationships with others, using the exploration of authenticity, self-esteem and vulnerability as a path to emotional connection with others. To register, visit the Calendar on our website.

We all have them- those people in our lives that suck the energy and joy out of our day. On Saturday Night Live, it was a character named Debby Downer. In Harry Potter's world, they were called Dementors. And in Dr. Judith Orloff's book, Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself from Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life, they are referred to as emotional vampires.

Emotional vampires can be a co-worker, neighbor, best friend or family member. They appear as regular people at first glance, and it may take numerous encounters, and sometimes years, before you identify their true nature. Sometimes, an EV operates with small digs about your appearance or habits that chip away at your self-esteem and before you know it, you feel unworthy and unlovable (you never again wear the purple dress your sister-in-law said made your hips look 'hippy'). You feel drained and exhausted after coffee with the new neighbor, hoping she never needs a cup of sugar. Or it's a colleague who smiles sweetly to your face, but never returns emails or answers questions necessary to accomplishing your goal. All of these are emotional vampires.

If you are still unsure if your colleague or sister is an EV, here are some tell-tale signs (according to Orloff) that you've spent time with an emotional vampire:

·         Your eyelids are heavy and you feel ready for a nap

·         You feel put down or like you've been hit by a truck

·         Your mood plummets and no amount of sunshine improves it

·         You have a strong desire to binge on carbs, chocolate or comfort food

·         You feel criticized, slimed or covered in emotional yuck

·         You feel the need to complain about something, anything to rid yourself of the negativity

Now, even though vampires are celebrated in today's entertainment world, EVs should be avoided at all cost. They drain your energy and self-esteem and are psychically damaging to soul. Dramatic, yes, but true. Unfortunately, reality often prevents you from these cutting people out of your life completely. So what do you do?

Once you know someone is an EV, you can employ a plan to reduce their negative effects. When you are with the person, stay centered and breathe to combat rising anxiety; visualize a protective shield around you deflecting the comments and pessimism. When faced with criticism, question the actual truth about the statement and decide whether you care if it's true or not (i.e. if that dress does make you look hippy, does that outweigh the ease and comfort of it?). See if you can combat their darkness with joy- just like in the movies, there's nothing more debilitating to an EV than sunshine.  And after the interaction, implement something healthy that refuels your soul.

And probably the best advice I've ever been given- pick your battles if you decide on war. You may want to return their criticism with your own version of venom, but open attacks often empower an EV. I'm not suggesting you take it on the chin, but if you are going for the direct approach, know what kind of EV you are dealing with so you know the right approach to ward off additional destruction (Orloff's book outlines four types of EVs and action steps to cope with them). 

Our resident shaman and intuitive healer, Laura Hackel, is holding a Crystal Bowl Healing Workshop on Sunday, March 20 & April 10, 6:00 - 7:00pm at Yoga Moves, 274 Main Street, Reading, MA 781.944.9040 (Entrance in back of the building with plenty of parking). Laura lets the wisdom of the ages guide her to playing the crystal bowls in a way that releases our current patterns of running our life that no longer serve us. The crystal bowls and your intentions in this workshop will lighten your energetic load and leave you free to store beliefs that will better support you for the life you want to live now.

Bring: A yoga mat and maybe a pillow if you'd like to lay down. Register here for this workshop and click the "Workshop" tab. $25 in advance, $30 at the door

Laura is a former corporate executive turned shaman, energetic healer and ceramic artist. She uses her keen intuition to guide her in healing individuals, groups and spaces and will also be a part of the upcoming spring retreat!