Upcoming Services from One Journey Consulting

If you have made a resolution to let go of the negative, and learn and grow from your divorce, we have scheduled a new Journey of Divorce Base Camp to begin Thursday, February 10 (and run through March 24, no class February 24).

For those who have attended Base Camp, Trailblazers will return on February 3 (through March 17, no class on February 24) to continue the healing and positive forward motion.   

And to jump start your next steps with a healthy relationship, the Journey of Dating* (February 2 and 16, March 2, 16, 30, and April 13) returns for those who want to use the dating experience as an opportunity to grow, learn and not repeat the same relationship mistakes.

And please note the change of date for our Women's Spring Retreat*- it will now be held Friday through Sunday, April 1-3 in Hampton, NH.

All workshops will be held at One Journey Consulting, 75 Claypit Hill Road in Wayland (unless otherwise noted). To register, visit One Journey Consulting, call 508-276-1764 or email info@OneJourneyConsulting.com.

Missed Connections by Renee Cooper

In fact, as I've worked through my own divorce journey, and partnered hundreds of clients through theirs, I've discovered that this simultaneous longing for and fear of intimate connection is a universal human experience.  We all suffer from it to one degree or another.  And yet, like everyone else I know, I want more than anything to have close, intimate connection with others - open, trusting, transparent, to be seen, known and loved for all that I am, and to love in return -- joyfully, whole-heartedly, without reservation. 

And yet, for most of us, time and again something gets in the way of that connection.  But what is it?  Why, when we want so desperately to be intimately connected with others, do we resist, pull away,  create barriers?

Emerging research in the field of human behavior may offer clues... and hope.  Many experts[1] are zeroing in on shame and unworthiness as the roots of fear of intimacy.  Uncomfortable words, shame and unworthiness, words we don't talk about much in everyday conversation.  But the research suggests we all carry some elements of these  - if you've ever felt embarrassed, or reluctant to reveal something about yourself, or had trouble admitting you made a mistake... you can be sure that shame and unworthiness are close by.

These inklings of unworthiness are the source of our deepest fear:  that if someone knows us - really knows us, with all our imperfections - they could not possibly love us.  So, we keep our real selves, our wounded and flawed and afraid selves, sealed off from view.  We resist being "vulnerable" - many of us run like mad in the other direction in the face of the "V" word (and I'm speaking from personal experience here).  And so our loved ones cannot know us, cannot see us as we are, because we haven't let them.  And we're left with less-than-satisfying connections.

There is a way out.  The antidote to shame and unworthiness is what Dr. Brené Brown calls "the courage to be imperfect".  According to Brown, the practice of living authentically and transparently, embracing our flaws and imperfections, is the key to "wholeheartedness" - the quality that allows for vulnerability, intimacy and connection.  (For more on Dr. Brown's research, visit www.brenebrown.com).

Easy to say.  Scary to do.  But at 49 years old, I think I can finally say I'm ready to take on the V word.  I'm ready to live the second half of my life in a more connected, intimate way, embracing my imperfections, befriending my flaws, and allowing others to know them.  And I know it will be a practice, something to work on every day.  I'd better get started.

If you care to practice with me, we will be devoting our spring retreat to the topic of Authenticity, Self-Esteem and Connection.  For more info or to enroll, visit our web site www.OneJourneyConsulting.com.

The Power of a Word by Meg Gehan 

It's January- a great opportunity to make resolutions about what you want to create (or let go of) in the New Year. Everyone does it - we make vows that this is THE YEAR we will lose weight, break a bad habit or jumpstart business or personal goals. Yet weeks later, most of us have fallen back into our old routines.

Years ago, I started a new personal New Year's tradition. Instead of creating goals (the 'g' word makes me cringe), I decided I needed a theme for the year. Something to motivate and help me grow. In the past, I've used 'OPPORTUNITY' to help push me into situations that I normally would've avoided due to nerves, and last year it was 'BELIEVE'. I used these words to propel, guide and inspire me through all sorts of challenging moments during the year.

However I've realized that by June, these words didn't have the same power as they did in January. So this year, I've decided to change it up, adding a new word to my repertoire as the months rolled by.

Thus far, January is 'FOCUS.' As in, blocking out extraneous stimuli (yes, and that includes Facebook and emails) as I work, as well as being fully present in the moment. I juggle too many things, and need to learn to concentrate on only one or two at a time.

And while I know I will need to keep FOCUS on my message board for the whole year, a new one will go under it in February. I feel it creeping up on me...the energy and excitement...the drive for 'FUN'. It's already started. I've vowed to no longer spend my child-free nights in front of the television. I've started a fitness class to boost my energy, and I've signed up for the Journey of Dating. I want to get out there, do things, experience life. I'm tired of watching it pass me by.

And when March rolls around and I'm losing steam or finding myself retreating into my shell of fear and unworthiness (see Renée's article), a new word will come to me...giving me the boost I need to keep going. Maybe it will be something simple like 'TRY' or 'COURAGE,' but it will be there waiting to help me make this the best year yet!