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The Art of the Difficult Conversation by Meg Gehan   

Difficult conversations. We've all dreaded them. We've all failed at them. While the topic can vary, most difficult conversations contain one, two or all three elements: a disagreement or different perspective about a situation, emotions that either overtly or covertly leak into the dialog and the deeper, subtle underlying questions that ambush the dialogue about what the situation says about ME!

Effective and connected conversation is an art form, but also a learned skill. If done well, it can create greater fulfillment in any relationship.

When was the last time you had to confront someone, share difficult news or ask/answer an emotionally charged question?  Did you stew on how to approach the other person or did you charge right in? Do you remember how you felt in your body? The ease of the words off your lips? Your reaction to what was said in response? Was there a resolution to the issue?

While we start talking within a year of our birth, the art of difficult conversations takes decades to develop. Sometimes a lifetime. The reciprocal exchange, active listening and respect for alternate perspectives are not instinctual skills. They must be learned and practiced. And unfortunately, in the heat of the moment, they are often forgotten.

For example, the other night I experienced the trifecta of difficult conversations resulting from a physical encounter between my oldest son and his best friend. Moments after I sent the other boy home, the phone rang and my stomach dropped. How would I explain to the boy's mother what happened when I was unclear about the details? I had a feeling the story she heard from her son was different than the one shared by mine, which involved her son bullying my youngest son. And how could I delicately explain that her son was disrespectful toward me without confounding the issue?

After handling this difficult conversation with the boy's mom, I called my ex to inform him. Tiptoeing around the potential landmines that could have exploded, I suppressed the negative reactions and biting remarks I wanted to express about him, staying focused on our child and not on past regressions. Not an easy feat, I admit, but a necessary one.

Then, my third and final difficult conversation - sitting down with my son and confronting the choice he made to use physical force with his friend.  I shared my appreciation for his protecting his little brother, but disapproval of his methods. I created space for him to express his feelings and we came to a new understanding. It was a "learning conversation".

All three conversations were challenging. I didn't want to be in any of them. I knew the possible repercussions if I did not handle these well.  I knew I had to relinquish any thought about 'winning' the conversations or blaming others.  Staying in a neutral position and keeping my balance by avoiding defensiveness and criticism were not easy things to do, but ones that helped me walk away with dignity and a feeling of success.

If you want to learn more about how to have difficult conversations with less anxiety and ultimately more reward, join our Passport Teleclass starting in December.

The World of 100 Author Unknown 

  

There are times on any journey when we feel lost, alone, unfortunate or deprived. We lose sight of our blessings and forget to offer gratitude for what we have. Remember...

If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep, you are richer than 75% of this world.

If you woke up this morning with more health than illness, you are more blessed than the million who will not survive this week.

If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish someplace, you are among the top 8% of the world's wealthy.

If you can attend a church meeting without fear of harassment, arrest, torture, or death, you are more blessed than three billion people in the world.

If you have never experienced the danger of battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation, you are ahead of 500 million people in the world.

If you can hold someone's hand, hug them, or even touch them on the shoulder, you are blessed because you can offer healing touch.

If you hold up your head with a smile on your face and are truly thankful, you are blessed because the majority can, but most do not.

If you can read this message, you are more blessed than over two billion people in the world who cannot read at all.

As you read this and are reminded how life is in the rest of the world, remember just how blessed you really are!

The full article can be found on our Consulting One Journey blog.