| Writing effective mission statements |
For a recent article on hospital mission statements I began searching for examples on the internet. What a vast array I found! And, do you know, I'd say at least 80 percent read as though they had been written by committee.
"Written by committee" means that several concepts are jammed into each sentence in order to please each committee member. The reader is offered too much at once, and frequently in confused prose.
Here's a good "before" example:
To provide excellent family centered health care to children in an academic environment that meets or exceeds the expectations of those we serve and educate. To collaborate with others in our community to improve the health status of children.
See how in just the first sentence six different concepts are squeezed together?
· family centered care
· care that is excellent
· care for children
· care in an academic environment
· meeting or exceeding expectations
· both service and education
Here's one way to make this first sentence much easier to read and understand:
To provide outstanding family centered health care to children in our academic hospital facilities, and to exceed the expectations of those we serve and educate.
In this version, the sentence is in two equal parts, each introduced by the infinitive form (to provide, to exceed).
It's an easy step from here to add the second sentence, which also begins with the infinitive form (to collaborate), and make the whole into a single, balanced sentence:
To provide outstanding family centered health care to children in our academic hospital facilities, to exceed the expectations of those we serve and educate, and to collaborate with others in our community to improve the health status of children.
To learn more about writing effective mission statements, see the complete (free) article at my website.
See you in October!
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| Jane Sherwin is a professional writer specializing in marketing materials for health care and wellness. In addition to in-depth articles, brochures, newsletters and web content, she provides e-mail marketing services. Visit About Worddrive for more information. |
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