Charlene Ann Baumbich
How to Wrestle a Snake--REALLY
September  2008
Stuff to DO
QUICK LINKS: In This Issue
Greeting
TODAY'S MESSAGE
TwinkleGram Survey RESULTS: We MOSTLY like COSMETICS!
TAKE ME TO THE NEW SURVEY - about TOILET PAPER
Christmas is coming. Get ready!
Dearest Dorothy & website info
MANAGE YOUR SUBSCRIPTION
Dear TwinkleGrammers,
 
It's my BIRTHDAY MONTH--one more year when I shall be old enough for some senior discounts, but not all of them.  And yet, I have no complaints or regrets about turning 63. 
When it's your birthday month, you receive good wishes and stuff.  In fact, I'd like to publicly thank long-time faithful TwinkleGrammer and personal encourager Linda T for her recent gift--which I promise I do NOT mention to inspire the rest of you to send me something.  HONEST!  Even though Linda T has undergone the ravages of cancer treatment and other personal dramas (and don't we all have those?) the last few years, she continues to encourage others.  Right on!

It's also my anniversary month:  Big George and I will be celebrating 39 years together.  (Oh, my!)   If you share a September celebration, HAPPY-HAPPY!  If you don't, HAPPY-HAPPY anyway! 

Now, a word about the TwinkleGrams.  If you are a new TwinkleGrammer (and even if you're not), welcome and listen up:  TwinkleGrams can appear overwhelming.  So many notes, messages, survey results, surveys, sometimes pictures, updates, book offers and/or book winners, links and fonts. . . .  (Charlene, take a graphics course!)  But here's the deal:  the CORE POINT of the TwinkleGram is to encourage you.  If all you want is Today's Message--perhaps a laugh, a tear or a challenge--then read it and move on with your life.  No need to yell or waste time slogging through what doesn't interest you.  Glance through the QUICK LINKS: In This Issue (above right) and just click on what fuels you most, then get on with your day.  No need to even scroll, scroll, scroll. 

However you tackle this missive, Don't Miss Your Life!  It's not only my message and mantra, but the title of my new nonfiction book releasing June 2009!   So, STAY TUNED, and Twinkle On!


Charlene's Signature
Today's Message

So, there I was, up at The Farm (where I go hide to write), sitting at my keyboard, enjoying the writing process for my next novel.  The storyline involves a snowglobe, three dogs, a daycare provider and mother of four sons (six and under) who live in the town of Wanonishaw MN.  There is a magical/mystical element to the new series (I'm told the genre is "magical realism"), so when I'm "lost" to the writing, the Real World often feels kind of foggy when I "return" from that process. 

Come with me now, into that foggy area, where I entered when a bathroom call and a powerful thirst interrupted the writing. 
BUT BEFORE YOU GET TO THE FOG, know you are now the FIRST to know some of the details about the new series!  Don't you feel clever?

Now, into the fog with me . . .

On my way to the kitchen
, while passing through the living room, I noticed Kornflake, our big red dog, standing about five feet from the wall, facing it.  He was squatted (all four legs half bent) and his back legs were quaking.  He leaned forward a bit, snapped back and quaked some more.  (Remember, there are dogs in my new novel!)

"What are you doing, bud?"  He did not even turn his head to look at me.  Strange.  I stepped up to get a closer look, thinking maybe he was having a seizure (scary thought, but he was trembling and . . . ) or stalking a grasshopper or something.  His behavior was unsettling.  Then I saw the object of his spasms.

SNAKE! 

A SNAKE was coiled (wound around itself like a braid rug), its head up and its neck arched like a rattler poised to strike. 

I did a double-take and shook my head.  After all, I was still in the foggy zone.  Maybe my mind was still "seeing" the fictional unseen.   But no, it was a SNAKE!

I'd just read a newspaper article WITHIN THE WEEK that the timber rattlers in the southeastern Minnesota region were very active.  YIKES!  But surely I did not have a rattle snake in my living room.  Calm down, Charlene.  Still, what's a midwestern woman (who's owned two motorcycles, ridden in barrel races and bungee jumped) to do?  Those of you who've been with me for a while will not be surprised to learn I ACTIVATED!

I ran to the kitchen and grabbed the best weapon I could come up with:  the long-handled corn tongs.  I figured I'd just pick up the whole coil of snake with the tongs, take it outside and deposit it in the cow pasture.  However, when the end of the tongs got within about two feet from the snake's head, IT
RATTLED,   LAUNCHED ITS HEAD STRAIGHT AT ME (stealth, like a bullet), and RECOILED!

This gets one's attention.  So much for the corn tongs.

I ran to the garage to get a shovel (locking Kornflake out on the porch as I went), praying all the while that the snake did not disappear during my absence.  When I returned, it was still there, but it immediately started heading for the heating vent--then slithering through it. 

NO LOOSE SNAKE IN MY HOUSE!  NOT ON MY WATCH!  NOT WHILE I HAVE TO SLEEP HERE!  I pictured him (or her) just adoring the warm dark space between the lining and bladder of the ancient water bed we have up there
NO WAY!

I shall herewith skip all the FRANTIC details and cut you to the capture--to the point where Greg, my neighbor, arrived.  By the time he walked in, I was (and I am NOT writing fiction here) lying on the floor on my belly, hanging on to the snake's tail--which at some point I'd realized (oddly so) did not have a rattle on the end of it.   (Had my shock at the snake's discovery and the recent newspaper article caused me to imagine I'd heard a rattle?)  Linda, who'd first responded to the frantic HELP-HELP phone call I made while holding the snake in place with the shovel (thank you God that the cordless phone was within reach) was also  standing by.  Scattered around us was the shovel , a screw driver, leather gloves, a very tall bucket and the corn tongs, all of which we'd both tried to use in efforts to dislodge Mr. Sneaky Snake and handle things on our own. 
At one point, she, too, had held the tail!  Greg (Linda's husband)--who we eventually had to call home from work because we could not get the vent to come off the wall, nor the snake to pull back through the vent (it wound itself around something up behind the wall)--eventually removed the vent, put the vent containing the weary snake (half-way through it) in the bucket, and headed out to the field. 

Gee.  I can't IMAGINE why I didn't think to grab the camera and get a picture of all this for the TwinkleGram!  HA!

Turns out the snake was a bullsnake.  Bullsnakes are not poisonous; they kill by constricting.  (Nice.  Picture head on pillow, snake slips out from waterbed lining . . . )

NO! DO NOT PICTURE THAT! 

The affirming
thing about learning it was a bullsnake is that bullsnakes mimic rattlesnakes.  They make a noise with their throat that sounds like a rattlesnake, and they vibrate their tails on the floor to sound like one, and they coil like one, and can flatten their heads like one.  [View an AWESOME video here so you can see and hear it in action.  If you click the video to the right of this called "Hissing bullsnake" you'll also see how they STRIKE!] So, at least I was vindicated in that I HAD heard a rattling noise.  However, it was not, thank goodness, a rattlesnake.  Yes, bullsnakes can bite (ouch!), but they are not poisonous, so I could not have died--accept from FRIGHT!

The thing about finding a snake in your living room is that it offers the perfect opportunity for you to be reminded how much we really do need each other. 

Perhaps you're experiencing an event in your life that has you stuck, feeling like you're hanging on to the tail end of a snake that just won't give up the fight.  Have you asked for help yet?  If not, pick up the phone, holler to the other room, email a friend and express your need.  There is no sense in going it alone, not when you don't have to.

If your default mode is, "I can handle this alone" or, "Who would I call anyway?", think again.   Sneaky-snake PRIDE often blinds us to the need to ask for help.  Just get over yourself and get 'er done!

"I need help."  What brave and sane words.  Why not just FORWARD this email (link right below) and start your message with, "Sometimes, Charlene knows what she's talking about."  Then, if it is true,  add, "I need help, and here's why."



 
If you're the friend who received the forward, SUBSCRIBE!
TwinkleGrammer COSMETICS Survey Says:
well, you had LOTS to say about it!

What FUN you had, talking about cosmetics!  I laughed, my heart was moved, I took a few notes!  We've got lots of former and/or current Mary Kay, Avon and Cover Girl users/reps among us.  Aren't we beautiful?!

THANK YOU--sincerely--for jumping in on the surveys.  I'm convinced nobody has more fun with these than me.  Reading through the answers is the highlight of my TwinkleGram preparations, and this time you certainly did not disappoint.

You can see the cosmetic survey stats by going here. Your personal chatty answers won't show up, so I'm going to share some of my favs .  You're the best!  Thanks for opening your hearts and funny bones!

The survey question is ALL CAPPED AND UNDERLINED.  Your answers are preceded by the -- copied and pasted right in.

 
------------------------------
MY COLOR PALETTE LEANS TOWARD THE: 

--covert  (I laughed out LOUD when I read this!)

WHO TAUGHT YOU HOW TO APPLY MAKE-UP?  (You LOVED talking about this!   The question--the memories surrounding this right of passage--must tap into some very deep place within.  THANK YOU all for sharing such tender and laugh-out-loud memories!)

--I have received some GREAT tips for makeup artists on QVC.

--I had to learn early, because I was a dancer, but I remember my mom putting it on me for recitals, so I must have learned it from her.  And Seventeen magazine.

--My girlfriend Sandy whose father was in the Mafia (true, but I didn't know it at the time). She gave me a white lipstick for my thirteenth birthday (quit laughing, it was 1968!) and showed me how to wear it

--When I was 13, my DAD gave me one of those huge pallette makeup cases for Christmas. My Mom did not approve. After that I read every magazine article I could find.  That is how I learned. (Plus a couple of professional lessons from the lady at the hair salon.My mother and older sister never wear makeup so, they were no help.)

--I taught my self.  My mother is allergic to everything on earth so she never wore it, only lipstick very red.. Hey it was the 60's just smear it on and make your eyes look like the black holes in space who needs instruction for that. Since becoming over 55, disabled and unemployed I quit using make up except lip stick - Geez I am my mother!

--no one, and it's obvious :-(

--My 15 year old daughter, Amy.  Since she was little playing dress up, she has had a flare with the makeup.  Her little friends would look amazing.  In middle school I told her she could not wear eye makeup.  Didn't matter, she made her own and it was so good, I didn't even notice it!  Now she is trying to get me to get pink (my favorite color) highlights in my hair to match the blue ones she has in her red hair!

--I used to work for Maybelline so a make up artist taught me how to apply make up.

--I attended Jeanne Hamilton Modeling Agency in Louisville, KY, when I was 19 and learned there.  I lived in Southern Indiana (right over the bridge), on a farm...and farm girls don't do much applying of make up.

--The older girls that lived across the street from me where I grew up.  They even held me DOWN once and forced me to allow them to pluck my eyebrows!!

--I've never even thought about that before. However, as I look back at some old pictures, I see my undereye make-up screaming, "Look, no dark circles!" Of course, it looks I have  1/2 white-wall tires sitting on my cheeks. So bad.


HOW'D YOU LOOK AFTER YOU GOT YOUR MAKE-UP DONE AT A MAKE-UP COUNTER?

--I always end up looking like a drag queen.  They then want to give me an "evening look."  Evening = drag queen

--My eyes rivaled Charlie Manson's!

--Had the feeling that perhps that was the way I would look at the funeral home before the dirt nap!

--I tell them I want a daytime look.

--Never gone that route, I guess all those germs lurking around the counters Ugggh!

--The skin under the eyes was a glowing, healthy color, not my usual sleep-deprived violet blue puff!

--I avoid those counters, out of my budget!  Remember Cover Girl....

--Can't "get naked in a department store"- asking me to take off my make-up for a make-over is like asking me to sit butt-naked at the cosmetic counter!

--It was hard to tell...they only did half of my face!!!



IF these responses brought back some memories, why not share them with a family member or girlfriend?  Just push the forward button below!
If this TwinkleGram was forwarded by a friend, SUBSCRIBE!
Roll of Toilet Paper NEW TwinkleGrammer
SURVEY SAYS:
It's all about our
TOILET PAPER!

Surveys are FUN!  Surveys give you a chance to weigh in and find out what others are thinking.  Plus, some of the multiple choice questions might even give you a laugh.  So, why not?  TAKE THE SURVEY?  Trust me, it won't take you long!  In a world when we often don't feel heard, BECOME A PART OF THE ANSWERS!

TAKE ME TO THE SURVEY!
 
 WATCH YOUR MAILBOX FOR:

AN EARLY TWINKLEGRAM SPECIAL
CHRISTMAS SHOPPING OPPORTUNITY
 
dd6 cover DEAREST DOROTHY INFO

Thank you to everyone who's inquired about a new Dearest Dorothy book or the lack of updates on my websites.  Information is posted here.

Lots of changes behind me, and many more coming!
 
An IMPORTANT REMINDER . . .
"Forward email," "SafeUnsubscribe," "Update Profile/Email Address," etc. links are available at the bottom of this e-mail.  Those are all hyperlinks for YOU (not me) to do those things.  So, please keep a TwinkleGram in your email files so you can handily make changes, like, say, you get a new email address.  The way I've set things up, it's WAAAAAY easier for YOU (not me) to handily manage your own subscription.   Thanks!