Good and bad stress

Stress may be defined as the physical pressure or force exerted on one object by another.  Anxiety, pressure, burden, strain and worry are common synonyms for this definition of stress.  The general connotation is negative but that isn't the case for all types of stress.   For example,    eustress is a short term stress that motivates us to concentrate on important activities.  It is the force that motivates you to deliver a speech, serve a tennis ball or take an exam.  Hypostress  happens when there isn't enough stimulation like when you have to do boring or repetitive work.  So after a week of vacation at the beach some people may experience hypostress because there is not enough action  or stimulation.  Hyperstress  happens when too many tasks and responsibilities pile up and we are unable to adapt or cope with these changes.  In hyperstress the source is identifiable, such as too many competing deadlines at work and home.  Hyperstress causes physical and chemical reactions in the body.  If the stress is not alleviated exhaustion sets in.  In contrast, distress takes place when the source of the problem is unclear or unknown.  Sources of hyperstress and distress include:  anticipated and unexpected life events, competing demands on our time and our roles as workers and family members and the resulting decision making challenges that those roles foster.

Stress and Conflict

Someone who is in a state of hyperstress may cause a conflict to occur that is really not about the core issue.  There are three types of such conflicts:

Overblown conflict:  one where a relatively unimportant issue gets exaggerated or blown out of proportion.

Misplaced conflict: one that is directed towards the wrong issues. In this case people address things that are safe to argue about rather than the core issues.

Displaced conflict:   One that is directed towards the wrong person.  Displaced conflicts are generally resolved with an apology.  If you get a parking ticket because your parking permit arrived late and you have a tirade with the manager of the safety and parking office who was just following rules this is a displaced conflict.

You have probably experienced these kinds of conflicts but didn't know how to identify them.

Managing Stress

Our thought processes affect the way we perceive events and interactions.  This impacts our reactions and the choices we make in responding to such events.   One stress management tool is to become conscious of our choices.  The ABC approach, advocated by   Ruth Abigail and Dudley Cahn in Managing Conflict Through Communication. Boston, MA: Pearson, 2011, breaks down a stressful event into three steps.  A is the activating event or trigger.  B is our relevant beliefs and C is the consequences or effects of the stressor. 

While we may not have control or influence over the event that triggers stress we do have the ability to control the B and C, our beliefs or thoughts about the stressor and how we interpret and perceive its effect on us.  Depending on your beliefs and perceptions about a stress triggering event it can have positive or negative consequences. 

To better manage stress we can examine what we can do to eliminate or reduce the impact  of the stressor or change our beliefs or the consequences we assign to those beliefs.  For example, if a work relationship with a colleague is challenging, until you switch jobs you may not be able to eliminate the trigger; however,  you can change your beliefs or the consequences you assign to the stressful relationship.  This means reframing or recharacterizing the stressful relationship.  While certain core beliefs, like moral values, may be hard to change many beliefs can be altered.  Thus, you can change your belief about the challenging workplace relationship.  Finally you can change your reaction or interpretation of the consequences of the negative relationship.    You can decide that this relationship won't have certain negative impacts on your work performance.

Irrational thinking, pessimism, doomsday attitudes and intolerance are examples of thoughts that contribute to stress and increase the likelihood of conflict escalation.  Become aware of these kinds of negative thoughts and attitudes.

Try out the ABC approach for managing stress and follow the tips below.

Next month:  Saving Face