While out of town for a conference a number of years ago, I shared a meal with several other women, most of whom I knew. We had a pleasant time chatting and laughing as we relaxed before the evening's activities were to begin ... and then the bill came. One of the women made the comment "Shall we just split it evenly?", a reasonable question as we all had basically had the same thing to eat.
"SHE had something extra!" came from one of the women I didn't know well, pointing an accusatory finger directly down the table at me. "And I don't think I should have to pay for it!"
Well, yes, I had. I had ordered an extra skewer of the chicken satay. But, in my defense, I didn't have the cocktails the other women had enjoyed. (I was abstaining due to pregnancy.) So if I didn't mind sharing the cost of their beverages, why was she so upset at the idea of paying for part of my food?Ugh. Sometimes the matter of paying a restaurant bill can become way too complicated. A group of friends who get together frequently may find it easiest to divide the bill evenly. Then there are the occasions when one or more people order expensive entrees, perhaps an expensive beverage or wine, appetizers and dessert, only to suggest afterwards "Let's just split the check evenly, shall we?"
Here are some suggestions to help avoid and/or deal with this situation:
1. Ask for separate checks. For groups of six or less, restaurants and servers usually don't have a problem with this if you let them know before you order. If you are part of a larger party, make note of the cost of your items and be prepared to pay that amount when the check is presented. Don't forget to figure in the cost of any tax and an appropriate gratuity.
2. If you find yourself in the above scenario and dine with someone who has an expensive appetite, feel free to speak up in a courteous manner. "My budget can't keep up with your selections this evening, so why don't we pay for our own choices. My portion of the bill comes to $XX."
3. Agree upon how the bill will be handled before anyone orders. "So, do we want to split the bill evenly or 'pay as we eat' tonight?"
4. If there is just a few dollars difference, consider divvying up the cost evenly. I once worked with a woman who would pull out a calculator to figure out the cost down to the penny, despite the fact that we had both ordered soup, salad and a beverage for lunch. It always left a bad taste in my mouth...
5. This is an excellent time to bring cash, not a card, for payment.
Be aware of your wording when ordering appetizers or a bottle of wine. "If I order a bottle of wine, will you have some?" implies you will be paying for it. "Would you like to share an appetizer?" means just that -- sharing the food and cost. At the same time, keep in mind that if you share more than a taste of someone's order, you should chip in for payment.
If you invite someone to lunch, you pay. If you invite someone to "meet or get together" for lunch, you will share the cost.
Talking about payment of money can be a difficult thing, but don't let it give you an upset stomach.
