We have been talking about bullying around my house lately; in part because it seems to be in the news so much lately, because we have three kids who hit all grade levels - elementary, middle and high school - and in part because of some of the things our kids are seeing and hearing, both in school and out.

Tonight, on our way home from her volleyball game, I asked my daughter if she thought bullying went on at her (middle) school. Without hesitation, she said yes. Then she qualified her answer by saying "At least, I think so. I don't really see it but sometimes I hear about things." She then went on to tell me how a girl she knows was crying at lunch. Apparently this young woman was sitting with one of her "friends" who spent the entire time telling her what was wrong with her and why she wasn't a very nice/good person. (To clarify, my Olivia heard about this later but did not witness it.)

Is this bullying? Olivia and I talked about how cartoons and kids' show depict a bully as being an oversized, mean looking character with ham-sized hands who walks around saying "I'm gonna get you!", when in reality, a bully looks like an ordinary person. It is the words they use, sometimes followed by their actions, that make them a bully. As I explained to my daughter, I believe that anyone who reduces another person to tears or helps to create an unpleasant environment through their talk and/or behavior towards others, especially on an on-going basis, is a bully.

It's not just kids who do this ... it is people of all ages. I would guess that just about everyone has been exposed to this type of behavior in one way or another. Please note I am not referring to someone making an unkind remark or two, but a deeper, more personal level of over-bearing intimidation. It may relate back to an incident in childhood, familial issues, something that happened at a job years ago, or an encounter you had last week. The problem is, we don't usually put the name to it and call it what it is ... bullying. And it's not okay, at any age. The results may range from minor, as in thinking "What a jerk!" to tragic, as in the epidemic of suicides that have taken place among young people over the past year.  

How do you counter-act such behavior? Treat people with respect and allow them their dignity ... and expect the same for yourself. Understand that the only behavior you can control is your own, but you can influence others. What kind of an example are you setting?