: I don't want to get to the end of my life and find that I have just lived the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well - Diane Ackerman
She stood at the window all afternoon, watching us play, wishing she was there, yet afraid to make the dash.
It's a story we love to recount. My aunty E was visiting, taking care of us while mum was away. She had her own rules. Like we had to take a nap after lunch and not 'just run out' to play.
Two of us were not going to be roped into what we thought was silly idea - and who was she to tell us what to do? Napping was for babies - so we sneaked out while she was not watching. The third one of us didn't muster the courage to rebel, and so stayed indoors, watching us play.
Are you stuck behind a window, watching the action you wish you were part of? Are you spending your time wishing you were on the other side, and so getting nothing done on the side where you are?
There's a song that goes "if you can't be with the one you love, love the one you are with". If you are not where you would like to be, make use of whatever you can learn or gain from wherever you are, gain traction for the next move, the one that will take you closer to wherever you would like to be.
Spending time wishing and not doing anything to get your wish doesn't move you from wherever you are. Think of the difference between a 'wishbone' and the backbone. Shouldn't you rather be working on making that move?
A friend told me how she spends time talking to students from disadvantaged families. When they say they cannot focus on their studies because they are thinking about all the problems at home, she says "those thoughts will not take you away from the problems. Studying and getting good grades is a better bet to take you to a better place".
Granted, it is by no means easy to pack away problems, but the question is, where does dwelling on difficulties, problems, barriers, take you?
Doing a 'where I am' and where I would like to be' check is a good way to help you begin allocating your resources to the effort that takes you to the place you want to be. You can stride forward into the future, or you can 'move ahead', facing backwards, not seeing the barriers or opportunities in your way, and lying to yourself that its okay, as long as you are moving!
To reflect on 'where you are, where you want to be' join our journaling community for a free self-guided course here.
