When you point a finger at someone, the saying goes, four fingers point at yourself. In other parlance, it is about trying to remove the speck of dust in your brother's eyes while ignoring the log in your own.
In essence, it is about accusing someone of being responsible for something bad that has happened, to the extent that you don't stop to consider your own role in the incident. Yet, as long as a situation involves you, you contribute to it in one way or another.
The more you point to external reasons for your mistakes, the more you won't learn from those mistakes, meaning your ability to grow and become more effective is hindered. And now research has shown that blaming others is contagious, so if you are passing the buck, and everyone around you is doing the same, then you are cast in an environment where no learning is happening, and so a vicious cycle of blame and counter blame is created.
In the book Pride and Prejudice, Darcy is confronted by life's difficulties, many of which he precipitated in the first place. Fortunately, he responds positively by taking personal responsibility for his behaviour. He does this by acknowledging his character flaws and misdeeds. As a result, his shift in attitude sets in motions a series of events that end up resolving a critical problem, while winning over the love of his life. In that process, he grows as an individual, which is in fact what ultimately attracts Eliza Bennet to marriage.
Throughout our lives, we are confronted by external pressures. It is how we react to them that determines our level of accomplishment in life. Those who take responsibility when problems arise - perceiving their own limitation or weakness relative to the problem - accomplish greatly. Those who blame others or simply ignore difficulties to begin with, stagnate and achieve less.
Another important reason to look at your won contribution to negative situations is this: when you realise your complicity in a negative outcome and become accountable for it, life tends to quickly move in your favour.
How can you move to this realisation? It begins with asking yourself: "how have I contributed to this situation?"
Your spouse leaves 'everything' to you? How have you contributed?
Your children are rude, demotivated, and lazy? How have you contributed?
You are lowly paid and constantly broke? How are you contributing?
You have gained weight and 'cannot' lose it? How are you contributing?
Your friends and family expect you to be 'always' available? How have you contributed?
You are stuck in a dead end job with a boss who does not value you? How have you contributed?
Unlikely as it may seem, there is always a way in which you contribute to being in any situation, and your awareness of this points you to what you can control. What you can control you can change.
This brings us to another reason why asking how you contribute matters: you realise that you are not responsible for others' feelings, reasoning or behaviour; therefore you cannot control how others will behave or react.
Taking on responsibility for what you are not responsible for is just as limiting as not taking responsibility where you should. And distinguishing between what you are responsible for, and what you are not, starts with asking yourself 'how have I contributed to this situation?'