Cupid's arrows signify the desires and emotions of love, and Cupid aims those arrows at humans, causing them to fall deeply in love. At least, that is what the myth says.

 

What do you say? What is love and how do you experience and practice it?

 

In this week's issue I look at one definition of love and invite you to audit your loving.

 

Regards,

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Jaki Wasike-Sihanya, Idea to Action Coach

 

 

  

'Love is patient, love is kind. It has no envy, nor is it ever proud. Love protects; preserves and hopes.'

 

'Love bonds and connects; it is a link of trust, intimacy and interdependence.'

 

'Love is an experience and not just feelings. '

 

'Love is unconditional.'

 

My favourite definition is this: 'love is the will to extend yourself for the purpose of nurturing your own growth, or that of another.' I like it because it applies to romantic situations, to platonic friendships, to the love between parents and their children, between siblings. It applies across relationships.

 

Looking at it this way, it is not a feeling. Nor is it passive. It requires effort and will, and, applied in this way, love nurtures both giver and given. It is not blindly self sacrificing. it is not blatantly demanding of the other. It is accepting that the other is separate from yourself, and wanting to celebrate their uniqueness. In loving, you grow.

 

How is love manifested?

 

According to M Scott Peck, attention, exemplified by truly listening  to the other, is the best way to show love. Without listening how can you know another and understand her needs, his fears, and her hopes? And without understanding this how can you help him grow? Indeed, how can you know your own needs, and express them to another, if you don't listen to yourself?

 

This week, take out your listening barometer and measure your love, using this scale where ' 5' is the highest:

1. You don't allow the other to talk, and reprimand her for daring to. Or you do everything for the other person, whether he asks or not. You give a lot of material stuff, but not much time. You 'can't stand to see her suffer', even if it's growing pains. Your philosophy is 'children (or women) are meant to be seen and not to be heard'. You believe that when you love someone, you do everything to protect them from.....life?
2. You allow the other to talk, but you do not listen. You remind the other person how busy you are; saying how you are running to your next meeting. You interrupt them and hurry them along. You promise to call back, and don't.
3. You allow the other to talk, and pretend you are listening, making regular noises while in fact engaged in other things. You don't look at her as she talks.. You promptly forget what was said and proceed to make decisions like you are the only party concerned.
4. You allow the other to talk and listen selectively, hearing only what suits you. You already know what he will say anyway. You interpret what she says only according to your own world view. You do not acknowledge that he can feel differently from you on the same issue. You do not accept a different point of view, and must have the parting shot in every conversation.
5. You schedule listening time and stop what you are doing to fully listen to the other person. You hear what he says, rather than what you want to hear, or what you think she is saying. You revise your own world view to accommodate a different one. You are willing to change the way you do things based on your knowledge of the other person.

Your score is a very good indicator of your love for the other person.

 

The first step in any effort to improve employee performance is coaching. Coaching often provides positive feedback about employee contributions. At the same time, regular coaching brings performance issues to an employee's attention when they are minor, and assists the employee to correct them.

The goal of performance coaching is not to make the employee feel badly. The goal of coaching is to work with the employee to solve performance problems and improve the work of the employee, the team, and the department.

 

 

Resources

 

Use employee coaching to improve performance

 

7 steps to coaching you remployees to success