Idea to Action Newsletter

Idea to Action

- a newsletter for people who want to design the lives and small business they really want

Issue 39

04 August 2011

Greetings!

One of the things about being in the spotlight as a manager is the kind of negative talk you can attract, just for being in that position!

Find out how to neutralise it and move to positive action.

Also see how to deal with borrowers who don't take responsibility when things go wrong.

Look out for my e-book on 'From Ideal to Action:The Power of Thought' I will give you further details in forthcoming issues. Cost KShs 800/= or USD 10 only.

Regards,

Jaki

Jaki,

Lifecoach. Business coach. Speaker.

To book a speaking engagement click here.

IN THIS ISSUE

LENDING RULE

FROM NEGATIVE TALK TO POSITIVE ACTION

CALENDAR OF EVENTS

COACHING Q&A

7 STEPS FOR SUCCESSFUL LIFE TRANSITIONS

(click on the arrow in the image below to see the video)

Seven Steps for Successful Life Transitions

LENDING RULE

IDEA TO ACTION QUOTE: The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live - Flora Whittemore

Many years back, when I was a university student, I used to conduct one-on-one tuition for school children. I knew several people in the business, and we often made referrals for each other. Once an acquaintance was approached to give tuition in a subject he hadn't specialised in, and he contacted me since I had. What he didn't tell me (and I was naive not to ask) was that he had collected payment for that month. I tried to reach him severally but somehow we never got together. But that isn't why I am writing this.

What was remarkable about the situation is that when he needed to find me having promised his client (he was giving tuition in other subjects) that he would, he did everything possible to find me. In fact he turned up at my house one morning before 6.30am, to catch me before I left for the day. (It was before mobile phones came easy). Yet when it came to sharing the spoils, it was another story.

This situation repeats itself in many other interactions. A friend borrows your car, but when it is involved in an accident you are chasing after documentation alone. A relative borrows your book, then lends it to a friend and complains when you insist they get it back or buy another. A colleague borrows money because they don't have change, and you don't see it again.

Of course, you can ask for your belongings back, or demand that the borrower meet the cost of any damage to your car...but you don't have the heart for it, and you are afraid of the fall out. Yet, this thing can stand between you for ages, and may lead to that fall out anyway.

How to avoid it? Be clear about the 'terms of reference' before you lend out your car or book. Let the other person know what you expect from them in relation to your property. If it is the money for change, ask them to give it back before you go home that day, and remember to ask before you leave.

While this will not stop any event as described above, it sets the stage for a subsequent conversation should there be need for one. And if you are particularly finicky about something, don't lend it out. It pays to know who is on the other side before you open the door!

FROM NEGATIVE TALK TO POSITIVE ACTION

Idea to Action quote: Do not weep. Do not be indignant. Understand. - Barch Spinoza

stop negative talk

As a manager you are likely to be the target of negative talk as you are seen to control many aspects of your employees' working lives. This is a natural phenomenon and should not have you unduly flustered. Rather, you can build your skills on handling negative talk so that you transform it into positive action.

The first step is to recognise it as a symptom of underlying frustration. If you take the negative talk at face value you will get caught up in a negative cycle of negative talk and even find yourself on the defensive.

How do you avoid this?

Supposing employees complain that you never listen, you could ask them to recommend ways to improve communication between you and them. This shows that you accept there is a problem, and that there are solutions out there that even you may not think of. It puts you clearly in charge as opposed to acting the victim, it presents an effort to understand as opposed to blaming them and invites cooperation rather than conflict.

This approach counters their negative talk by

a) Encouraging them not to accept the status quo and to find ways to communicate with you.

b) Getting them out of the victim role and in charge of resolving the problem.

c) Cutting the blame game in the bud, and shifting focus to understanding why the problem arose.

d) Expanding their narrow perspective and allowing possibilities by way of options.

e) Sidestepping their conflict oriented approach and inviting them to cooperate in solving the problem.

Naturally, you must be seen to act on their suggestions if the approach is to work effectively in future.

CALENDAR OF EVENTS

Auditorium

July - August: ongoing coaching groups.

For details

Register here

19 Aug: Jaki and Ben Sihanya Award for Excellence

Closed Event

September: 'Assert Yourself' Coaching Group

COACHING Q&A

Q&A

Q: In what aspects of one's life would a life coach be most useful?

A: As with many other professions, Life Coaches can choose to special in certain 'life' areas. For example, wellness coaches work with people to improve their physical and physiological well being. Spiritual coaches work with people to improve their spiritual well being. Some spiritual coaches base their philosophy on religious teachings, like the Bible. Relationship coaches specialise in helping people create fulfilling personal interdependencies. There are also financial coaches, business coaches and many others. You may look for a coach who specialises in a specific area of life, or you could search for a generalist life coach who will work with you in whatever areas that come up in the course of your coaching conversation. However, all trained coaches will be able to help you move forward. The following example illustrates this.

O came to coaching because he felt he needed to 'do more with his life'. I asked him what mattered to him and he said family, and success in business. We embarked on an exercise to see how this ranking showed up in his life. Using the wheel of life and personal values exercises we found that he was paying a lot of attention to business success, in terms of the resources (time, energy) he was spending on the business (and seeing the fruits of that) and much less to family(and seeing the effects of that). On further discussion we found that he knew his family was not happy and he wasn't sure what to do about it. In exploring that angle we reviewed his relationship with his wife and children, communication among them, and even the role of spirituality in their lives. We spent some time looking at his business practices too. In the end O had a plan to make changes to his life that included improvements to the business as well as specific actions to move his family situation to a more satisfying level.

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