TALK BETTER WITH SILENCE

You sit next to a stranger on a bus. You start talking and she tells you a deeply personal story. She does not ask you to make any comments, and you sense that you shouldn't. Then you arrive wherever you were going and each one of you goes their way.

You have given her the gift of listening without judgment. You have used silence to carry a conversation. Maybe you have helped her heal.

Silence is part of conversation. It gives you and the other person a chance to think. When you are speaking, stopping every now and then allows the other person time to absorb what you are saying and to ask questions for clarification.

When you pause at the end of the other person's sentence before you jump in with your opinion, you show them that you are listening, and not rushing them, or just waiting to give your own views. Give it 5 to 10 seconds (you can count in your head) to be sure that the other person is not merely catching their breath.

Humans have a basic need to feel understood. In order to feel understood, we need to feel heard. If this doesn't happen, it doesn't matter who's right, who's smarter or who has a better solution. When one party doesn't feel heard the conversation breaks down and both parties leave frustrated.

When we do not give the other party our full attention, we miss many subtle cues that can tell us what's going on beneath the surface. Ultimately we lose the chance to have a 'fierce' conversation. And one way to listen better is to make room for silence.

According to Susan Scott, "fierce conversations make room for silence. The more emotionally loaded the issue, the more important silence becomes."  Silence enables us each to reflect on our thoughts and achieve new levels of insight and integration. Silence can often be the turning point in a conversation. It also creates space for the other person to offer their opinion.

The following are indications that silence might move the conversation forward:
- You find yourself interrupting by talking over someone else.
- Thinking of what you're going to say while someone else is talking.
- You respond without thinking first.
- You find yourself "demonstrating your expertise" because you feel insecure.
- Offering advice before the other person has had a chance to fully explain the situation.
- You're doing most of the talking.
- You create a distraction by changing topics.
- Saying the same thing over and over again.

When used incorrectly, silence can be dangerous too. It can be passive aggressive or result in disengaging from the conversation. It can be used to avoid topics that are uncomfortable or ones we'd rather not look at. If you question whether or not silence is productive, take a look at your feelings and motives. If you find yourself pulling away or observe your companion pulling away, say so and get the conversation back on track.

Although there are at least two people in a conversation, it only takes one person who chooses to actively listen and make room for silence to have a truly meaningful conversation. YOU can choose be that person.

Resources: Susan Scott and  Tim Link

SUCCESS ATTITUDE

IDEA TO ACTION QUOTE: Seldom does an individual exceed his own expectations - unknown.

According to a some studies, success is 88 percent attitude and 12 percent education. Maintaining a positive attitude is an important factor in your ability to succeed in life and stay sane through tough times.

Positive people are motivated and productive. They set the tone for those around them. And they portray a positive image of their company when interacting with their customers and their potential customers. All of these are critical to every organization's success. Here are a few tips for maintaining a positive outlook at work:

Office Politics: Don't give in to it. Be above it.

Teamwork: You don't have to like everyone on your team but you do have to work with them. Do it willingly. Make every effort to work in harmony for the betterment of your company. That's your job.

Difficult People: There are no difficult people. Only people who look at things differently Look for something that is good about them, and focus on that. We don't live in a perfect world.

Difficult Customers: Same as above. Such customers come with the territory.

It's Not My Job: Ditch that attitude if you have it.

Sales Team: Give them your full support. Ask how you can help. Without their sales, no one gets a pay check.

Underperformers: Talk to them,  talk to  your boss, and focus on doing your best.

Change: Be like a chameleon. And remember, managers must make tough decisions each day. Sometimes they stay away at night and worry about whether they are meeting the expectations of their superiors and shareholders. They have it tough too.

Anything that Really annoys You: If something troubles you about the workplace, an individual, a process, or even your boss, you have two choices. (1) Put up and shut up. Or, (2) Talk to your boss. Then, practice what the Harvard Business School MBA program teaches its students:

1.       Tell them how the situation is affecting you.

2.       Tell them how it is affecting your team.

3.       Tell them how it is affecting your customers.

If you are a Boss: Listen to your people. Be fair and treat them as well as you treat your best customers. Be absolutely the best boss you can possibly be. Your people are working hard to make you look good. Create the best type of work environment you possibly can. Each and every day, ask yourself this question: Would YOU work for YOU?

Taken from  Christine Corelli & Associates.

June 19:  Talk to Utu Bora Self Help Group

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June 30: CV as a Marketing Tool 

July 4: How to Make your Converstions work better

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