Naila sat thoughtfully at the back of the room.  She was listening to the guest speaker make a presentation to her chama about scholarships for women entrepreneurs.  She had considered furthering her education, especially if it would help develop her baking business, but somehow never got round to doing something about it. It was never the right moment.  Naila loved baking as a young girl, and when she got married and started her own family, she picked up the hobby in earnest.  She and her husband agreed that she would be a stay at home mum, and the baking was a 'small' activity to supplement their income.  In 3 years she had grown from a few odd birthday cakes to regular orders for all sorts of occasions. In fact, she now had a baker come in part time to assist her. She had been flirting with the idea expanding to a location away from the house, but wasn't sure her husband would support that.  After all, he is the one who first suggested she stay home to look after the family.

Little did Naila know that just that week her husband was saying he worried that she was not realising her potential staying home with the children, but he didn't want to bring it up in case she thought he was having difficulty providing for the family!

How many times have you held yourself back because you made assumptions about the other person's point of view?  Or said to yourself 'I shouldn't think that way!'?

Naila's behaviour demonstrates a form of self-sabotage, which is a combination of thoughts, feelings, and actions that create a roadblock to success by working against one's own self-interests.  It happens when we consciously want something but subconsciously make sure we don't get it. 

Here are some more tell tale signs:

Fawning before people to win their favour.
Expressing contrived concern for someone's well being.
Making small talk to smooth out the edges.
Hanging onto someone's every word.
Looking for someone's approval.
Asking if someone is angry with you.
Fishing for a kind word.
Trying to impress someone.
Gossiping.
Explaining yourself to others.

Self-sabotage can be traced to the follwoing:

Fear of success.  Deep inside, there can be numerous reasons you do not want to succeed.  These are referred to as limiting beliefs. 

Unworthiness.  The belief or feeling that you do not deserve success.

Lack of belief in personal abilities.  Do you not believe that you have what it takes to succeed?  Do you think your goals are too far-fetched or unrealistic?  Rather than lower your goals, increase your self-confidence and convince yourself that you will do what it takes and you will succeed.

Working against true desires.    Choosing a career based on what a parent wants, or working for pay checks rather than the love of the work are examples of this. 

The key to eliminating self-sabotage is making sure that your conscious and subconscious mind are in harmony.  You may get away with lying to others but you can never get away with lying to yourself.