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Idea to Action

 - a newsletter for people who want to design their lives and small business

Issue 24

14 April  2011

Greetings!

Hi,

 

Did you share your priceless simple relaxation activities?  Here are the most popular examples I received:  watching the sun rise; watching children play; sitting in silence; listening to bird song; cooking; travelling; taking photos; staying longer in bed in the morning; walking..

  
In today's issue I share thoughts on how to handle extended family requests for money, and make some suggestions about how to involve your loved ones in business travel.
  
  Sincerely,
  
Jaki
  
Jaki
LifeSkills Coaching Consultants
  
To book a speaking engagement click here 
IN THIS ISSUE
TAKE RESPONSIBILITY
DELEGATE EFFECTIVELY
CALENDAR OF EVENTS
ARE YOU PERPETUATING DEPENDENCY?

 Parents with children

IDEA TO ACTION QUOTE: Give a man a fish; you have fed him for today.  Teach a man to fish; and you have fed him for a lifetime - Author unknown 

It is common practice in our culture to support extended family financially.  It is not uncommon to feel caught up in a vicious cycle of dependency and counter dependency, and to be stressed as a result. How can you sustainably manage real needs of relatives?

Here are a few things you could do

1.        Begin with an honest conversation with yourself, and then with your relatives, about what you can and cannot do.  Giving the impression that you have endless supplies of money is a common mistake.  How do you do this? By carrying wads of notes and handing them out without question whenever you travel 'shags'. By 'mpesa- ing' on demand, even if you have to borrow the money to do so. A realistic approach is to set boundaries around what causes you will support and do it consistently.

2.        Insist on some contribution from the other party.  Many relatives do micro-businesses that bring in some money, however little. They can save up some. Even saving 1/= a day means having 30/= at the end of the month.  This can pay their boda boda charges to go collect a form from a government office, for example, while you help them with application fees. Money is not the only valuable contribution and relatives with little money should not assume a victim mentality.  They can also contribute by looking for information, or volunteering their time in order to learn a skill.  

3.        Demand accountability. Especially for young relatives, teaching them the value of money begins with demanding accountability.  Rather than send fixed amounts unquestionably every month, ask them to account for previous sums of money before they can get some more.  Be ready to stop sending money to teach a lesson if need be.  In real life you get a fixed salary that you must budget for.  This calls for tradeoffs and sacrifices.  Why give them a different impression?

4.        Agree a finite support period with adults who should take full responsibility for their lives anyway. Give them start up capital to start a micro business, after which they are on their own. Some coaching on how to run a business might increase chances of the person succeeding. You could also agree to support someone with a fixed sum of money for a fixed period of time.  When the period comes to a close you can support someone else or use the money in other ways.

5.        Consider other ways to support them.  For e.g. does it make more sense to buy them health insurance? Could you have them work for you? Can you partner in business? Could you introduce them to microfinance institutions and programs? Lack of information in the village limits their options.

6.        Stop feeling guilty about wanting to spend your hard earned money the way YOU want. The term "selfish" is used by others to manipulate and control you. Anytime you're not choosing to do what is best for someone else, that person will accuse you of being selfish.   Stop asking yourself, "What will people think?"  It can lead to resentment, create guilt, and put responsibility where it doesn't belong.

Overall, it is a good idea to educate relatives on the value of 'learning how to fish' as opposed to 'being given fish'. Supporting them to learn how to fish is more sustainable. After all, you will not be available always, nor can you guarantee financial capability to support them always.

BUSY TRAVELLING?

IDEA TO ACTION QUOTECertainly, travel is more than the seeing of sights; it is a change that goes on, deep and permanent, in the ideas of living- Miriam Beard

 

  

travel

 

Business travel can be  stressful. It affects both and your loved ones. Here are some tips to make it less stressful and more participatory even when they do not accompany you.

 

1.        Let your loved ones know about your travel plans as soon as you know.  This allows them to get used to the idea that you will be away, and to be  a part of the planning process.  Better still; share your annual travel plan in advance if you can.  There is a chance you could weave in some holiday time with them if plans are shared in advance as they could organise holidays around similar times.

2.        See your trip as me time, and use it to engage in relaxing activities that you normally have no time for. Take your swimming costume, your jogging shoes, a great novel, a DVD movie.  As you are not at home you will find extra time for these things.  And if you get in some relaxation while you are away you will be in a better position to give loved ones the extra attention they always need after a period of separation.  This is especially true for those with young children. At a certain age, children are extra clingy when you come back from a trip away from them, and this can be trying. Adults may also seek more reassurance about your relationship than ususal. A relaxed attitude helps you cope better.

3.        Share titbits about the places you travel to. Before the visit, locate the place on a map if necessary and look up interesting facts and figures about it.  While you are there, go on a tour, take some pictures, meet locals and see if you can witness some of the information you shared with your loved ones, and then give them a report when you call home, or on your return. This helps to make them feel a part of your trip even if they were not there.

4.        Send postcards to your loved ones while you are away, even if they will receive them when you are already back.  It shows that you were thinking of them, and alleviates a  fear in loved ones that they are out of mind when you are not with them. Later you can have fun looking through the old postcards. Souvenirs from the trips can play a similar role.

5.        If loved ones want to pick you up from the airport when you return, allow them to, even if you can get official transport. It is their way to show that they have missed you, and yours to say 'I still need you'. 

 

If you would like me to speak to your chama book here.

CALENDAR OF EVENTS

 

 

 

 Dec workshop

05 May 2011 

Talk: Market Yourself Effectively using your CV

Pride Inn Hotel, Westlands

Click here to find out more

 

 

07 May 2011

Needs and Values Workshop

Register here to find out more

 

 

June - Aug: Coaching Group: Communicate your way to Happiness

Register here to find out more