It is common practice in our culture to support extended family financially. It is not uncommon to feel caught up in a vicious cycle of dependency and counter dependency, and to be stressed as a result. How can you sustainably manage real needs of relatives?
Here are a few things you could do
1. Begin with an honest conversation with yourself, and then with your relatives, about what you can and cannot do. Giving the impression that you have endless supplies of money is a common mistake. How do you do this? By carrying wads of notes and handing them out without question whenever you travel 'shags'. By 'mpesa- ing' on demand, even if you have to borrow the money to do so. A realistic approach is to set boundaries around what causes you will support and do it consistently.
2. Insist on some contribution from the other party. Many relatives do micro-businesses that bring in some money, however little. They can save up some. Even saving 1/= a day means having 30/= at the end of the month. This can pay their boda boda charges to go collect a form from a government office, for example, while you help them with application fees. Money is not the only valuable contribution and relatives with little money should not assume a victim mentality. They can also contribute by looking for information, or volunteering their time in order to learn a skill.
3. Demand accountability. Especially for young relatives, teaching them the value of money begins with demanding accountability. Rather than send fixed amounts unquestionably every month, ask them to account for previous sums of money before they can get some more. Be ready to stop sending money to teach a lesson if need be. In real life you get a fixed salary that you must budget for. This calls for tradeoffs and sacrifices. Why give them a different impression?
4. Agree a finite support period with adults who should take full responsibility for their lives anyway. Give them start up capital to start a micro business, after which they are on their own. Some coaching on how to run a business might increase chances of the person succeeding. You could also agree to support someone with a fixed sum of money for a fixed period of time. When the period comes to a close you can support someone else or use the money in other ways.
5. Consider other ways to support them. For e.g. does it make more sense to buy them health insurance? Could you have them work for you? Can you partner in business? Could you introduce them to microfinance institutions and programs? Lack of information in the village limits their options.
6. Stop feeling guilty about wanting to spend your hard earned money the way YOU want. The term "selfish" is used by others to manipulate and control you. Anytime you're not choosing to do what is best for someone else, that person will accuse you of being selfish. Stop asking yourself, "What will people think?" It can lead to resentment, create guilt, and put responsibility where it doesn't belong.
Overall, it is a good idea to educate relatives on the value of 'learning how to fish' as opposed to 'being given fish'. Supporting them to learn how to fish is more sustainable. After all, you will not be available always, nor can you guarantee financial capability to support them always.