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IDEA TO ACTION QUOTE: We attach our feelings to the moment when we were hurt, endowing it with immortality. And we let it assault us every time it comes to mind. It travels with us, sleeps with us, hovers over us while we make love, and broods over us while we die. Our hate does not even have the decency to die when those we hate die--for it is a parasite sucking OUR blood, not theirs. There is only one remedy for it: forgiveness - Lewis Smedes
 Forgiving is one of the most profound ways to let go.
When you are hurt deeply, it can stay with you for a lifetime, holding you back from fulfilling your purpose.
A number of beliefs can make it difficult for you to forgive and move on. Such limiting beliefs include:
1. To forgive someone is to condone the behaviour that caused you pain.
It is important to understand that this is not the case. Sometimes it is even necessary to protect yourself from repeated hurtful actions. Still, you can separate the person from the act and forgive the person. If you could place yourself in the person's shoes and try to understand what might have led them to behave in the way that hurt you, then you will find that you develop empathy as part of the forgiving process.
2. An eye for an eye.
Focusing on revenge drains you of positive energy and can drown you in bitterness and vengeance. This is hardly the recipe for healthy relationships, or personal well being.
3. You must speak directly with the person you need to forgive.
It is not always possible to see the person who hurt you, or even to talk to them about your feelings. If they have died you will never be able to do it. You can still express your feelings by way of a letter that you write then destroy, or, if the person is still alive, you could send it to them. The act of expressing your feelings may be enough to help you let go.
4. Forgiving the other person will get them to change.
First, this is not the point of forgiveness. It can change your life by taking away the power the other person wields over you. It may influence the other person to change when they reflect on your compassion. It cannot make them change.
5. When you don't forgive the other person feels bad.
In fact, it is you who relives the hurtful moment over and over, feeling the pain again and again. Forgiving is not about the other person, it is about you.
What if you just can't forgive someone?
Getting to forgive someone can be a challenging task. If this is your struggle, try journaling about the hurtful behaviour, speaking to a trusted objective person, meditating about it, or praying about it. It may help to reflect on times when you have hurt others, or when you have received forgiveness.
What if you are the one that needs forgiving?
You could seek out the person you hurt and express your sincere regret without making excuses. Or you could write the person a letter. This, however, does not guarantee you forgiveness, as the prerogative to forgive, or not to forgive, lies with the person you hurt. | 
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