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Elaine Dumler - [email protected] - 866.780.0460

Issue 26 - Mar 2011

In This Issue
Clutter and the Military Mind
Accept my Apologies!
Deployment homecoming photos
Time to Remember
Websites to Bookmark
How to be Heard and Understood
 
I'm Already Home... Again
I'm Already Home... Again
 
The Road Home
The Road Home
 
Pocket Flip Tips
Pocket Flip Tips
 
Quick Links...
Elaine Dumler
6460 W. 98th Court
Westminster, CO 80021
866-780-0460 - phone
303-430-7679 - fax
 
Note from Elaine
Dear Newsletter Buddies,
Item_1Household clutter and the military mind

 

On February 28th I wrote a blog post about an experiment I was trying relating the cleaning out of my household closets as a way to help unclutter my overwhelmed mind. To fill you in on the background, you can read it at www.ImAlreadyHome.com/blog. I realize how time consuming it is to find something in a closet or other space that is unkempt and cluttered with too much "stuff." My mind was working the same way. Don't you find that sometimes you feel like you have so much to do, or so many things pressing on your mind, that it literally stops you from getting anything done? That's when it just seems easier to shut down and do nothing...which isn't productive either. Well, I can't believe what a difference it has made these past few days since I tackled the kitchen pantry, the upstairs hall closet, the linen closet and that nasty junk drawer in the kitchen! There's something healing about throwing out what is not longer useful, and arranging/prioritizing what's left so I can see what's in front of me. It's helped me with what's on my mind too. I've listed everything that's cluttering my brain on a sheet of paper and am now "cleaning it up." I'm throwing out what I have no control over, and delegating or prioritizing the rest. I'm amazed at how much mental time I spend on those things that just create worry instead of being productive. Try uncluttering your own mind...and closets! Then let me know how you feel.

Item_1Please accept my apologies!

I have a huge apology to make! A nice man, Andrew, placed a $23.90 order on our website shopping cart last week and he wrote to advise me that it charged him $15 in shipping! That was outrageous and I agree. I did not realize that six months ago, when we made some revisions to the shopping cart layout, it somehow replaced our standard shipping rates with a chart that was ridiculous...and I didn't know it. I did wonder why the website orders had come to a halt...and now I know why. I wouldn't place an order for a $12.95 book that charged me $9.95 for shipping either. I have reset the shipping rates to something way more reasonable, and the orders seem to be resuming. If you tried to place an order these past months over the website and were met with those high shipping charges, go place your order again, and in the comments box, just tell me you were one of those caught up in the mess, and I'll ship your entire order for FREE as an apology. You'll receive an initial invoice off the shopping cart that includes shipping, but when we process the order, your charge card will not be charged for shipping. Please accept this as a small way to make up for your inconvenience, and for your understanding that things like this sometimes happen.

Item_2The importance of a Deployment Homecoming Photographer

In idea #13 in my book The Road Home, I talk about how valuable it is to bring a personal photographer to the homecoming ceremony so everyone can be in the pictures, and allow you to focus on your families' joy. I've been talking with a military spouse photographer in California who specializes in this and she reinforced just how important this can be. Her name is Kristi Moreno here's what she says; "I try to capture it all - from the time you arrive, to the second you are in each others arms. Each smile, each tear, and each little detail in between. I have been through homecomings myself, so I know how emotional and special these moments are. I enjoy doing volunteer work on MCAS Miramar photographing both homecomings and deployments. It's also important to be flexible because we all know how military schedules can change." I tell you this to encourage you to find a photographer like Kristi in your area to capture your special moment. To see more of Kristi's work, visit her at www.kristimariephotos.com.

Item_2Time to Remember: What I like about being in a military family

 "...that it is a way for my 4 children to develop a full understanding and pride for this country that we live in. They've been exposed to so many programs and it's wonderful to see their faces when they tell their friends about their experiences."

 

 "Being a spouse in a military family has changed my whole outlook on life. I have learned that there are more important things in this life and the respect and connection I share with my loved one has grown stronger with his deployment and perfected our relationship."

Websites_BookmarkWebsites to Bookmark

Tara Crooks and Star Henderson at Army Wife Network have recently highlighted a few websites that I really like so this seemed like the perfect place to share them with you.

 

http://www.thanksabunch.us/- This website was recommended by ArmyWife Network.  America's Heroes who register with Thanks-A-Bunch receive $50.00 dining gift cards for only $8.00* each.

 

http://homefrontunited.com/- The Homefront United Network was created for spouses and families, who are in need of additional support, especially those of the National Guard and Reserve who do not live on or near a military installation.

 

http://militaryavenue.com/-   You can finding military-friendly businesses in new communities and resources that help with the many changes that come with relocation.

 

http://www.herwarhervoice.com/-  Two women share their journey as military wives.

ConnectionHow to be Heard and Understood

With so many people using texting and emails as their main form of conversation, I think we all need a reminder that a good face-to-face conversation remains the best way to truly be "heard." Here are 4 tips to having a better conversation excerpted from Chapter 2 - Life after Reintegration - in my book The Road Home.


1. Practice silent listening. This means to listen to what the other person is saying, wait for them to completely finish their thought (do not finish their statements for them), then repeat back what you heard them say. This is called word check. You do this to verify the facts (not emotions) and be sure that you have a clear understanding of what they are saying. It's particularly helpful if your conversation is becoming more of an argument!


2. Be sure there are no distractions like the TV or computer while you're talking. Above all, this shows respect for the other person.


3. You can use "I feel..." statements to occasionally help get your feelings out. How often we just feel misunderstood or taken for granted. Being able to tell your loved one how you fell (frustrated, angry, sad) can start the conversation.


4. Always be honest and open with the other person. Good conversation comes from a point of trust. Be sincere.

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"Excerpted from Elaine Dumler's Newsletter and used with permission. For additional relevant content visit www.ImAlreadyHome.com"

From Elaine and Tammy