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Spring Cleaning
This time of year is so invigorating! Fresh leaves on the trees, flowers in bloom, birds chirping, even the sunshine looks happy. Seasons are a wonderful reminder of the cycles of life and the opportunity that change brings. For many, spring represents the chance to clean out the old and make way for the new. Mostly we think about this for our homes and closets, sometimes for our lives, but what about applying this to relationships?
A common complaint I hear from couples, and from people who are looking to be part of one, is that relationships get stale. This does not have to happen! Using metaphors from spring cleaning, here are some great ways to spruce up your love life.
Dust
First, do a little dusting. Look at your relationship and explore times when your connection was best. What were you doing and how were you being with each other that felt so good? What fun, exciting, love-filled things have you put on the shelf that are now collecting dust? Date night, for example? What are some of those good "couple" things that are just within reach that you could take down from the shelf, dust off and use to help get your hearts revving again? Such as....
Love notes
Walks in the park
Fun with friends you haven't seen in a while
Revive a dream that hasn't happened yet (new home, exotic vacation, big project, etc.)
Dispose
Next, toss out a few old items. What habits have you gotten into that aren't serving your couple? Just as you would if you were cleaning out a closet, look to see what no longer fits, is worn out, has gone out of style, or needs alteration to bring it back to life. What practices, habits, people, behaviors were fun before but need to be tossed now? What's happening that is not fun, not helpful, that needs to go?
Activities to trade in: Things that you've grown out of but haven't stopped doing yet, like partying till 3am (or those friends of yours who always do).
Behaviors to abolish: Do you nag? Ignore? Criticize? Break promises? Lash out? Get lazy? Time to exterminate these relationship-rotting rodents.
Communications to correct: Do certain conversations always end up in an argument? This "couple dance" can be eliminated.*
Practices to recycle: Autopilot is a couple phenomenon that happens when things get too comfy. It's a worn out way of being that either needs to be altered or tossed, because it is 'stale waiting to happen'.*
Ante-up
Perhaps in the process of tossing you see a great outfit in the back of the closet you'd like to wear but is a little too tight. What could you do to fit into it? There may be areas where it's time to up the ante. That great outfit could be an indication that you need to work out a bit. Does your relationship need some fitness, too?
This might be a good time to join a group, take a class or read a self-help book together. Things to consider: first, your couple, then fun. So, check out courses/books/groups that focus on communication, coupledom (imago, couples coaching couples), and personal development. Also, returning to hobbies you used to love (cooking, sports, dance, other interests) is a good way to have fun making a renewed connection with your Honey.
Add
Last but not least, try adding something new. Oftentimes after you've dusted off the shelves and tossed old items, you see that there's a need for something to replace what is no longer there or to fill in what's been missing all along. Many of the ideas listed above are applicable here. Find a new hobby, make new friends, learn new relationship skills that will take your love to new heights.
How you spring clean -- your answers to and actions on the above -- will depend on your couple. Every one is different. Keep in mind what you both want, the vision of what's possible, what you had hoped for when you first got together and what you want for your couple now. It's fun and refreshing to recreate yourselves. It keeps your love alive.
For my single readers
First, this newsletter message is for you to use when it's your turn to do so, and to help you have your turn. If you know you can keep your love alive, you will be more effective in attracting the wonderful relationship that is yet to come.
Second, look to see how you can apply this in your life right now.
Are there friends, job, activities, that no longer fit? Find some new ones.
How well do you communicate your ideas, feelings, wants and needs? Are you prepared for intimacy ("into-me-see")? How effectively do you handle conflict, upset, and other life problems? It is better to work on this now so when Mr/Ms Right comes along you're ready for him/her.
Are there routines you have let yourself cozy into that aren't supporting your meeting someone special? Too much alone time on the weekends, perhaps? Get out of your rut and mingle in new places with new people doing new things. Explore ways to laugh, have fun, and experience joy!! Love shows up when we least expect it, and we least expect it when we're loving our lives and having loads of fun.
Now is the perfect time to establish and practice good relationship habits. Doing so actually helps you to attract your perfect partner ... and sooner!
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*Couple Dance and Autopilot are concepts from Couples Coaching Couples, a community organization dedicated to helping couples have a spring-clean relationship all year long. (www.couplescoachingcouples.com)
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