Three things that can nurture, support `or transform any relationship - three things most of us need a lot of - are Attention, Affection, and Appreciation. The Three A's.
 
While this is especially true in romantic relationships, the A's can be helpful in any situation involving a fellow human being. In today's fast-paced, chaotic, and ever-changing world, more Attention, Affection and Appreciation can make a huge difference in the quality of everyone's life.

Attention
Just because you're looking at the person who is speaking to you doesn't mean you are hearing what they're really saying. Attention is the art of listening well, listening often, and responding.
 
There is a difference between hearing and listening. We listen with our ears, but we hear with our heart. Real attention, real hearing, involves putting yourself in the other person's world: What is it like to be that person? What are they saying? What are they NOT saying? Can you read between the lines? What do they need? What are they feeling? What's really going on for them? How can you contribute to them in this moment, not from your head, but from your heart? Practice discovering the answers to these questions when you're in conversation with someone. This will help you develop your ability to pay close attention. You'll know you're doing well when they feel heard and understood.
 
Sometimes people are good at paying attention, but they just don't do it often enough. For example, even if you're the best listener on the planet, it's not enough to sustain a fulfilling interpersonal relationship if you only do it once a year. Especially with your romantic partner, you want to make sure that you're giving the right kind AND the right amount of attention.
 
Other aspects of attention include events that take place over time, such as remembering and honoring things that are important to the other person, and taking action based on what you know. Even sharing aspects about yourself in ways that improve your intimacy and connection can be a part of this important A.
 
Affection
The term affection usually brings up an image of physical tenderness, like a hug, a kiss or a caress. This is largely true in the context of romantic relationships. Physical contact is essential to our personal well being, emotional well being and our relationship well being. And today many people are touch-deprived -- even those who are married! One simple cure is to give lots of hugs. Cuddle up when you can! I once heard another relationship expert recommend getting a minimum of 8 hugs a day. I call that getting your minimum dose of "Vitamin H". Our bodies need contact to thrive. So do our souls. Whenever you can, go for the hug.
 
The good news is that physical contact is not the only way to show affection. Unfortunately, we can't hug everyone we come into contact with, especially at work. Simple acts of kindness, using a caring tone of voice, offering support rather than criticism, and providing help when appropriate are other ways to express your caring for another. If you're really committed to getting an "A" in this A, try coming up with new and clever ways to show affection.
 
Appreciation
Last but not least is appreciation. We know that children thrive and grow when praised; adults are really no different. We all want to know that we're loved. Do you regularly tell the people in your life how much you appreciate them? Do you acknowledge what it is you love about them, what you think is great about them, what they do that positively impacts your life? Are you willing to be public with your gratitude and your praise? Appreciation is very important - one of the most important relationship activities there is. Do it often!
 
Believe it or not, there is some prep work to do if you're going to be good at this. You can't give away what you don't have. So, the secret to being good at the three A's is this to start with yourself first. Give yourself (and make sure you're getting) the Attention, Affection and Appreciation you need, and you will be more inclined and able to give it to others.
 
Once your three-A buckets are filled, then you can really take care of the people in your life. I encourage you to do this with everyone to the degree that's appropriate, from parents to lovers to friends to co-workers to the cashier at the check- out counter. Any interaction you have with another human being is an opportunity to practice the generosity of the Three A's.