Even though as human beings we hunger for closeness, we erect barriers to it. To help you remove those barriers and experience more intimacy, I want to share with you some of the clever ways we humans masterfully avoid the very thing we want. You can find more information about these in the books mentioned above.
 
Walls
Boundaries are necessary in all relationships. They help us know where we end and another begins. Healthy boundaries make it safe to be intimate. Walls, however, are boundaries gone bad. Intimacy can be a scary adventure, and if we haven't been taught how to have strong, respectful boundaries, we'll put up walls instead.
 
Some examples:
 
--Strong emotions, such as anger and fear
People who are quick to anger put up a very unpleasant force shield that most of us will do anything to avoid. Those who come from a place of fear are either in a constant attempt to hide out or they cause others around them to treat them with "kid gloves", thereby avoiding any real or lasting contact.
 
--Silence
This kind of wall comes usually in the form of someone who doesn't say much, or someone who does not disclose. If you keep your conversations on a surface level, such as weather, sports and business, no one can get to know the real you. Sometimes silence is a mark of passive-aggression, sometimes it's a way of life. Beware the withholder.
 
--Words
The opposite of silence is constant chatter, and someone who uses this kind of wall has a difficult time listening. They tend to dominate conversations without letting others chime in. Have you ever known anyone who wouldn't let you get a word in edgewise? How close did you feel to that person?
 
--Artificial maturity, arrogance
Some people walk around like a bastion of strength, remaining calm at all times, never showing emotion. It's almost impossible to get through to folks like that, no matter how hard you try.
 
--Pleasantness
Some of us have been taught to be genteel and nice at all times. In many cases, this means we don't tell the truth when it isn't pretty. This kind of nicey-nicey lacks authenticity. A wall of pleasantness is a very effective way to avoid conflict and make things look good, but not an effective way to nurture love.
 
--Addiction
Probably the biggest wall there is, addiction keeps people from being present, awake and aware to themselves and others. As you may already know, it's a formidable "Great Wall of China" in which the only relationship is between the user and their drug of choice.
 
Distractions
Distractions are mini-walls, little everyday things we do that sometimes get in the way. In general, there is nothing wrong with these activities, however, they are things that can be used to create distance and hold intimacy at bay.
 
--Busyness
In today's society, we're admired for how much we can get done, and there's a lot to do. Some people use their schedule to create a distraction from and distance in their relationships.
 
--TV, radio
These things are so commonplace today that we don't even notice them anymore. And what we really don't notice is how distracting they are, how much they keep us from getting close to each other. Television, radio, and other background noise (loud music at restaurants, for example) are auditory and energetic drains on our psyches, bodies and emotional connections. Yes, go have your fun, watch your show, blast your favorite songs. And yes, balance that with quiet "together time".
 
--Hobbies, sports
Ever heard the term "golf widow"? That's what I'm talking about. It's not the fact that you have a sport or hobby, it's whether or not you use it to avoid intimate contact.