Relationships can be the most wonderful things in our lives and they can also be the most challenging, especially at this time of year when life is filled with activities around religious holidays and faith-based celebrations.

Time spent with our most important loved ones can be both marvelous and messy at the same time. All of those special events are meant to be happy occasions, helping us connect with each other, reminding us of our spiritual and religious roots, and renewing our outlook for the coming year. Sometimes, however, the joy of the holidays can dissipate like a fog at sunrise - and the love and goodwill we had hoped to share gets clouded by the stresses and emotions that sometimes come our way.

There is good news in all of this: If we put those experiences to good use, we can improve our ability to love as time goes on. That's how relationships get to be really juicy!

Do you wish for more peace, joy and love in your life? Then create more peace, joy and love in your relationships! But first, you must allow your relationship with others to teach you about you.

I want to share one of my favorite quotes. It is from the book Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsch. This is not the entire passage; I'm sharing a few sections and have highlighted key messages to help make the point clear. If you want to read the entire passage, it's in Chapter 8, page 121.

"Question:

When will I learn enough about relationships to be able to have them go smoothly? Is there a way to be happy in relationships? Must they be constantly challenging?"

"Answer:

There is a way to be happy in relationships, and that is to use relationships for their intended purpose, not the purpose you have designed.

Relationships are constantly challenging; constantly calling you to create, express, and experience higher and higher aspects of yourself, grander and grander visions of yourself, ever more magnificent versions of yourself. Nowhere can you do this more immediately, impactfully, and immaculately than in relationships. In fact, without relationships, you cannot do it at all.

Once you clearly understand this, once you deeply grasp it, then you intuitively bless each and every experience, all human encounter, and especially personal human relationships, for you see them as constructive, in the highest sense. You see that they can be used, must be used, are being used (whether you want them to be or not) to construct Who You Really Are.

When human love relationships fail (relationships never truly fail, except in the sense that they did not produce what you want) they fail because they were entered into for the wrong reason.

There can be only one purpose for relationships - and for all of life: to be and decide Who You Really Are."

So, I ask you, how juicy is that???

Do you use your relationships to learn more about yourself? Do you allow them to help you develop "ever more magnificent versions of yourself?" Can you see how being more magnificent would have your relationships be even better than they already are?

The place to start is by being aware of the times when you are, in fact, not being magnificent. Notice whenever you

• Complain
• Blame
• Withhold information, affection, love, attention
• Become argumentative
• Feel hurt, angry, irritated, doubtful
• Gossip
• Judge or criticize

These moments are rich with information from you to you. They show you when, where, why and how you give away your power and forfeit your sense of peace, joy and love. Notice how easy it is to talk yourself out of loving someone! And notice, when you're in any of those spaces, how you feel about yourself. Probably not very good.

It's all related - your magnificence and the quality of your relationships with others. So you see, relationships are juicy - truly luscious! - when you allow them to teach you about yourself and allow them to grow you into the amazing human being you truly, already, are. That's when you have access to real love, joy and peace, the things we hope to share with each other this time of year.

I hope you will take the opportunity to use your time with friends and family this season to grow yourself, know yourself - more, better, deeper than you ever have before. At first, it may seem a daunting task, but once you get the hang of it you'll embrace the gifts that all relationships have to offer - all year long!

Wishing you the happiest of holidays and all the best in the New Year,

Patty