Concept

When do you think about being gracious, welcoming, and inviting, in other words, hospitable? When special guests are about to arrive? When the holidays come around? When clients are in the office?

What about applying it to every person, every moment, every experience?

According to the dictionary, hospitality (being hospitable) means:

�   given to generous and cordial reception of guests

�   promising or suggesting a generous and cordial welcome

�   offering a pleasant or sustaining environment

�   readily receptive, open

Most people seem to focus on the first aspect of this definition, tending to reserve hospitality for special occasions. What would life be like if everyone you knew treated you as though you were the most special person on the planet? And what if you did the same?  ♫ "What a wonderful world this would be!" ♫

Discussion

In keeping with last month's newsletter, I'd like to suggest the practice of hospitality as a way of maintaining a "oneness" bond; a way to deepen the caring and connection you have with others. Try looking at everyone in your life (including yourself!), and perhaps everything in the universe, as special, deserving of your hospitality.

The best way to understand hospitality is to explore some of its many components. 

Respect - Honor - Appreciation: I think one of the reasons we like our dogs so much is because it's really clear they're happy to see us. ("Yaaaaay! You're home!!! You came back!!!" Whooppiieeeee!!") They epitomize a whole-hearted hospitality, and that exchange of energy raises endorphin levels that are healing for heart and soul.

Another way to make someone feel good (without having to wag your tail) is genuine gratitude, a heartfelt "thanks". And the best feel-good is when you find and appreciate the Hero in each other.

Giving Space: Hospitality is about allowing your guests to be who they are, to come and go and be on their terms. It requires letting of control (tough to do sometimes!) and maintaining a certain sense of receptivity to new ideas, opinions, behaviors, etc.

Equality - Mutuality: This acknowledges that both "host" and "guest" have something to offer each other. We are at the same time teacher and student, giver and receiver. If not, there is no hospitality, just a transaction.

Curiosity - Openness - Willingness to Explore: These are not typically associated with hospitality, but consider this: living life as an adventure, coming from a "not-knowing" stance, looking for the treasure in each and every experience, finding the gift in your guest, all of these open you up to new connections and deeper experiences.

Optimism - Abundance - Love - Generosity: I found some wise advice in a guide for teaching children about hospitality: "Sometimes, you be the one to take the smaller piece of cake." !! Hospitality involves knowing that there's plenty for everyone and gives everyone a chance to win.

Coaching

Loving kindness, compassion, generosity. Whatever you call it, hospitality is an important quality of life and love. It invokes the law of attraction, and it invites heart, success, growth, and Spirit.

Focus Out

One of the best ways to keep relationships alive and healthy for a long time is to constantly restore your hospitality. Start by coming from awe and wonder - what is it really like to be them? This is a much better stance than coming from for your assessments and judgments.

Try giving up what you think you already know. Certainty is death to growth and love (e.g., I KNOW how they are; she/he IS that way.). You can manage the tendency to assume, categorize, diagnose, predict or project by asking yourself "what else is there to know about this person?" and by assuming change is always happening, looking for strengths and competencies, and seeing the Hero in the other person. One of the things we all want is to be known and understood. You will make stronger heart-to-heart connections by learning new things about your lover, friend, parent, child, co-worker, and neighbor.

Focus In

Look for barriers to hospitality, one of which is fear of intimacy. A friend of mine calls intimacy "into-me-see." If you are afraid of being known or truly seen, you will block the flow of love from coming in and from going out. Hospitality based on fear will seem forced at best. We know when we're not being genuine with each other. Sometimes we'll mutually choose to play that game, sometimes we won't. If you want true happiness, peace and success in your life, practice letting people in. Let your true self be seen. Allow the world to know who you really are.

But first, you must know who you really are. The most important task is to keep increasing your capacity to love, starting with yourself first. If you're not hospitable to you, how can you expect to be hospitable to anyone else? And how can anyone to be hospitable to you?

Parting Thought

As final thoughts, I offer two quotes from Henri Nouwen, a modern spiritualist.