| Relationship Concepts Newsletter |
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| The Flip Side |
September 2007 |
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Hi!
It's been an exciting fun-filled summer and I'm looking forward to the new energies that fall will bring.
If you haven't heard, I have big news. I moved into a new office conveniently located in Dunwoody/Sandy Springs and am now offering in-person appointments. For more details, see the announcements below.
Here's to you!
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| The Flip Side of the Coin
Concept
This month's newsletter may seem contradictory to last's, but it's not. It's just the flip side of the same coin, so to speak.
Last month I gave you permission to be Self-ISH. This month, I direct you to be Self-LESS.
What do you think when you hear the term Selfless? Some of you might be cringing, some nodding your heads. It may conjure up a variety of responses, so I want to be clear about what I mean.
What it's not: codependency, martyr, or any other similar unproductive relationship behavior. I call these "bad habits"; they are forms of something that might seem like selflessness, but selfless they are not. They stem from little "s" selfish motives discussed last month.
What it is: At our core, we are all one being. Like drops of water in the ocean, we are at the same time individual selves and a small speck in the vast collective whole. Boundaries and borders are illusions - we are all one. That's no-self = Selfless (big "S"). Everything we think, feel, speak, do, and "be" impacts every living thing on the planet, and everything on the planet is, in its own way, living.
Discussion
Do you live in the awareness that everything about you makes a difference, has an impact, on everything around you? An exercise, to help illustrate my point.
Think about your experiences this morning.
What were you thinking? How might those thoughts have impacted others? How were you impacted by what someone else was thinking? If people could read your mind, would you be more responsible for what went on inside your head?
What were you feeling? How did that influence others around you? Were you influenced by someone else's feelings? How? If you knew that the energy of your negative feelings and emotions could cause a monsoon on the other side of the globe, would you do something to alter that energy? If you knew that the energy of your positive feelings and emotions could cure cancer or aids, would you make the effort to be more authentically joyous, hopeful, and serene?
What about your speech? Your actions? Consider this - how do you feel when
You hear:
*A complaint about the weather -versus- the compliment for a job well done
You see:
*Someone throw trash on the ground -versus- someone smiling at a stranger
You experience:
*A car cutting in front of you in traffic -versus- letting you ease into their lane
It's called the butterfly effect, in which the smallest initial condition makes a greater and greater impact as it moves beyond its point of origin. Prime example: how we treat our children now effects generations to come, in ways that are impossible to imagine.
Years ago I heard a tape of Marianne Williamson on relationships and love. She described a time when a friend's actions hurt her feelings. In the conversation afterward, her friend said, "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings," to which Marianne replied, "Yes, but did you intend to love me?"
Wow! To me, this really drove home the point of being responsible toward others. In other words, Selfless. "I didn't mean to hurt" is leaving experience to chance. Intending to love is a proactive stance. We get to choose which of these two paths we will take.
Yes, it's a tough job, being that intentional and that aware, managing everything we feel, think, say and do. But we must, if we're to live the extraordinary life. One of my favorite teachers says, "We have no rights, only responsibilities." What would the world be like if we all lived that way - all the time? It's a spiritual journey, because being Selfless means that "self" does not exist. One must have a strong sense of Self in order to give Self up. That's why being Selfish is part of the process (per last month's newsletter). Nourish yourself so that you have more to give. And the ultimate giving is YOU.
Coaching
How to develop this new level of being, this new way of living? Here are some suggestions.
- Cultivate an attitude of gratitude - this is the fastest, easiest and most effective way to open your heart center and cleanse your energy
- Learn to respect - this takes others into account
- Look at everything with awe - remember the miracle of life
- Express hospitality - treat everyone as a valued guest
- Generate joy - delight in the adventure of growing and being
- Love! - the Beatles were right all along. "All you need is love!"
- Give your life to something greater than yourself - this is your true calling, your purpose
These may sound simple, but they don't come easy. It takes something to achieve them: you must expand your awareness of Self and others. It's an inner journey, one that's very rewarding though not always a comfy ride. I believe it's why we're on earth to begin with, and it's our only true vocation.
There are many resources out there that are helpful in guiding this mission. A few, just to get you started:
Spiritual Etiquette - www.spiritualetiquette.com
Works by Eckhardt Tolle - www.eckhardttolle.com
What The Bleep (the movie) - www.whatthebleep.com
Parting Thought
We get so caught up in our daily lives that we ignore, deny, and forget who we really are and how connected we are to each other. As a simple reminder, I leave you with a few verses of one my favorite spiritual texts.
"Truly, no being can act without affecting his surroundings. Not only does he stir up the various layers of the atmosphere with each action, but he literally drags his near ones with him. Man must realize his responsibility toward the universe." (Agni Yoga)
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Solo to Soulmate
How to find the love of your life!
A workshop for single women who are ready to create the right relationship with the right man. You don't have to be single any more!
Next Course: October 20, 27 and November 3 from 10am to 2pm
Location: Phoenix and Dragon Bookstore, Sandy Springs
NOTE: Can't make this class? Consider hosting your own Solo to Soulmate! Hostesses get one month of free coaching! Call for details.
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Other Announcements
Communciation 201 - Taking Your Talk to the Next Level
Do you want to make deeper personal connections? Ensure business success? Be more effective in life? Join me at the Midtown Athletic Club at Windy Hill for a fun evening of learning new ways to connect through communication on Wednesday, October 10, 6:45 to 9:15pm. $49.00. For more information, call Marie Pijanowski at 770-953-1100.
Now offering in-person appointments!
My new office is located near 285 and 400, just outside the perimeter. In-person coaching sessions are available Wedesdays through Saturdays. To schedule an appointment, go to my online calendar in my Clients Only area.
New address:
5825 Glenridge Drive
Building 3, Suite 101
Atlanta, GA 30328
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