For physical health, we exercise regularly and eat well

For dental health, we brush daily

For mental health, we go to school, read, learn and do a variety of things to keep our brains and minds stimulated

But what do we do for our relationships?

We pretty much take them for granted. And then we wonder why they don't work. So, how do you find, keep and maintain a profoundly fulfilling love relationship?

The ART of love is a three-part concept: Acceptance, Responsibility, and Technology. These are key to having the kind of love relationship most of us want - healthy, loving, fulfilling, soul-satisfying and long-lasting.

Acceptance

First, we need to get clear about why we're in relationship in the first place. I base this one on a book called Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsh (starting on page 121 for those of you who want to know).

It says that the way to be happy in relationships is to use them for their intended purpose, not for the purpose we have designed. Until we have a healthy relationship with what it is to be in a healthy relationship, most of us use them for our own purposes: to make us feel better about ourselves, get our needs met, help us feel loved, and avoid pain of some kind.

According to the book, and I believe this to be true, God's purpose for relationships is to help us discover who we really are. They're a learning ground, designed to shape us, grow us, stretch us, and teach us to love ourselves and others. Acceptance means you go with that flow and understand that relationships are about growth and change. Once you do that, and you're well on your way to "marital bliss".

Responsibility

Few of us were born knowing how to have great relationships, and our role models weren't always the best. So, through experience over time we learn what I call "bad habits" that interfere with our ability to create powerfully connected, intimate, and soul-satisfying partnerships. Even if we had good role models, we inevitably encounter other peoples' issues - we must learn to work with those as well.

The good news is that these habits can be changed, but first we have to be aware of and then responsible for them. Responsibility means being able to respond - it's not that you are to blame or at fault, it's that you can own that you're the central figure in all the action and that you can do something to make things better. This means looking at yourself, your patterns, belief systems, protective mechanisms, and old ways of being that are keeping you from having the love you want in your relationship. (Or keeping you from having a relationship in the first place!) Once you get out of your own way, true love really can happen.

Technology

Having a proven system in place will dramatically increase your odds of having a long-term, successful life partnership. There are no guarantees, but there are methods that really work! And it does take some work, but it doesn't have to be hard, and it's well worth it. There are many resources available out there; all you need is a willingness to explore a variety of options and an open mind to learn new things about yourself and what it takes to create and maintain a phenomenal relationship.

Some steps to get you headed in the right direction:

•  Assess your willingness to accept that relationships aren't for your exclusive use; they're for a higher purpose. This doesn't mean you won't benefit - you will! - it's that what you gain is the outcome, not the reason for entry. You will get what you're looking for in a relationship when you embrace what there is to learn from them.

   
• Assess your willingness to work on yourself to have a better relationship, and to work on the relationship to have a better relationship.
   
• Look for all the ways you resist or avoid being responsible for what's happening. Flip side: look for ways in which you are or can be responsible. Enlist your community to help you. And start taking action, such as looking for technologies that work: individual and couples therapy, individual and couples coaching, Imago therapy, organizations like Couples Coaching Couples and workshops such as Celebrating Men Satisfying Women to name a few.
   
• Surround yourself with people who are working toward the same goals you are. For example, look to couples who have relationships that work. Explore how they do it and emulate their behavior, ask them for advice. Find ways to have your community work together to help each other progress.