This information comes from the book Getting the Love You Want by Drs. Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt, as well as from the article “Know When To Hold ‘Em” by Atlanta-based therapists, Wendy and Bob Patterson.

According to these experts, WE ARE SUPPOSED TO FALL OUT OF LOVE! And CONFLICT IS GOOD! At some point in your relationship, if it’s committed, real, and headed for forever, you will “hit the wall”. The message I hope to leave you with is this: it’s all good, your success depends on how you deal with what comes up, and it’s sooo worth the effort!

Romantic Love
We need the hormones, attraction, bonding and ecstasy that this phase provides. They are what get us to the commitment we need to get us through the subsequent stages. The ironic part of Romantic Love is that often what we first fall in love with (his playfulness, her nurturing, his drive, her sensitivity) is what eventually drives us crazy (his immaturity, her nagging, his workaholism, and her insecurity). This is how it’s supposed to be!

The Power Struggle
Here, your issues go to battle with your partner’s issues. Once the romance has cooled down, problems surface. This is normal – there is always certain level of incompatibility in any relationship. Embracing the challenges rather than resisting them are what help you make it beyond this level. Unfortunately, many couples never get past the Power Struggle due to an inability or unwillingness to deal with the things that come up. So, they stay stuck in the trenches and wonder why relationships are so hard. Unfortunately, this is what many people believe relationships are like. Fortunately, it doesn’t have to be that way!! Read on.

Recommitment
Recommitment is where the real relationship begins. It requires a willingness to be responsible for yourself, your partner and your couple. It also requires a willingness to do the inner work necessary to ensure the vitality of your love together. This is when you close all exits and surrender yourself to the journey. This is where happy ever after becomes a true possibility.

Doing The Work
The first three phases clearly depend on doing some relationship work to get you to this point, yet in this phase you and your partner focus on learning new habits, information and skills for creating a powerfully connected and profoundly fulfilling partnership. Here, recommitment turns into healing, growth, increased awareness, and a whole new level of love.

Transformation
As you progress in doing the work, your relationship begins to transform from one of effort and struggle to one of mutual healing, awareness and support. You become more competent in BEING in relationship rather than having or “doing” a relationship. A new couple begins to emerge.

Real Love
Real Love is much more profound and deep than romantic love, but it’s hard to describe because you have to experience it to know it. Real Love is both a destination and a journey. It is a life calling and a conscious, daily choice. It is the support, safety, peace and joy we seek from relationships. It is the happy ever after. Though not all bliss and beauty, it is the comfort of knowing that you can get through anything and restore yourself at any time to the loving, nurturing, special connection you’ve dedicated yourselves to creating.

Willingness
Getting to Real Love starts with a willingness to go beyond what you’ve known before – and to seek help getting there. While some people are fortunate to get it right on their own, most of us (including yours truly) benefit from getting help along the way. Trust me, it’s worth whatever you have to do to get there. But first, you have to be open to it.

Learning
Read books, get coaching, see a therapist, take a workshop (or two or three or four or five), have your aura cleansed, visit an astrologer, do some breathwork, find a guru. I don’t care what you do, just do whatever it takes!! If you really want Real Love, keep looking, keep growing, keep learning. Don’t stop until you get there!

Just Do It!
Don’t ever give up! Take a break if you need to, but get back on the court and spend more time in the game than you do on the bench. People who win are people who practice, play, rest, practice and play some more.

Believe
Wayne Dyer said many years ago, “you’ll see it when you believe it.” Know in your heart that Real Love will come and it will. When in doubt, fake it till you make it!

Destiny, Cause and Calling
Learn how to live your life on purpose! I will be assisting Ken Jacobsen in presenting this class. NO charge! September 13, 20, 27. Call for details.

Other workshops coming this summer:
Creating Love that Lasts
Discover the Top Five ways to keep your love alive. Hosted by The Knowledge Shop on September 18.