This information comes directly from a marvelous book on the subject of dating called Getting To I Do by Dr. Patricia Allen. I am grateful for her work both as a practitioner committed to helping others and as an individual committed to having love in my own life.

Perfection
We all know this one, sometimes too well. This is the proverbial “honeymoon”, when everything is perfect, your partner can do no wrong, and you’re sure that your profound love will last forever. Hormones are running high and life seems blissful. We want this stage to last forever, but alas, it does not.

Imperfection
I call this the “warts” phase. It’s almost as if we can be on our best behavior for 90 days, and that’s it. At day 91, reality strikes. Our imperfections start to show. You and your lover are humans after all, darn it!

For some, this marks the end of the relationship. Those addicted to the rush of romance and those who are commitment-phobic or afraid of intimacy will find this stage unbearable. They will likely leave in search of “something better”. If you find yourself with (or soon without) someone like this, best to cut your losses short and move on.

Negotiation
If you and your special someone make it through Imperfection, this is the time to start serious negotiations about different aspects of your relationship. You may have discussed some things in the prior phase in order to deal with some of the things that showed up, however, in this stage you’re going even deeper. What is your relationship for? What do you want your future together to look like? How will you manage challenges, time, money, space, playtime, etc.

Commitment
Having made it through the first three stages, the last several months of the first year of a relationship that has long-term potential involve affirming a commitment. For most, that means marriage.

Perfection
The best way to navigate this stage is to enjoy it and NOT move too quickly. I repeat – do NOT move too fast! Don’t jump into bed right away, don’t spend all your waking time together, don’t spend all your mental and emotional energy on this new person. Do take time getting to know your new lover. Do maintain your own life and friends and the activities you had before you met. Do keep a clear mind as best you can and you’ll make better choices for yourself.

Imperfection
This phase requires patience, acceptance, and keen observation. It’s easy to feel reactive when your perfect partner doesn’t look so perfect any more. When the “warts” start to show, breathe deeply, count to 10 and stay calm. First, accept the fact that you are both human. Then check to see if what’s happening is something you can talk about to resolve, if it’s an issue that can be managed over time, or if it’s a deal-breaker. This is when self awareness and self restraint (so as not to overreact) are of utmost importance.

Negotiation
Once you make it past the first six months, you can start to discuss the finer points of your relationship, whether it’s the wart-ish issues that appeared before or the longer-term items like money and where to live and what your relationship vision/purpose looks like. Heretical as it many seem, you might even consider doing some couples coaching or counseling, starting in the second six months. Instead of waiting until early warning signs become irreconcilable differences, consider that “couples work” at this point will help to establish a stronger foundation for lasting love.

Commitment
The commitment phase doesn’t necessarily mean proposal time, but it does mean that you two start to seal the deal. Are you together for the long haul or not? Will you marry or not? How will you support the long-term health of your couple? Coaching here includes being sure to continue the negotiations and working out of issues started in the prior phase. It also includes enjoying the deepening love and devotion you now share.

Other workshops coming this summer:
Become a Relationship Magnet
Learn to use the Laws of Attraction to increase your charisma for attracting love and relationships into your life. Hosted by The Knowledge Shop on August 16.
Communicate to Captivate
Improving your dating results --and experience -- through better connections and conversations. Colead: Ken Jacobsen. Hosted by the Marcus Jewish Community Center on July 31 and by Atlanta's Upscale Singles on August 9.
Creating Love that Lasts
Discover the Top Five ways to keep your love alive. Hosted by The Knowledge Shop on September 18.

• 7/20 - Suzanne Mathieson -- Spiritual Etiquette
• 7/27 - Ken Jacobsen -- ONE: The Art and Practice of Conscious Leadership
• 8/3 - Leslie Rice -- Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women
• 8/10 - Don Miguel Ruiz -- The Mastery of Love and The Four Agreements
• 8/17 - Joan Aderman -- Feminine Empowerment
• 8/24 - Ken Jacobsen -- Loving Yourself and Others
• 8/31 - Jacquelyn Wright -- Spirituality and Relationships