To help you in this same way, the next three newsletters will cover the typical phases of three relationship timeframes.

1. On the dating scene
2. Your first year
3. Marriage (or something like it) and beyond

As with anything in life, there are no formulas, just general ideas to consider. Depending on your age, past history, the reasons you are dating, etc., your experience may differ. Nonetheless, the more you know about yourself and relationships, the better you can ensure long-term success.

Acquaintance
Anyone can be an acquaintance. You should have lots of them. As you know, sharing a conversation over a cup of coffee does not a dating relationship make. Nonetheless the more acquaintances you have of the opposite sex the better your dating odds. Go Starbucks!

Secondary
Secondaries are people you are “just dating.” Generally speaking, men are more comfortable with these than women. Still, this is one thing men do well, so women, take note! Being or having secondaries is good, it keeps your relationships from going from 0 to 60 in 3.7 seconds which, while great for sports cars, is not great for lasting love. In this phase, you may or may not have several, you may or may not have sex, there is no promise of tomorrow and since there’s no agreement there’s no need or expectation of a formal ending.

Primary
As indicated by the term, there is only one primary. This is someone who is special, but you haven’t made a formal commitment yet. During a primary situation, you can have one or more secondaries. There should be agreement with the primary of their status, and the secondary(s) need to know about the primary. (Note: it’s not primary or secondary if the others involved aren’t aware of this arrangement. It’s cheating.) There generally is a formal ending of this agreement, whether it’s goodbye or go forward.

Exclusive
That’s it. No one else in the picture. “You and me, babe.” “I’m your one and only!” Need I say more? Exclusive doesn’t mean engaged, but should include some vision of a future together.

Acquaintance
Especially if you’re just getting back into the dating scene, or if you’re ready to give your dating life a turbo boost, I recommend making lots of new acquaintances. Go on 25 Starbucks dates in a 60-90 day period. Learn from every interaction -- about yourself, about your dating/relationship skills, about the opposite sex. Make adjustments as necessary, and watch what happens!

Secondary
While sex is permissible here, it’s dangerous. Especially for women, being physical too early in the game keeps you from seeing clearly. Even worse, without a commitment beforehand, sex may keep you in secondary status forever. If that’s all you want, great. If not, I recommend taking this time to get to know the other person. Just have fun.

Primary
This phase should start with a conversation and end with a conversation. Conversation #1: declare the status. Conversation #2: declare what’s next. Give this phase three to six months, after which, change phases. If you’re not moving to the exclusive phase, move down to secondary status and get back to looking for someone who’s into you enough to make a formal commitment. Regarding sex, there are differences in opinions here. I personally think it’s better and safer to wait until you have an exclusive agreement and a possibility for a future.

Exclusive
Just because you’re exclusive doesn’t mean there’s a future, although it is implied. If there is no conversation, there is no commitment. So, the sooner the two of you have a shared idea of what you want the future to bring, the more serious your exclusivity is. Don’t wait too long to figure out that your relationship isn’t going anywhere. If things haven’t progressed in a six-month period, then time to go back to primary, secondary, or move on. If, on the other hand your love does grow and the future is clear, congratulations!

Other workshops coming this summer:
Become a Relationship Magnet
Learn to use the Laws of Attraction to increase your charisma for attracting love and relationships into your life. Hosted by the Marcus Jewish Community Center on June 21 and The Knowledge Shop on August 16.
Communicate to Captivate
Improving your dating results --and experience -- through better connections and conversations. Colead: Ken Jacobsen. Hosted by the Marcus Jewish Community Center on July 31 and by Atlanta's Upscale Singles on August 1.
Creating Love that Lasts
Discover the Top Five ways to keep your love alive. Hosted by The Knowledge Shop on September 18.

• 6/22 - Sharon Joseph -- Using couple to deal powerfully with loss
• 6/29 - Audrey Hoge -- Generosity
• 7/6 - David Steele -- Conscious Dating
• 7/13 - Susan Jeffers -- Feel The Fear Guide to Lasting Love
• 7/20 - Suzanne Mathieson -- Spiritual Etiquette
• 7/27 - Ken Jacobsen -- ONE: The Art and Practice of Conscious Leadership