So, the big question is: what does it take to be APPEALING to the opposite sex (or to anyone, for that matter)? The Miriam-Webster definition of APPEALING is: the power of arousing a sympathetic response. That’s what we want: more power to elicit a positive reaction. Today, we will be looking at the first two of nine specific qualities that can help you do just that.

• Appearance
• Personality

Let’s get the obvious one out of the way first. We live in a very visual world – what you look like matters. But it’s not the only aspect to finding and keeping the right life mate for you; there’s a lot more to love than looks. Sometimes when we’re single we forget that, especially when we’re bombarded every day by ads that remind us we could always look better. And while it is important to be mindful of your appearance, looks aren’t everything. That’s really good news.

For those of you saying “yeah right”, I have a suggestion for you. Look around. Notice the people who are beautiful and the people who aren’t. You’ll see not-so-beautiful people in loving relationships all over the place, and you’ll see couples out there in which one person is more attractive than the other. Look and you’ll see someone you think has outstanding good looks who can’t find love. Yes, looks matter. But what matters more is how much you value yourself. It’s what beneath the surface that really counts.

Personality

Your personality is one of the things that makes you uniquely you. It will APPEAL to some people and not to others. That’s ok. One of the hardest things for some of us to get over is that we can’t please everyone. Not everyone is going to be your best friend. Still, we all want to be APPEALING to as many people as we can. In order to do that, your personality needs to be a true reflection of who you really are.

Typically, our personalities are at least to some extent an act we put together a long time ago that helped us survive the craziness of growing up. What many of us find later in life is that some parts of this persona we’ve constructed don’t necessarily reflect the person we’ve become, and some parts may in fact be hindering us in relationships.

So, believe it or not, more good news: many aspects of your personality can be changed – they’re not set in stone! You can become less shy, e.g. more expressive and outgoing. You can learn to be more generous, or to be better listener. You can increase your self-confidence. And you can actually become smarter. There are a myriad of ways to become more APPEALING, it just takes a little work and the ability to “witness” yourself, your words and actions, and the reactions of the people around you.

Appearance

• Notice how much time and energy you devote to your appearance. If you are focusing too much on it, or if you’re not focusing enough, you can miss real opportunities for love.
• Have you updated your look in the last couple of years? Do you feel good in everything you wear? Does your wardrobe suit you? Is it fresh and clean? Do you ever ask for feedback on things that can be improved?
• Are you taking care of the basics (personal hygiene) daily? Are you managing your physical well- being? You don’t have to be a major athlete, but you must take care of your health. Without it, you will have a hard time reaching your goals.
• How do you present yourself to others? Do you have a professional look and feel? Laid back? Fashionista? Bohemian? Does it suit your personality and lifestyle? Does it support what you’re trying to accomplish in your life? Does it represent who you are inside?
• Do you value yourself? Are you attractive from the inside first? Are you connected with your spirit? Does you let it shine through? Are you living your values?

Personality

This can be a tough one. No one wants to hear that something about their personality is problematic. But it can be an enlightening and helpful exercise to start looking at yourself to see what you like and what you want to change for the better. Be careful not to use this exercise to beat yourself up. Your personality is what it is, and this is just a place to start. The whole point is to begin to love yourself more so that you can get loved more. Here are some places to look:

• What do you like about your personality? What do you think others like about your personality? What can you do to become more APPEALING to yourself?
• What subtle feedback do you get from others that might indicate an area that’s not so APPEALING to them? One hint is this: what types of people you are attracting? Consider the complaints you have about the people you have in our life. Might you be guilty of the same? (Other people are our mirrors.)
• Whom do you trust to give you honest feedback? Ask them: What do they love about you? What would they change if they could? Is there something they aren’t telling you because they’re afraid they’ll hurt your feelings?

Moving forward in being more APPEALING will not only help you find love, it will give you a more fulfilling and successful life. And that’s my holiday wish for you.

Other workshops coming in 2006: