Being INTENTIONALLY LOVING is about consciously choosing our words and actions. It is based on the desire to honor everyone in our lives, and it is about being committed to treating everyone well, not just a select few.

You probably already have wonderful relationships in your life. I’m sure you are already as loving as you can be. Yet this relationship concept is suggesting that there might be a new level to go to. It’s certainly worth the exploration.

Do you know how you come across to others? Are you aware when your interactions leave people feeling good and when they don’t? When someone gets upset with you, do you look to see what part of that you can be responsible for? Do you, in every moment, intend to be loving towards (or at least care for) the other human being(s) in front of you? People don’t remember what you say; they remember how you make them feel.

Hurting someone unintentionally happens when we’re not thinking about how what we’re doing or saying might affect the other person. That’s usually because we’re more concerned about ourselves, or just not paying attention. We may not be aware that what we’re doing is hurtful to them because many times the other person won’t say so. Therefore, it’s up to you to start noticing yourself. Sometimes just a slight change in behavior will make all the difference in someone else’s life (your’s too!).

A few areas to look are:

1. The tone of your voice: do you sound happy or angry? Interested or bored? Accepting or blaming?
2. Your body language: Is the look on your face happy or angry? Interested or bored? Accepting or rejecting? Is your body posture congruent with what you are saying? Are you tense or relaxed? Arms crossed or open?
3. Actions you do or don’t do: will people feel included or excluded? Considered or ignored?

All we really want is to be accepted and validated. Being INTENTIONALLY LOVING will allow you to get that for yourself and give it to others. People are attracted to people who care. You’ll get more connection in your relationships -- and more of what you want out of life -- if you’re willing to take this concept on.

Looking at the three areas:

1. Notice how you talk to yourself. This is where not being INTENTIONALY LOVING shows up the loudest. Listen to yourself – would you say that out loud to someone else? Most of us are pretty hard on ourselves in some way or other. How to change this: If you hear yourself beating yourself up, saying “I should” a lot, insulting or putting yourself down in any way, stop immediately and rephrase with a kinder, gentler expression. This is called a “Do Over”. It may be uncomfortable at first, but the more you practice the easier it gets. Eventually you’ll be nice to yourself most of the time.
2. Notice your body language. Did you know that your facial muscles and body posture can determine your internal mood? Better to sit up straight and smile as much as possible!
3. Notice the things you do or don’t do for yourself – like getting your emotional needs met, getting enough rest and exercise and nourishing food, surrounding yourself with people who treat you well and saying “no” to people who don’t – are all key to being intentional and being loving.

Other Workshops, coming in November: