You have probably been taught all your life that it's good to appreciate others but "boastful" and "arrogant" to appreciate yourself. Or maybe you just get so caught up in appreciating others and doing your daily tasks that you never take time to step back and truly appreciate yourself and your own life.
The trouble is, when you believe you can appreciate others but not yourself (or when you take time for others but not yourself) you are acting by a Double Standard which treats others as First Class citizens and treats you as a Second Class citizen. This leads to unhealthy conflict and confusion, and puts your life in the control of others.
While it is wonderful to appreciate others, it is vital to value and appreciate yourself. Here's why:
- Reason Number One: Your life makes all of your other values possible. You cannot value love, friendship, fulfilling work, achievement, and enjoyment without your life. And the same goes for everybody else.
- Reason Number Two: You are the only one who can live your life. It is up to YOU to nurture and "grow" yourself into the kind of person you can admire, appreciate, and enjoy being. Again, the same goes for everybody else.
- Reason Number Three: You must know what it's like to strive before you can appreciate the strivings of others. It is impossible to appreciate the values, goals, struggles and achievements of others without knowing firsthand what it takes and what it's like to strive for your own values and goals. Still again, the same goes for everybody else.
When you switch from the Double Standard of appreciating others but not yourself to the Universal Standard of appreciating the good qualities of all human beings, including yourself, you are able to appreciate others in a much more meaningful and genuine way.
HERE'S HOW TO GET STARTED:
1. DECIDE to value yourself and your life. Make a conscious choice to care about yourself and to discover what is best for all aspects of your life.
2. Write down the CHARACTERISTICS you would like to have as a person. Think about what you admire in other people, especially your heroes and heroines, and start developing those characteristics in yourself. Don't try to develop everything at once - work on one character trait at a time, and monitor yourself so you can catch yourself when you fall short. In my own case, I would like to break my habit of interrupting others when they are conversing with me. To do that, I keep a watchful eye on myself whenever I am in a conversation, and I make myself wait until the person has finished stating his or her thoughts before reacting to what was said. Sometimes I can't tell when a person who goes into a lot of detail is actually finished, so I ask the person upfront to tell me when he or she is finished so that I don't interrupt his or her train of thought.
3. Write down the things you would like to EXPERIENCE and accomplish in your life. Here again, don't try to do everything at once. Start by taking small steps to enable you to make it all happen. If you want to help others, find out what other people really need, and acquire the skills to help them make a livelihood, communicate more easily, live more enjoyably, or acquire a healthier lifestyle. Most important, develop skills in your area of interest (so that you are able to do work that you love and have something to offer others) and become a healthy adult yourself (so you can love living your life and lead by example).
Once you start developing yourself into the kind of person you want to be - and once you start taking steps to achieve the things you want for your life - you will start to appreciate yourself. And you will start to understand what it took for the people you admire to develop their character and accomplish their goals.
What a WIN-WIN state of affairs: being able to genuinely appreciate others by being able to genuinely appreciate yourself. So be gentle and loving to yourself, and make every day not only a self-development day but also a genuine Self-Appreciation Day!
