|
If you're like most people, you were brought up to be a good friend to everyone but your own self. Self-neglect and self-denial can demoralize you and cause your hopes and your dreams to decay into nothingness. It's time to learn to treat yourself as well as you would treat your neighbor or your very best friend. In fact, it's time to become your own best friend.
In order to get out of the habit of putting yourself down - and get into the habit of treating yourself with the respect of a best friend - there are three big things you must realize:
- You are the only one who can live your life. Nobody else can live your life; nor can you live anybody else's life. This means that nobody can "live for" anybody else. Each person must do his or her own "living."
- You - and only you - have the right to your own life. Likewise, your neighbor - and only your neighbor - has the right to his or her own life. This benefits both you and your neighbor because it prevents you from becoming a "slave" to your neighbor, and it prevents your neighbor from becoming a "slave" to you. That leaves you each free to live your own lives and pursue your own goals.
- You - and only you - have the responsibility for your own life. Likewise, your neighbor - and only your neighbor - has the responsibility for his or her life. This also benefits both you and your neighbor because it prevents you from becoming a burden to your neighbor and your neighbor from becoming a burden to you. Again, that leaves you each free to live your own lives and pursue your own goals.
In other words, neither you nor your neighbors have to "justify" your lives by "benefiting others." You can each follow your own dreams without harming one other. You can each voluntarily choose to relate with one other to mutual benefit, or not. Voluntary, mutually beneficial relationships are beautiful and healthy. Forced, one-way relationships are ugly and destructive.
America was the very first nation to be built on the idea that YOU do not exist to serve others; nor do others exist to serve you. Despite what many aspects of our culture still tell you, you are not obligated to be "your neighbor's keeper," nor is your neighbor obligated to be your "keeper." Mature adults don't have "keepers." They are self-responsible and self-reliant. Parents are the only adults who have a "keeper" obligation - but only to their children until their children reach adulthood.
Being your own best friend doesn't mean you can't help others. It means never harming yourself by turning your back on your most important values in order to help others. Being your own best friend means always being true to your highest values - and your loved ones can be among your highest values. Helping another adult human being is perfectly compatible with being your own best friend if you truly value that person - and if your "help" is agreeable and beneficial to both you and the other person.
Being your own best friend means:
- Having the courage to claim your right to your own life - at the risk of being called "self-centered." Being self-centered means MAKING YOURSELF THE BEST PERSON YOU CAN BE - instead of making yourself the kind of person others want you to be - or making other people the way you want them to be. It means TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN LIFE - instead of becoming an irresponsible burden on someone else - or becoming a "responsible slave" to everyone else. Recognizing each person's right to his or her own life honors both yourself and others.
- Having the courage to be honest with yourself - at the risk of being called "insensitive." Honesty means BEING TRUE TO YOUR OWN SIGHT OF REALITY, looking the facts square in the face, and never twisting them to fit someone's wishes - including your own. Being honest honors both yourself and others.
- Having the courage to truly care for your well-being - at the risk of being called "selfish." Selfishness means TRULY CARING FOR YOURSELF - it does not mean brutishness and it does not rule out caring for other people that you value. When you give yourself permission to truly care for yourself, you change your attitude toward other people from fear or resentment to genuine appreciation.
- Having the courage to stick by your own values - at the risk of being called "inconsiderate." Courage means being true to your values despite your fears - and never betraying your values to placate others. There is nothing wrong with being "inconsiderate" to a robber or a murderer - or to anyone who bullies or otherwise mistreats you, your children, or other human beings. You want to reward people who create and honor values, not people who destroy values. When you stick by your values, your actions match your values - and by honoring your values, you feel at home with the world, yourself, and with others.
Being your own best friend is not a luxury. It is a necessity. Because YOU are the only one who can know how you want to be and what you want to do in this beautiful opportunity called LIFE. When each person takes care of his or her own self, no one becomes a burden to others, no one has reason to resent others, and we can all root for one another. When you become your own best friend you show others how to be their own best friend, too. Think what a happier world this would be if all of us were on good terms with ourselves and were true to our own cherished dreams - instead of putting ourselves down and turning our backs on the things that matter to us most.
HERE'S HOW TO GET STARTED:
Practice these four things for the entire month of May:
- Do what is most important first. At any given moment, always do what is most important to you first - never do what is less important or unimportant. What's "most important" depends on your values and the goals you have set for yourself. The list of most important things to do changes from day to day. That's because when you achieve one goal, another becomes "most important." For example: When you have food on hand, grocery shopping is not even on your To-Do List. But when you run out of food, grocery shopping goes to the top of your To-Do List.
- Don't put yourself down. Never put yourself down - but if you feel "down" always try to figure out why, and do something about it. By treating yourself as your own best friend, you will be a better person for yourself as well as others, and you can show others how to treat themselves as their own best friends, too.
- Don't apologize for living. Always apologize and make amends for any harm you do to others - but never apologize for being true to your values and going after your goals - or for being good, talented, accomplished or beautiful.
- Stand by your own best judgment. Never stop trying to understand other people's points of view - but always stand by your own best judgment.
Instead of feeling like your own worst enemy, by the end of the month you will feel like you have become your very best friend. |
