Frequently Asked Questions
"How can relatives behave and speak to those who have suffered a loss when it comes to holiday preparations and festivities?"
Anticipating holidays after a death can be overwhelming, lonely and wrenching. To help those who are grieving, ask what they would like. Take the pressure off by not voicing your own expectations. Realize that it's very likely they will want to do things differently this year - and that's fine. Traditions can be put on hold for one year.
Once you've asked, listen; then, respond with some suggestions that give the person flexibility and control.
Grief counselor, Pat McConville suggests, "Feelings must be respected and loved ones honored. Ask if it would be comforting to have the one who has died mentioned at the meal or gathering. Perhaps the lighting of a special candle would be a helpful gesture. Or the making of a wreath or miniature tree with significant objects or photos. The sharing of a favorite memory is also a way to pay tribute to the one who is absent."
Be patient and understanding. Compromise, adjust, and honor the needs of the ones most affected. Keep the spirit of the occasion and the needs of the family as the focus.
Simplify. Try to lower expectations and anxieties. Expect tears and have tissues handy. Crying is OK and can be a release that breaks the tension.
Many say that anticipating the upcoming holiday is much more difficult than the day itself. Having relatives around can be very healing and hopeful. Those facing a holiday alone may decide to "sit out" the holidays this year, and you should respect those feelings. Let them know you love them and are thinking of them and that you want to do what is best for them.
Remember that there is no right or wrong way to experience grief; nor is there a time limit for feelings. We hope that these suggestions will help you interact with those you love who may be grieving, in a way that is comfortable for all.
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