Gently Used Coats Needed

Gately Community Connections

For Our Community of Caregivers

November 2010

In This Issue

Gently-Used Coats Needed

Tips for Coping with Grief During the Holidys

York Children's Foundation

Beware of Scammers Targeting Seniors

Gently-Used Coats Needed to Provide Warmth this Holiday Season

This Fall, the Gately Funeral Home teamed up with the Salvation Army on Route 1 in Saugus to collect gently-used adult and children's coats. "We are proud to do our part to help our neighbors in need by collecting coats for both adults and children. People who shop at the Family Thrift Stores do so with dignity and the money collected goes to another good cause. All around, this is a win-win situation," said John Gately, owner and funeral director at Gately Funeral Home.

Donations support the Salvation Army Adult Rehabilitation Centers, which provide substance abusers and others struggling with various life issues with the necessary tools to re-enter society and live productive lives.

The Holiday Coat Drive continues through Thanksgiving. Those wishing to donate are asked to bring clean, gently-used coats for adults and children to the lobby of the Gately Funeral Home at 79 West Foster Street in Melrose.

Coping with Grief
During the Holidays

The holidays can be difficult for those of us who have lost a loved one, particularly if this is the first holiday season without that person.

This usually joyous time of year is often accompanied by painful reminders of the person we are missing and apprehension about how we will cope with the festivities all around us.

The key to managing grief during this time is to give yourself permission to be flexible and to try to anticipate changes you may wish to make. We have listed some suggestions below which we hope will help you face the coming season knowing that you are not alone in your ambivalence about the holidays, and that there are coping strategies available.

1) It is important to acknowledge that adjustments will be necessary in the traditions and celebrations of the holiday season.

2) Use a journal to write down your feelings and fears concerning the holidays. Clarifying your thoughts will help you feel more in control and less overwhelmed. View the holiday season as a series of small events, rather than as endless commitments and demands.

3) Plan ahead to participate in some holiday activities to avoid having to make decisions under pressure. If you are not sure about an invitation, be tentative. Explain that some days are better than others and you may attend if you feel up to it.

4) Build in quiet time to your schedule so you don't resent having too much to do.

5) Getting into the spirit by decorating can bring warmth into your home. Ask family and friends to help if it all seems too much to do alone.

6) If you are not ready to celebrate this year, that's OK. If you have children, discuss holiday changes with them so they don't feel confused or punished.

7) If you find yourself alone for the holidays, use the time to pamper yourself - do something you've wanted to do and haven't had the time for.

8) If you don't want to be alone, make a plan not to spend the holidays by yourself. Call family and friends and tell them you'd like to spend some time with them.

9) Do for others: Put together a holiday gift package or basket of food for a needy family.

10) Start a new tradition in memory of your loved one.

It is often beneficial to see a professional counselor when grief seems overwhelming. To find a professional who can help, consult The Therapy Directory at http://therapists.psychologytoday.com or go to www.hospicecarema.org to learn about their bereavement support services.

At Gately Funeral Home, we have several booklets that many have found helpful for coping with grief during the holidays. Called CareNotes, these are available to you without charge. Call Gately Funeral Home at 781-665-1949 to request one or more of the following titles:

Using Good Memories to Help Heal Your Grief

Living with Loss while Others are Celebrating

Getting through the Holidays When You've Lost
a Loved One

Ten Ways to honor a Deceased Love One at Christmas

When You Can't All Be Together for the Holidays

Feeling Depressed at Christmastime

Grieving at Christmas: A Family Guide

Remember that there is no right or wrong way to experience grief; nor is there a time limit for our feelings. We all experience loss differently. We hope that the suggestions listed above will help you get through this time of year and to choose the strategies that are right for you.

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   Still Time to Nominate
   Your Favorite Children's
   Organization

Gately Funeral Home is proud to participate in the York Children's Foundation which was established in 1992 to disburse funds to non-profit organizations that work for the benefit of children. Since its inception, more than $3 Million has been given as grants to a variety of civic organizations.

You can nominate a local children's organization for quarterly financial grants ... an organization you feel is deserving just needs your nomination - and Gately Funeral Home takes it from there! We'll contact the organization - it must be a tax-exempt with a 501(c)3 designation - and help them complete a grant application.

Here's how the program works: A donation is made to the York Children's Foundation in memory of a loved one following a family's purchase of a Matthew's Company casket from Gately Funeral Home. These donations are then dispersed through a grant program to organizations across the country that have programs benefitting children. Examples of past grant recipients include children's camps, museums, hospitals, homeless shelters, grief support centers, and mental health programs.

Simply contact us at Gately Funeral Home - gatelyfuneralhome@comcast.net. Tell us your name and contact information, the name of the organization you are nominating, a contact person and phone number. Most importantly, write two or three sentences on why you believe this organization is deserving of a grant. They could receive a grant ranging from $500 to $3,000!

There is still time to nominate a local organization. Together, we will make a difference in the life of a child!

Beware of Scammers
Targeting Seniors!

Seniors are especially susceptible to unscrupulous people with creative scams to separate the elderly from their money. Being aware of these scams helps you to help those in your care or your loved ones from falling victim to the following situations.

#1 You've won!

A senior gets a call or letter saying a prize has been won, but in order to claim it you need to send money to cover a shipping or handling fee or pay taxes. This money is required upfront. Much as we all want to believe that Lady Luck has finally come to call, with an offer like this, it is most definitely a scam.

#2 Recovering the loss from the win that wasn't.

A particularly vile scheme is one that targets seniors who have already been swindled. Called recovery scams, a con typically poses as a government agency representative who is working on your case. A large sum of cash (which must be wired or sent to him immediately) is needed to conduct the investigation. He may even provide phone numbers for the Better Business Bureau or other consumer agency (which are false, of course). How did he know you had been ripped-off in the first place? He either bought your information from the con that took your money, or he was the original swindler. No FBI agent, police officer, or any other law enforcement agent will ever ask for payment to do their job.

#3 "I want to help you pay your bills."

Some seniors need assistance managing their financial affairs. If this is the case, be highly selective with the person you decide to work with. Beware of the person who suggests (or leads the senior into suggesting) becoming a joint account holder. That person will have the power to withdraw funds, and can arrange to inherit every dime in the account upon death.

Get professional, objective legal advice before letting anyone have this kind of power over your finances.

#4 "You need a new roof."

Many cons target older Americans because many seniors are homeowners. This scam can begin with a spontaneous visit from a "contractor." He will offer a special repair deal for seniors, a free inspection, or he noticed something terribly wrong with your home that needs urgent attention. If you take the bait, you'll likely be charged exorbitant fees to fix something that needs no fixing. The job will be done shoddily or not at all, or the price of the repairs will increase dramatically in the middle of the job.

Before hiring someone to work on your home, ask to see his contractor's license number and check it with your state's Contractors License Board. Get at least three other bids before making a final decision.

Resource for information in Beware of Scams Targeting Seniors: Balance Financial Fitness - www.balancepro.net

Since 1889 the firm of Gately Funeral Home has been dedicated to providing the people of Melrose and surrounding communities funeral services unsurpassed in quality and caring. We thank you for your continuing support. It is our honor to assist your families in times of need.

Contact Info
For more information about the articles in this issue of Gately Community Connections or to contribute to a future issue, contact John Gately at info@gatelyfh.com. Gately Funeral Home is located at 79 West Foster Street, Melrose MA 02176.