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Leadership Challenge
Success Story #1
Success Story #2
Featured Service & Call to Action
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Issue: #2 April 2010

This newsletter is dedicated to all of you who listen fully and also speak up in a thoughtful, caring and constructive way. You make a positive difference in the world.

 
"What does it mean to be promoted into a leadership position? Frankly, it means we now have the authority to serve people in a special way." 
 
~ Anonymous 
 (From The Speaker's Sourcebook by Van Ekeren)
"Successful men and women pay tribute to those who cared enough to confront them." 
 
~ John Hoover
Leadership Challenge
 
How do I communicate with others about difficult or sensitive topics without damaging relationships?
 
Do you find yourself holding back or avoiding potentially difficult conversations? Many clients and colleagues with whom I work find themselves in "tricky situations" where they want to bring up hot or difficult topics and want to do it constructively. They know that honest conversations are critical to success. Most are not afraid of speaking up about topics that are very important to them. They are concerned, however, about damaging the relationship with the other(s). They wish to share their ideas openly and "do no harm". While none of us is in charge or another's experience, there are some things we can do that increase the success odds dramatically in these situations.
 
"Tricky Communication" Cliff Notes ~
The Five Fundamentals
  1. Do your homework
  2. Be fully present
  3. Listen as an ally
  4. Speak your truth
  5. Let go of your specific outcome or agenda
 When there are differences, there is huge potential for learning and breakthrough - for positive change. That possibility starts with you - your intention and presence. If your intention is to produce understanding and collaboration with the other and your presence is authentically calm and open, you are well on your way to a successful interaction followed by more successful interactions. It all starts with preparing yourself.
 
1. Do your homework
Your checklist
  • What is my intention in this conversation? (Make sure it is clear and constructive prior to interacting.)
  • Is there helpful information I need about the situation, myself, the other person, or topic before I initiate this conversation?
  • What is my truth (my point of view) about this situation?
  • What do I want from the other?
2. Be fully present
Your checklist
  • Am I breathing?
  • Am I focused and in this moment, leaving the past behind?
  • Have we assured that we will not be interrupted? (Phones and computers off or muted; Workable timing and location; etc.)
3. Listen as an ally
Your checklist
  • Do I see that we are "in this together" - that we are in some important way interdependent?
  • Am I paying close attention to what the other is saying - both verbally and non-verbally?
  • Am I seeking to understand what has meaning for the other?
  • Am I asking open-ended questions?
  • Am I looking for common ground between us?
4. Speak your truth
Your checklist
  • Am I expressing what is true for me ("In my opinion..."/"As I see it, ...")
  • Am I acknowledging that I do not have a corner on THE TRUTH?
5. Let go of your specific outcome or agenda Your checklist
  • Am I open to discovering or creating something new?
  • Do I understand that it is possible that we can both win and be satisfied, but the outcome may look different than what I originally had in mind?
Success Story #1:
 
This high tech CEO expects high performance from the people on the executive team. She carefully selects them and asks a lot of them. She is typically impatient with sub-par performance. When one of the members of her executive team consistently failed to meet expectations, she asked him to go for a walk with her to discuss the situation. Those who knew her from the past may have predicted that she was about to fire this executive. She told him (1) she believed in him and his capabilities and (2) she and his fellow executives counted on him and stood ready to support him in any way they could. She asked him for ideas about what he and others could do to get him back on track. She listened and learned that this usually confident leader had lost his confidence after a setback and was holding back on the job. She replied "You're way too good for this to go on. I'm asking that you work with a coach and let me know what I can do along the way." She then provided him with coaching options from which he selected one. She continued to expect the best from him AND supported his growth. He turned it around.
Success Story #2:
 
A consulting colleague and I visited an executive client who was at risk in his job due to unacknowledged, unexplored, and unresolved differences with his boss and colleagues. We prepared for the meeting by clarifying that our intention was to provide a "heads up" to this valued client and to engage him in joint brainstorming about possible next steps. In the meeting, we shared our observations and expressed our concerns. When it became clear that he did not see it as we saw it and was not concerned, we offered additional evidence that he rejected. My first instinct was to try even harder to get him to see the dilemma. When all failed, we took our leave. My colleague, seeing my frustration, asked me three questions:
-     Did you do your best to prepare for this meeting?
-     Did you listen as an ally?
-     Did you fully speak your truth?
When I answered "yes", she then said something I will never forget: "Now it's time to let go of the outcome. You did what you can do."
 
The exec client lost his job two weeks later and happily landed in another company where he is a much better fit!
Featured Service & Call To Action - Call me!
Coaching
 
Coaching is a highly engaging process that brings together (1) a highly motivated and successful client and (2) a well-trained coach who is committed to the on-going success and well being of the client. Together, they explore possibilities and design learning goals and approaches to achieving those goals. It is a partnership designed for learning, growth, and positive and lasting change.
 
"Pat has been an awesome thought partner and facilitator to the success and growth of our company.  Our company is constantly changing, which challenges us to adjust and create new roles and renegotiate our working agreements.  Pat helps us assess where we are, determine where we want to be, and forces us to put plans in place to get there as soon and as painlessly as possible.  She supports our progress by being honest about what's going right and what's going wrong and what we need to do to be the best we can be.  She works at all levels of the company to help people work together effectively and to succeed and grow as individuals.  She provides invaluable tips and insights tailored to each dynamic situation and doesn't let go until we come to a workable solution."      CEO and President, Professional Services
Suggested Reading
The Four-Fold Way by Angeles Arrien (Publisher: Harper Collins) - A source of uncommon and pragmatic wisdom for those who want guidance in difficult situations - One of my all-time favorites!
 
Powerful Conversations: How High Impact Leaders Communicate by Phil Harkins (Publisher: McGraw-Hill)
- A guide for planning and holding conversations that promote and enable learning and change
 
The Art of Constructive Confrontation: How To Increase Accountability and Reduce Conflictby John Hoover and Roger DiSilvestro (John Wiley & Sons)
- Steps for building a culture of accountability through constructive confrontation
News 
 
It is with great delight and excitement that I announce my newly formed alliance with Ecstasis Consulting, LLC (www.ecstasis.com). While I will continue to provide coaching and consulting services in my individual practice, I will team with Ecstasis colleagues on client projects (change management and OD consulting, leadership development, coaching) that require more "horsepower" than I can provide on my own. I have spent much time getting to know and collaborating with my Ecstasis colleagues before making this decision. They are very successful consultants and coaches and, together, we learn and provide a very high level of service to our clients. We share values of collaboration, learning, courage, and a strong commitment to and respect for our clients. I am proud to partner with Ecstasis and look forward to offering expanded services with my new colleagues. Please call me to learn more about what we have to offer.
 
 
Please let me know if I can answer any questions you may have. I welcome feedback on my newsletter. 
 
Sincerely

Pat
Path Onepat newmann

"Your partner in change"

Phone: 415-924-8112
 
 
Website:http://www.partnerinchange.com 
 
Linked In: http://www.linkedin.com/in/patnewmann