- Diane Mayfield, Victim Services Director

Read moreRead more..."Just the facts ma'am" is the traditional approach to working with domestic violence victims in the law enforcement and court setting. Unfortunately, domestic violence cases are some of the most difficult cases to be dealt with by the justice system because many times the facts can be skewed by a lengthy emotional history and perpetrators who know how to operate outside the boundaries of law enforcement. For example, not many would see leaving flowers on a person's vehicle as a crime. But taken in the context of domestic violence, flowers on a person's vehicle might be the perpetrator's way of telling a victim "I found you. I'm watching. You are not safe." No two people are alike, and thus their responses to this behavior from an abuser might range from complete terror, to frustration, to what might be labeled by those in the law enforcement/court setting as "hysterical" behavior.  Read more 

As a community, it is important for us to educate ourselves and our children about the dangers of domestic violence.  This year's theme for Domestic Violence Awareness Month is "Before It's Too Late...Educate." This theme is especially relevant to children.  Children often become victims of abusive parents and are sometimes murdered as a means of punishing the non-abusive parent.  Children who are living in homes with violence need to know that domestic violence is not a normal and acceptable behavior.  It is also necessary to tell children who experience abuse that there is nothing to be ashamed of when abuse happens in their home.  Many children living in abusive homes are isolated from their peers by their parents in an attempt to hide the abuse from the wider community.  Children often feel like they are alone in the abuse.  It's important to let kids know that they are not alone.  It is also important to let children know that there are other types of abuse besides hitting.  Making threats, isolation, name calling, intimidation and economic abuse are all ways that abusers gain power and control over their victims.   

Young boys need to be taught early on what is and is not acceptable behavior.  More often than not, a young man will emulate the behavior that is modeled for him at home.  If he sees his father as someone who uses violence and threats to get what he wants, he will learn to behave towards women in the same way.  The good news is that just as this behavior is learned, it can be unlearned. 

It is also important to talk to young women about the dangers of domestic violence.  Although we know that some women grow up to be abusers themselves, the statistics show us that women who are raised with an abusive father are more likely to get involved with abusive men.  This is why it is important to teach young girls to be proud and independent.  A young woman who has a positive self-image is less likely to fall victim to the type of men who prey on girls with low self-esteem.  

If we are going to make any progress in ending the cycle of abuse, we must start with educating ourselves and our children.