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Is it Better to Give Than to Receive?
Interesting question and one to which I thought I knew the answer until I read a leadership blog this morning. Jesse Lyn Stoner, co-author of "Full Steam Ahead: Unleash the Power of Vision " writes,
"It's easier to give than to receive, but not necessarily better", she includes this list of 9 reasons why receiving is good.
- It reminds you that you're not in charge
- It keeps you humble
- You allow others the opportunity to feel the pleasure of giving
- You get to experience gratitude
- You develop a realistic self-image
- You create a space for others to shine
- You begin to understand of what strength really is
- You become a more well-rounded person
- Your relationships become richer
Stoner continues, "It's true that it is good to give. But it's not always good to give. Giving when people can help themselves takes away their power and opportunity to grow, and keeps them dependent. What's important is knowing when to give and when to receive. There's a time to give and a time to receive. When it's your time to receive, just say "thank you." And allow yourself to feel the pleasure of gratitude that naturally arises when you understand that at times, it's better to receive than to give."
Those of you who read this column on even a slightly regular basis may be skipping it this week after reading the headline. You've read enough of my opinions to know that I believe one of the best things we can do for others and for ourselves is to give. Ms. Stoner even concedes in # 3 on her list that giving is pleasurable. Although I do agree with Stoner that giving when people can help themselves may not have positive results, I have been taught that it is better to give for as long as I can remember, haven't we all? But like many of you, when I was young this saying made no sense to me. I liked getting presents way more than giving presents. What were those crazy adults talking about?
As a child, one of six, we drew names and went to "Storkville USA" to choose a gift for a bother or sister. I remember choosing a book about rocks for my rock collecting older brother and being very proud of my gift,yet don't recall anything about his response to the gift. The first gift I actually remember choosing with some consideration for the gift recipient was, yes I will admit this, a very large jar of Ponds Cold Cream for my mom. I thought at the time it would really be a luxury for her to keep her skin young and smooth.I was about four years old which made my mother a very wrinkly and aged 29!
It took until I was about seventeen and spending my own "hard-earned" money to really experience the joy of giving. I was working after school at the Ben Franklin store, making about $3.50 an hour. My dad had a soldering iron on his list of wishes so I decided that would be what I would buy. I found one easily but it was a very expensive $40! That was quite a large chunk of my gift giving budget. I don't remember what gifts I received that year but I will never forget being able to give my dad something he really wanted, not just another dad gift like a tie, wallet, or pipe tobacco ( What? You didn't give your dad cancer causing agents for gifts? I am a child of the 60's..pipes were still okay.) It is also a time that I felt very adult.
Aside from the health benefits, giving just plain feels good, and not just at holiday time. Giving feels good whenever you put the interests of another before your own. Giving a smile, encouragement, a compliment, these cost you nothing but could have tremendous meaning to the recipient. These gifts can be given over and over, every day of the year.
Not everyone feels this way. Some people just aren't givers. Perhaps they have never felt the benefits of giving? Maybe Jesse Lyn Stoner is right, but for me, I will always choose giving as the most rewarding and pleasurable experience.
Which ever you believe is better, giving or receiving, this holiday season I thank those of you who are the givers. To those of you who have given to the United Way I send a special thanks and my wish that your giving brought you as much happiness and pleasure as it is aiding the recipients.
Wishing you the pleasure to be found in GIVING!
Maureen Nelson
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