I would like to offer you some quick steps to finding your own formula for the people you have to engage with on a daily basis that make life a little more challenging.

 

1. What is the intention of the exchange of communication? What are you trying to accomplish? Whether you are in a business situation of personal get clear on what  you want to say and your desired outcome. Some people have a difficult time clarifying what they want. If you are one of those people then you should write down what you hope to accomplish and how you would like the flow of the communication to go. An equal exchange of ideas and perspectives with an open mind is the ideal flow. Once you see it on paper, practice what you want to say aloud. Role play by yourself or with a trusted friend. Anticipate the negative response or reaction, and be ready with thoughtful exchanges to turn the negative into a positive. When communicating with someone whose views differ from yours, or you want to make a sale, state the value of communicating with you in the first few sentences. For example: "Dr. Jones, I would like to share with you some valuable information on an efficient method to create enthusiasm in your employees that will increase production and profits."

 

2.  What does the other person want from you? Results. You need to come to the conversation giving the client or person a way to get what they want by using what you have to say. Your method or methods need to be easy to understand in everyone's language and easy to implement. Using words that are not familiar in the other person's everyday language leaves the other person feeling separated from you. You may look like a scholar  but  you will not create the bond you were hoping for and need, to truly create a line of communication.

 

3. What body language are you using? What body language are they using? Be the observer of your own body language and theirs. Set the pace by choosing to sit face to face or stand in a relaxed manner if they are standing. If sitting, place yourself close enough to lean in when they are making a valuable point but not too close as to invade their personal space. You'll know if you have invaded their space if they pull away. The ideal exchange is when both parties are genuinely interested in each other's point of view and both people lean in and lean out. Leaning out is not the same as pulling away. Leaning out is allowing the other person to lean in and take in all the information that you have to say. Try and create this tetter-totter effect and you are well on your way for some effective, productive results. If standing the above process is the same just watch closely for the subtle cues around leaning in and out and pulling away.

 

4. What is the volume level or the inflection of your one you are speaking with? Always keep your volume level lower than the other persons you are communicating with. The inflection you put on your words can also win or lose the attention of the listener. Say this sentence aloud, "I am going to the store." Now find several different ways to say that sentence using  emphasis on different words. Notice the differences. Make sure what you want to say is clearly stated using the proper inflection of tone.    

 

5.  Are you open to their perspective? Are they open to yours? Come to the exchange with no judgements and you will hear and receive with an open mind. You will know what you want at the beginning but by listening with no judgements you may find yourself compromising in a way that makes the communication process elevate itself to a new level. The result will be an end you are satisfied with and the other person will be satisfied as well.

 

In my training I like to role play using coaching techniques because most people are not comfortable stepping outside of their comfort zone on their own. You can do this on your own with the above techniques.