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Parenting Solutions:
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Dear Friends,
I often write and speak about the importance of fostering a feeling of security for children by providing structure and stability in their lives. We do this by responding to their needs, being clear with our expectations, setting schedules, and being consistent.
Another important means of helping children feel secure is creating small daily rituals as well as larger traditions. In this month's article, I share my advice on how to establish traditions that will be important and meaningful to your children.
My recommendation about traditions carries throughout the year, but you might as well get started this holiday season! I would love to hear about one of your family traditions; please e-mail parenting-solutions@earthlink.net and share it with me!
Happy holidays and happy parenting,
Meg
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Are you struggling with a parenting challenge? Are you having trouble being consistent? I can help you find practical solutions that will make your job as a parent easier and more enjoyable. Consultations are in person, by phone, or by e-mail, so I am able to work with parents nationwide. Contact me today at meg@parenting-solutions.com.
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| THE POWER OF NON-TRADITIONAL TRADITIONS
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Shortly after Thanksgiving, I asked a friend how her holiday was, and she replied, "I spent it with my boyfriend's family. It was nice...(sigh) but it wasn't the same as being with my family." On reflection, I thought to myself, "and, that's how it should be!"
When talking about plans for upcoming holidays, people often mention spending time with family and friends, travel, meals, shopping for and giving gifts, and parties as their customary activities. Most would consider these standard holiday traditions.
But, what special traditions do you enjoy? If you have children, the key is to make your family traditions specific to your family. Establishing unique family customs helps families bond. Traditions give kids a feeling of security, help them understand their world, and provide events to which kids can look forward with anticipation. Research has even shown that family rituals help children feel less anxiety, a greater sense of belonging to a group, and a stronger sense of identity. When you incorporate your family's own interests and styles, the customs you put into place will have much more meaning, making that connection to family even stronger for your children.
So, find a way to put your own personal touch on holidays. For example, if your son is a train buff, you can make a visit to the annual holiday miniature train exhibition each winter holiday season. Perhaps there is a yearly sporting event (we attend the U.S. Tennis Open every Labor Day), holiday show or circus you can enjoy together. Or a favorite movie no one ever gets tired of gathering together to watch on New Year's Day. Maybe it's a physical acitvity, such as a 4th of July hike. A friend of mine who likes to bake, spends several days making hundreds of holiday cookies with her daughter each Christmas, and then they deliver them to friends.
Another idea is to incorporate a custom or an item from your family's cultural background linked to your ancestors that will put an international spin on the celebration and remind your children of their heritage. For example, you might tell your children a Christmas story that your father told you (and perhaps his father told him), or you might light shabbat candles each week using candlesticks brought over by your grandmother from her native country. Likewise, having an established activity centered around volunteering is a particularly meaningful tradition; our family has joined with my parents in preparing and serving breakfast for men in a drug rehab program every Christmas morning for more than 25 years. Our children participated as soon as they were old enough to contribute, even in just a small way, such as by helping set the tables.
Make a list of any activities that you've done with your children during recent holidays other than the usual holiday fare (e.g., going to watch the fireworks on 4th of July is a fine thing to do, but it doesn't count for our purposes here) and note any that you would consider instilling as annual traditions. Solicit ideas from your children. Then, think about whether there were any one-of-a-kind customs your family had when you were growing up that you remember fondly and that you might like to reinstitute with your children. Finally, with these ideas in mind, think ahead to the next holiday and come up with some plans for distinctive activities, some that you may have tried once that are worth repeating to make them part of your annual routine, and some that you'd like to institute anew.
Generic traditions are fine. But better still are rituals that are particular to your family and your children's interests. Those will be the experiences that your kids will talk about during the year, anticipate with excitement as each holiday approaches, and look back on fondly as they grow up.
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PARENTING SOLUTIONS QUICK TIP #1:
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Remember to model the concept of gratitude for your children by thanking them often: "Thank you for putting your shoes on right away when I asked." "Thank you for being so gentle with your little brother." "Thank you for being cooperative during your doctor's appointment even though the shot hurt." "Thank you for that delicious hug - it made me feel really happy."
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PARENTING SOLUTIONS QUICK TIP #2:
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Another way to foster appreciation is to involve your child in sending thank-you notes for the gifts they receive, even before they can write. Toddlers can help by telling you what they like about the gift and watching as you copy their words down in the note, decorating the note with stickers or scribbles, and helping to stamp and mail the letter.
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Have you heard about my "Parenting Solutions Speed Sessions on Demand?" These
are quick half-hour phone sessions, when you need them. Simply set-up
an appointment with me whenever you've got a specific pressing issue or
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meg@parenting-solutions.com.
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Interested in setting up a series of parenting workshops
at your school or
for your mothers' group? I can propose a variety of
topics from sleep issues to sibling
rivalry to communication. Or, you
can request subjects that particularly interest your group.
Contact me
at meg@parenting-solutions.com.
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