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Contact
Parenting Solutions:
www.parenting-solutions.com
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Dear Friends,
Summer is a season we often associate with extra freedom, an increase in leisure time, and less pressure for our kids. Maybe your children have more choices in the summer, being able to spend additional time doing what they really enjoy. But, children need choices all the time, beginning when they are just babies and continuing throughout their childhood.
In this month's article "RAISING A COOPERATIVE CHILD: How to Take Control by Giving Choices," I spill the beans on a huge secret to bringing up cooperative children. I consider this material to be important, because the simple strategies I'm espousing are SO effective if implemented properly.
In addition to the article, check out my special announcement below - I have news to share with you about a new project I'm taking on.
Remember, if you have a topic you would like to see covered in one of my articles, please let me know. And, contact me if you would like to learn more about individual consultations, mothers' group sessions, or workshops for a school or other organization.
Enjoy your summer and happy parenting,
Meg
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STEERING COMMITTEE APPOINTMENT
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I am excited to let you know that I have been asked to serve on the small Steering Committee of New York State Parenting Educators Partnership (NYSPEP).
NYSPEP was convened by the New York State Council on Children and Families, the New York State Office of Children and Family Services, and Prevent Child Abuse New York. Its mission is "To enhance parenting skills, knowledge and behavior by developing a strong, statewide network that promotes, provides and improves parenting education."
Over the next two years, as part of this committee, I will be furthering this mission by working to improve quality and availability of parenting education, increase participation in parenting education by developing a public understanding of its value and availability, increase funding and policies that support effective parenting education programs, and to make high-quality parenting education accessible and affordable in many forms and places. One of NYSPEP's numerous current projects underway is an effort to provide a "new parent kit" to every woman who gives birth in New York State. (California already has a successful program in place, and we hope to implement ours in the next year or so.)
I am honored to be part of this network and to help further its goals. If you'd like to learn more about NYSPEP, click here.
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RAISING A COOPERATIVE CHILD:
How To Take Control By Giving Choices
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Do you frequently have trouble getting your child to cooperate? Do simple daily activities regularly turn into a struggle?
One of the main reasons children often make things so difficult is that they are trying to obtain some control in a world where it seems, from their perspective, that they are always being told what to do. They can feel powerless and frustrated by the fact that they have little say in what happens to them and what they must do throughout the day. When you are frustrated by your children's seemingly all-out effort to be uncooperative, consider this: the more choices you give your children about things they can control, the easier it will be for you to win cooperation when you need to be in control.
The solution, however, isn't to let your child just have his way. Rather, you can deliberately and proactively give your child choices in situations that are appropriate. This actually means that you need to create options that will be empowering.
With toddlers, I suggest exaggerating the amount of choices you offer, so that you are providing many, many small choices almost all of the time.
� Would you like to use the blue cup or the red cup?
� Do you want me to tie your shoes or zip your jacket first?
� Would you like to read this book or that book?
� Which do you think we should use to wash your feet, the sponge or the washcloth?
You may wonder why your child would care about these seemingly insignificant options, but (trust me) having the opportunity to make all of these small decisions will give your youngster a feeling of control.
You can use this technique of creating choices for all ages - just make sure you let your child have a say in age-appropriate ways. You can begin giving choices to a baby once she is able to point, letting her choose between two stuffed animals to take in the car. With older children who are no longer toddlers, you don't need to exaggerate the number of choices they have; just find as many opportunities as possible to let them state their preferences. For example, let them choose which sports activity they'd like to pursue, the order in which they complete homework assignments after school, whether they'd like to have dessert right after dinner or an hour later as a fun family break, or the video you will watch together on Saturday night.
The parenting technique of giving children deliberate choices accomplishes three things:
1) It provides them with a feeling of control over their life so that when we, as parents, need to establish control, it's easier.
2) It offers a chance for children to practice making decisions - an important skill.
3) It can be used be used to guide behavior highlighting the consequences of negative choices. For example, "You can either finish cleaning your room, or we can cancel the play date you were supposed to have later today and clean up then." (Of course, you must be prepared to follow through on either choice.)
If you notice that your child is regularly uncooperative, I suggest that you examine how often you give your child the chance to make his own decisions. At the end of the day, ask yourself, "Did I provide my child with plenty of choices today?" If not, increase those opportunities and watch your child develop into someone who is much more accommodating and willing to please than you could have imagined.
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PARENTING SOLUTIONS QUICK TIP:
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Taking your children to concerts is a good way to introduce them to classical music, but to enhance their enjoyment of the concert try the following: Find out ahead of time what pieces of music will be performed on the program, buy CDs of those pieces or purchase them from iTunes, and then play them in your home for a week or so before the concert. You can also read short, age-appropriate books about the composers or instruments they will hear. All of this will enrich their classical music concert experience and make them more likely to want to come back for more!
(Credit for this strategy goes to my mother, Eleanor Lowenthal, who employed it when I was young.)
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Interested in setting up a series of parenting workshops
at your school or
for your mothers' group? I can propose a variety of
topics from sleep issues to sibling
rivalry to communication. Or, you
can request subjects that particularly interest your group.
Contact me
at meg@parenting-solutions.com.
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Are you struggling with a parenting challenge? Are you having trouble being consistent? I can help you find practical solutions that will make your job as a parent easier and more enjoyable. Consultations are in person, by phone, or by e-mail, so I am able to work with parents nationwide. Contact me today at meg@parenting-solutions.com.
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Do you and your children need a better night's sleep?
Does your baby have daytime and nighttime reversed?
Are you having trouble getting your children to sleep in their own beds?
Do you wish bedtime wasn't a struggle with your kids?
Good sleeping habits are essential for the well-being of your family,
and I have the experience to help your household get a good night's sleep. Contact me at meg@parenting-solutions.com!
Here's what a client says:
"Our 21-month-old daughter began sleeping through the night immediately after our consultation with Meg (prior to that she had never slept without waking at night). Meg helped us to teach our daughter to sleep through the night, but she also taught us how to develop our own solutions for issues as they come up. Meg's strategies are simple, straightforward and carefully conceived."
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