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Parenting Solutions:
www.parenting-solutions.com
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Dear
As a parent, it can be hard to keep up with the latest information on child-rearing. Parenting techniques, technology, products and medical recommendations are constantly changing (remember not too long ago when parents were told to put babies to sleep on their stomachs?). But there is one thing that never really varies or goes out of style, and that is something we call 'common courtesy.'
Manners will simply never be old-fashioned because they play such an important role in society. I also believe that manners play an important role in a child's development from a very early age (earlier than you'd think!).
In my article below, I share with you the reasons why etiquette is so important and the expectations you'll want to consider for your children. Teaching common courtesy to children can have a life-long, positive effect, so don't miss this one!
If you have comments or questions about this topic, I'd love to hear from you. Just contact me through my website www.parenting-solutions.com. Also, let me know if there is a topic you'd like to see me address in an upcoming newsletter.
Happy parenting,
Meg
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| MANNERS MATTER!
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A friend recently told me the following story:
Entering a very crowded subway car during rush hour, she noticed a boy, about six-years old, who was leaning against his mother sideways and taking up two seats for himself. My friend asked politely if he would put his legs down so that she could sit. The child shrugged but didn't move over. She looked expectantly at the mother, who she assumed would prompt her child to make the seat available.
Instead, to my friend's surprise, the mother offered to give my friend her own seat! My friend refused the offer, making clear that she only wanted the extra seat. Unfortunately, the mother didn't take the hint. Too bad -- she missed a perfect opportunity to teach her child an important lesson.
Something tells me that this mother hasn't trained her child to thank a doorman who holds a door open, or prompted him to say 'please' when he asks her for a snack. Showing common courtesy for others is an important practice because it is a sign of respect. Saying 'please' and 'thank you,' for example, tells others that you understand that they are not obligated to do your bidding. Having respect for others is one of the fundamental concepts we should all teach our children from a young age.
Some parents don't require their young children to say 'please' and 'thank you' because they believe the children can't understand the meaning of those words yet. But this theory misses the real point: Children will grow to understand the words' meaning and will have already developed the habit of saying them. With your help, they also will come to appreciate why doing so is important.
There are two general rules to help parents raise polite kids. First, the earlier you start teaching common courtesy, the better. Children can learn to say 'please' and 'thank you' at a very young age. When saying these words becomes a habit, children get positive reactions to their polite behavior, thus reinforcing it and encouraging continued courtesy. When they are respectful in small ways by showing common courtesy, they are more likely to develop that respect in other larger ways.
Second, be consistent. Children should use manners even with their own parents, siblings, relatives and friends. Be consistent by following through with directions you give regarding use of manners. Don't reward lack of manners; if your child asks for something without saying 'please,' wait for him to say the magic word before complying.
To help you set reasonable expectations, I've listed below some common courtesies your children should follow:
1) Saying 'please,' thank you,' and 'excuse me' whenever appropriate, including at home.
2) Helping others in need (holding doors open; picking up something someone has dropped; offering a seat to someone who needs it more).
3) Not interrupting, except in emergencies.
4) Saying a proper hello and goodbye when meeting people.
5) Paying attention and making eye contact when speaking with another person.
6) Sitting quietly in age-appropriate time blocks (which would be very limited for toddlers - help them by providing quiet toys/books to keep them occupied).
7) Applauding for performances.
Take every opportunity to point out examples of other people using good manners. Also remember to give positive feedback when your child shows courteous behavior. For young children, this means acknowledging that they remembered their basic manners. For older children it means recognizing when they have shown courtesy in a particularly thoughtful way.
You are not asking too much of your children when you expect them to be polite. Rather, you are giving them the gift of learning to be considerate; being considerate of others is a sign of a sensitive and thoughtful person. It is extremely rewarding to raise children with these traits.
Winnie the Pooh, one of our family's favorite characters, says "A little Consideration, a little Thought for Others, makes all the difference." (Pooh may be a bear of very little brain, but he is a bear of quite satisfactory emotional intelligence!) Teaching our children manners from the start can make all the difference in the quest to raise children who grow into respectful teenagers and eventually respectful adults. If that mother my friend encountered on the subway had kindly but firmly instructed her son to yield his extra seat to another person, she would have capitalized on an excellent opportunity to teach her child a lesson in common courtesy that would serve him well for a lifetime.
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PARENTING SOLUTIONS QUICK TIP:
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Keep an eye out for interesting articles in newspapers and magazines about topics that particularly interest your child. Then, set aside time to share and discuss it with her. For young children, simply summarize articles and show any photos. For older children, read the articles aloud together. This practice not only encourages kids to read about current events, it demonstrates your enthusiasm for their interests.
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PARENTING SOLUTIONS QUICK TIP:
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Children of all ages love to look at photo albums, especially those that display photos of them. Spend time browsing through family albums with your children; the photos will trigger many memories and inspire stories for you to share.
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Do you and your children need a better night's sleep?
Does your baby have daytime and nighttime reversed?
Are you having trouble getting your children to sleep in their own beds?
Do you wish bedtime wasn't a struggle with your kids?
Good sleeping habits are essential for the well-being of your family,
and I have the experience to help your household get a good night's sleep; contact me at meg@parenting-solutions.com!
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Are you interested in organizing a parenting workshop at your child's school?
I offer workshops on a variety of topics including Putting an End to Power Struggles
and Developing Good Sleep Habits. I can also tailor sessions to suit your particular audience's
interests. Contact me at meg@parenting-solutions.com and we'll discuss!
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Are you struggling with a parenting challenge? Are you having trouble being consistent? I can help you find practical solutions that will make your job as a parent easier and more enjoyable. Consultations are in person, by phone, or by e-mail, so I am able to work with parents nationwide. Contact me today at meg@parenting-solutions.com.
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